Hi. So about three to four year ago I started feeling really bad and depressed and I didn't know why, two years ago (I was 15) is when I randomly started having thoughts of wanting to be a girl and so I naturally googled why and saw that it could be that I was transgender, So I did some research on what that was and it was exactly how I felt, I don't feel comfortable in my body, I hate being a male and male stereotypes (they shouldn't cry, Like girly things, like pink) and so then I tried on one of my sisters old dresses that she had left in my closet from when it was her room, after I  put it on I felt so happy and joyous! I hadn't felt true joy in years! So I thought about it for a long time and decided I wanted to transition, so I mustered up the strength to tell my parents, I thought they would accept me and I was finally going to be happy again... I was wrong. See my family are very strong christens, I was raised a christen all my life. So when I told them they rejected me told me "aww you're our first boy and we love you for that, and god made you a boy" and made me go to therapy, I was sort of happy about this maybe they could help me, nope. I poured out to these people and got no help, I'm assuming because they were christen therapists. But eventually I stopped going to them and my parents just sort of acted like all that never happened, but not before taking almost every girly thing I had, they took both the dresses I had in the back of my closet, they stopped letting me get anything remotely girly or pink, they won't let me grow my hair out or shave my legs, and that was the end of it, I've been super depressed and sad for the last two years just trying to cope. Every ones in a while my mom would ask me if I still had those feelings, I would get excited and say yes but then nothing more was said. I'm 17 now and pray every day something will change, I don't know what to do. I doubt anyone can really help me but I just wanted to get this out there. Thanks for reading and your responses if you choose so.

Hi!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

As you are under 18 there probably isn't a lot you can do if your parents are unsupportive. Once you turn 18 you are your own person and it is up to you how you live your life - I'd suggest you start making plans on how you can move forward with transition once you reach that age. You will need a job as transition isn't expensive so start looking into employment opportunities and start saving. The only person who can really help you is you but you have made a good start in getting support by coming here. I'd also suggest asking your parents if you can see a counsellor for depression, you don't have to tell them it is transgender related.

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Cheers

Grace

Welcome to Susan's Place. We have limits as to what we can do. We are a good source of information and help you understand yourself. We can be here if you need to talk and we can help you plan your future.

If you are attending public school, many school systems have programs to help children who are transgender. You will need to talk to the school nurse or possibly a principe about what the school has to offer. They might be able to help you parents understand. If you are home schooled, but college is in your future, again, the school may have help available through the student health center. I would advise you get as much education as possible because you will need a good paying job to cover medical expenses. In my case, I transition so long ago treatment was hard to find. This meant I had to wait until after I was out of college before I could think about a transition. I understand how difficult it will be for you but if you are willing to work at it, a transition is possible.

There are a number of coming out letters in the WIKI area that you may find useful but I wrote one for cases much like yours. You will find it here. Feel free to use part or all of it as needed if you think it will help. As you will be unable to send messages for a while, leave any questions for me in this thread and I will answer them as soon as I can.

I can only say that I am glad you understand yourself at this age.
I just want you to MAKE sure that's how you feel - it sounds condescending but it's something you can't turn back.

For example:
If you want kids and you start hormones and not had sperm frozen - then your possibilities of having a child is slim(of your own DNA - of course - adoption and so on is still available) - this will all be explained to you once you have your meetings.

Like the two above have said as you're not quite 18 - there's a few limitations on what you can do currently. And if you want the full transition it will become pricey between electrolysis to surgeries to hormones - so while you're young get a job. I am now 20 and never had a job as I stuck to education - I now wish I got a part time job at least as it's a struggle to get one without them expecting a 20 year old to have at least 2 years experience in something. Not only will it help you financially it'll give you experience for full time jobs in the future if you stick to education!

In conclusion: Research / Make Sure / Plan Ahead - Finance.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to put everything you can into getting an education, getting a job, becoming independent, and after you turn 18, getting out on your own. 

Transition requires two things:

1)  You have to have a job and income.  Even if you have health insurance, there are going to be co pays and deductables, and therapy and hormones are expensive.  Hormones can literally cost as much each month as a car payment.   If health insurance does not cover facial hair removal, that can cost $10,000.00 right there.  I have not even mentioned face feminization or voice feminization surgery, which, as of this writing, are not covered by any health insurance companies anywhere. 

2)  You need friends, especially if you are not going to get any help from family.  Friends help you find jobs, help you get to places, give you emotional support, and protect you from the haters.

Transitioning is a marathon, not a sprint.  It takes years, no matter how you do it or when you start.  If you want this, you need to commit to the long haul, regardless.  I know independent adults who had no parents in their way or other obstacles, and it still took them years to get started because they could not swing the finances to get the necessary therapy to get their hormone letter.  So if you really want this, no matter what else happens, you need to get a job and learn how to handle money.  Or get the education necessary to get a really good job.  Or both.

Hi Zelda, welcome to Susan's. Sorry that your parents were not excepting. I know some of my Christian relatives were not either. Your mentioning of Christian therapists reminds me back to my childhood and when I was sent to one. Needless to say, like you, I went back into the closet. As much as he was a nice enough sort, I didn't share anything with him. What I would do is share with your parents how you feel. Secondly see if you can send you to a therapist, but one that isn't a Christian one. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Hi Zelda,

Remember  there are plenty of  Christian groups that disagree with your parents interpretation.  I'm an atheist now, but growing up Christian the main thing I took from it was Jesus was loving and accepting and God provides the judgement not his followers. 

Take care,
Paige

I'm so sorry.  I was raised by Christians, and even went to a private Christian school.(It was literally a church basement.)  And when I was depressed and started self harming, my parents saw the cuts up ad down my arms; but wouldn't let me see a therapist at all.  They just told me to stop it and grow up.  So, I know it's frustrating.  But you're not far away from 18.  Just keep going.  And remember that there are plenty of Christians that don't share those ridiculous beliefs.  I'm a Christian who believes that God didn't make a mistake; but that you and me were meant to be trans.  Best wishes!  And remember that you have support here.

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I think that the best thing you can do now is concentrate on your education. I know it hard work getting good grades but a good education will help you get a job and independence when you're 18. Then it's 'your' decision.