So for some odd reason I am supper nervous and excited about top surgery even though I haven't even applied to be on the waitlist for Dr. Medalie let alone been able to save for it. Is it normal to be this anxious lol. I mean I'm pumped up for a day that basically doesn't exist but it feels like its tomorrow. I don't like being this anxious it makes my heart race and I already have a problem with my resting heart rate jumping from like 60 to 142 and then back all within seconds.
Has anyone else experienced being anxious for their transition even though nothing is set?

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Definitely. I'm unemployed, still live with my parents and didn't even see a therapist yet. Meaning I have a long way to go before top surgery, and I'm still horribly nervous about it. I'm excited at potentially not feeling a "suffocation" from dysphoria, but quite anxious with all the small details (plus a fear of doctors).
What freaks me out the most right now is the blood work and drains, as I've had a kind of ptsd panic attack with blood work a few years ago. I am hoping the "happy drugs" will kill my nerves enough when the actual surgery comes around.
I have high anxiety and slight obsessiveness in general though, so I'm not sure how others are. I'm hoping my nerves will calm down a bit after something gets scheduled, but with past small surgeries I was still a nervous wreck up until afterwards.
Good luck and keep moving forward (and keep posting ).

Yeah I'm hoping this feeling doesn't get worse once something is actually set up
I'm fine with surgeries so I don't think it's that. We're probably just super excited to actually know what we want and have the possibility to get it

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Quote from: haeden on July 10, 2016, 11:19:59 PMWe're probably just super excited to actually know what we want and have the possibility to get it

Haha yes, for sure. I didn't know anything was even a possibility until about 5 years ago, but knowing that top surgery is available helps me breathe a little.
As cliché as it sounds, it reminds me of the anticipation for a roller coaster. Every time I get on a roller coaster and am waiting in line, I'm nervous. I know what to expect, but always get tense if there is a long line. By the time I get on the ride, my stomach is all jittery and twisted. Going up that first slow hill I keep thinking "I'm almost at the top, just breathe" and then the coaster goes over that first dip and speeds up. I love it, then it's over. Then I wonder why I was all nervous to begin with. Even if I get back in line for the same ride, it's always a process.
I honestly think the waiting in itself gets me more worked up than if I were just to do it without thinking. Right now I feel like top surgery is a never ending wait, but before I know it I'll be out of surgery and be all "What was I so worried about?" I'm definitely excited to get top surgery and overjoyed to know that it is even an option, but the wait is going to drive me crazy.

Lolol that is a perfect way to describe it! Just knowing that one day I will be counting down days to my surgery is exciting. I'm trying not to get the cold feet worries just yet so any worries I have will have to wait until it's too late to turn back lol

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Definitely. I´m not entirely sure when my T day will be, but knowing that it is sometime in the near future makes me feel the same kind of anxious elation.

For me, I feel that way because I feel as though I am embracing a new life. I had already embraced it, but somehow this is "it", that´s how it feels.

Yeah I'm kind of excited to see how things will be once I start. I don't know if I want t because I'm so focused on top surgery I can't think about anything else. But who knows once I get the surgery I may want t right after lol. Like you said this is like waiting to start a new life or adventure and I'm excited about it. I'm also so ready to not have to wear a binder anymore!

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Quote from: haeden on July 10, 2016, 06:04:02 PM
So for some odd reason I am supper nervous and excited about top surgery even though I haven't even applied to be on the waitlist for Dr. Medalie let alone been able to save for it. Is it normal to be this anxious lol. I mean I'm pumped up for a day that basically doesn't exist but it feels like its tomorrow. I don't like being this anxious it makes my heart race and I already have a problem with my resting heart rate jumping from like 60 to 142 and then back all within seconds.
Has anyone else experienced being anxious for their transition even though nothing is set?

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once you have the surgery date... it's going to consume your mind day and night... thats what is happening to me in a daily basis...

Hahaha yeah I know but I'm hoping it's going to be a good consumption and not when my fear and doubts decided to kick in

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Quote from: haeden on July 11, 2016, 09:43:11 AM
I'm trying not to get the cold feet worries just yet so any worries I have will have to wait until it's too late to turn back lol

Quote from: haeden on July 17, 2016, 09:18:24 PM
I'm hoping it's going to be a good consumption and not when my fear and doubts decided to kick in

My goal is to schedule a date and almost trap myself into not chickening out. Once it's scheduled, it's happening no matter what. I'm hoping that I will be able to deal with most of my fears beforehand, but no doubt they'll just kick in even more once the wait begins. So unless I'm drugged on some anxiety killers for however long the wait is, it's most likely going to be fears and doubts for me (...I'm hoping for awesome anxiety meds ).

Quote from: haeden on July 17, 2016, 09:18:24 PM
Hahaha yeah I know but I'm hoping it's going to be a good consumption and not when my fear and doubts decided to kick in

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it consumes me i guess in a good way.... i just want the surgery to go smoothly... like right now... i have to pass the blood test required... cuz if i dont pass it... no surgery for me... my GP reassured me that my blood test before was fine but im still anxious... wish me luck

Quote from: jujubes1986 on July 17, 2016, 10:02:56 PM
it consumes me i guess in a good way.... i just want the surgery to go smoothly... like right now... i have to pass the blood test required... cuz if i dont pass it... no surgery for me... my GP reassured me that my blood test before was fine but im still anxious... wish me luck

Good luck!! I'm sure everything will go smoothly! Trust in your GP and in yourself. I'm sure you've done everything you needed to to get this surgery done so no worries!

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Quote from: haeden on July 17, 2016, 10:13:20 PM
Good luck!! I'm sure everything will go smoothly! Trust in your GP and in yourself. I'm sure you've done everything you needed to to get this surgery done so no worries!

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thank you... ill keep you guys posted

Quote from: sigsi on July 17, 2016, 10:00:40 PM
My goal is to schedule a date and almost trap myself into not chickening out. Once it's scheduled, it's happening no matter what. I'm hoping that I will be able to deal with most of my fears beforehand, but no doubt they'll just kick in even more once the wait begins. So unless I'm drugged on some anxiety killers for however long the wait is, it's most likely going to be fears and doubts for me (...I'm hoping for awesome anxiety meds ).

Yeah I'm hoping I can pay towards it too once a date is set because I know I won't back out if there's money down. I could put a nickel towards it and still consider that too much to turn away from lolol
I'm just trying to go through my day not thinking too much about the possible fears or doubts I may have. Hopefully by the time I acknowledge them it will be too late to have a big panic attack

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Quote from: jujubes1986 on July 17, 2016, 10:21:52 PM
thank you... ill keep you guys posted

Awesome! When is your date again?

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I walked into my first doctors appointment super nervous, expecting to be interrogated on if I was trans enough, hadnt realized it was done by informed consent.

After my shot I had to resist smiling in the clinic like a complete doofus and excitedly texting my friend in the waiting room. Ended up excitedly running past the checkout window, high fiving my friend and super excited, made a huge scene. Was embarrassing.

I used to be afraid of needles. Still am. But my need for T kind of surpassed that so I manned up and got past that for the sake of transition, because I was far more anticipating T than fearing putting a long sharp point into my muscle

Hahaha that's awesome! I could totally see me doing the same thing! I'm still not sure about t but I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea so I'm thinking I'd do the informed consent route too. Do the doctors talk to you at all about the effects it will directly have on you or is it just that form you sign? I can't really find much on what t would do to an autoimmune disease and that's another reason I'm not too sure about t

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Quote from: haeden on July 18, 2016, 08:05:41 AM
Hahaha that's awesome! I could totally see me doing the same thing! I'm still not sure about t but I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea so I'm thinking I'd do the informed consent route too. Do the doctors talk to you at all about the effects it will directly have on you or is it just that form you sign? I can't really find much on what t would do to an autoimmune disease and that's another reason I'm not too sure about t

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They give you a form that states all the changes, mine briefly went over it all (much of it I was aware of as it was already online), I dont know about autoimmune disease, thats probably a question to directly ask the doctor regarding concern, I know it effects RBC count, if that is any effect.

I honestly wish I could do top surgery first myself, too. Heh. But I guess for me I get by lucky because Im already fairly flat chested and dont even need to bind breast tissue.

Im hoping to save up at least half (or more) of the cost and charge the rest on my credit card, I'd get the surgery done sooner. Hope thats something

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on July 18, 2016, 11:01:13 AM
They give you a form that states all the changes, mine briefly went over it all (much of it I was aware of as it was already online), I dont know about autoimmune disease, thats probably a question to directly ask the doctor regarding concern, I know it effects RBC count, if that is any effect.

I honestly wish I could do top surgery first myself, too. Heh. But I guess for me I get by lucky because Im already fairly flat chested and dont even need to bind breast tissue.

Im hoping to save up at least half (or more) of the cost and charge the rest on my credit card, I'd get the surgery done sooner. Hope thats something

Yeah I'm sure it's a question I'd have to ask them but everyone who has gone through the informed consent route seems to be a in and out process and I have questions I know won't be on that sheet because like you said its all online already lol.
I want to get the surgery first because I have more dysphoria with that than anything else and it would allow me to keep my life pretty much how it is now. I definitely have to bind and I pass pretty well with it. I think my voice has either gotten deeper or I have gotten so use to being referred to as male even by males that it's carrying over into my voice because I'm more confident now. Either way with my binder and my voice I pass a lot initially but people usually catch on later

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