So after being on the counselling waitlist for a few weeks, arranged through a local GLBTQ charity, I had my first session yesterday. Not a gender therapist, but I really liked my counselor. He's a thoughtful guy. I get 12 free sessions, whoo. I've done counselling before in the past for other things, so I know that the first session usually has a lot of admin stuff to get out of the way. Even so, we had some time to chat about stuff. The most interesting thing he observed was that I seem to be putting the wishes of my mother before my own.

She's been struggling with the news that I'm trans. I've been staying with her since I've had some health issues for a while, but I think I need to get out on my own again in the fall. I posted a bit in another thread about her reactions - positive at first, then rather negative lately. She flipped out about me cutting my long hair, so that really knocked me back a bit and I haven't done anything since to change my appearance. By comparison, my younger sister is traditionally the 'wild child' in the family doing all sorts of things, but I was supposed to be the 'good one', the 'responsible one', etc. I have my own wild side, but I keep that below the radar, unlike her. I thought I'd left the old roles stuff behind years ago, but I think it's back especially since I'm staying with my Mom and I am reluctant to make changes while I'm here. She struggles with depression and she is on a low these days, and is sharper with her words than usual. Tough to handle.

I also found out that there's a support group for FTMs in my area, and they're meeting tomorrow. I am trying to summon up the courage to go. I think it would be good to get there. It's not exactly close to me, where I'm living now, but probably worth going to check out. I'm a bit nervous though.

So I feel like this has been a big week, with the start of therapy, and signing up here, and looking at the support group. I've been flailing about for a few weeks with this realisation that I'm a trans guy, which I think my subconscious had figured out a long, long time ago. The scary part isn't the realisation, or acknowledging this--rather, what does this mean, and how will this affect people around me. Especially family. My counsellor noticed I'm putting them before my own desires. I know what I want to do, but I'm nervous. I guess that training gets in there early.

Congratulations on such big steps! Things will start to move along better for you, I'm sure.

Quote from: kellykh on July 15, 2016, 04:34:57 PM
Congratulations on such big steps! Things will start to move along better for you, I'm sure.

Cheers! It's exciting and nerve racking too. Really relieved to have made the realisation that I'm trans. The anxiety is next steps after the realisation. And I know I want to do stuff like change my name, change my appearance, etc... but not all once.

I think the first things appearance-wise are a haircut and ordering a couple binders.

So I went to my first trans men group today in my city. It was great to meet other folks like me and see how many similarities we share in experience. A whole range of ages from 20s to 60s, folks just starting their transitions like me to one man who transitioned 20 years ago. Very encouraging, and did a lot to help assure me that I'm not losing my mind. And they had lots of info for local resources and ins and outs about legal name changes, gender changes, etc. A lot to think over, and I'll be going again soon.

It's natural for us to think of others before ourselves in life. It was part of the reason I backed off from my first go around at transition. Those that I cared about in my own house were being affected by it. Congrats on the big step. It's often the first of many big steps. Hugs
Mariah