Hello everyone. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 14. (My first love, his first love, all that cheesy stuff). For the first four years of our relationship he was in the closet (so he was female to most people even though he hated it). But to me he was always a boy and I didn't use gendered pronouns and gave him male nicknames even though he wasn't out as trans it was just something that was  understood between us. All of my friends called him the prince because that is how he treated us all. It wasn't shocking to us when he came out because we never projected him to be anyone except who he was.
Fast forward to us being 21 and we live alone. we are both estranged from our families to a degree. We have worked hard to live on our own and he has been on T for about 2 years and recently has had top surgery covered by insurance.
Many of our friends within the lgbt community tell us that everything is easier for us as if we haven't worked hard for it. We both have no parents or family to fall back on we really only have each other. we have been building up our savings account and knocked out all of the student and medical debt we were in and are finally seeing everything in a more positive light. But it feels like the better we do for ourselves the less our friends like us. Everytime we do something good it is met with "It's easy for you".
It kind of kills me though that even his friends who are transgender can't even be happy for him. I understand it is part jealousy but he doesn't brag. he has no family to be excited for him about his top surgery. He feels alone no matter where he goes.
He doesn't fit in with cis men
he has one good friend who is a trans male that also has a very positive outlook  but they rarely see each other
Otherwise his friends within the community are so focused on who is more depressed or anxious or who has it the worst and he is sick of being around it because he just wants happier people to be around instead of negative people sucking his energy out.
I want him to have friends that will love him, that will bring him up, and most importantly that he can RELATE to,  because we are both doing our best to overcome a lot of negative things that have happened in our lives and everyone just seems so focused on the negative that I don't want him to be dragged down into it again.

-Concerned wife

Concerned,

I want to welcome you to the site.

I struggle with a little of your description myself. Not that transition is easy for me but just combating negativity. There is so much everywhere, do we have to add to the competition? Is he in therapy yet(individual)? Perhaps it is a discussion point?

Volunteering is a way to stay busy and focus positive energy....

I am pretty early in my own transition so I may not be that helpful to you two. Sorry.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in. I hope you find some good options.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hey; sorry you're going through this. It's beyond ridiculous that some trans individuals/groups are like this. Like being trans is some sort of competition and there's a set way of how to be trans. IMO I think you have less of these types in more metropolitan places. Anyway, I'd say don't give up on finding community. Try other trans groups near you, set one up yourself on tumblr. Meetup has a good variety of local groups of all types. Like your husband I don't fit in with cis men and am finding it hard myself to find a sense of belonging.

Welcome to Susan's Place. What you describe where other people envy you is pretty common. I am sure that you much like me have had years of doing without. People don't see that you eat ground beef instead of steak.They don't notice you drive an older car. They may not realize that your computer is old, your cell phone isn't fancy or your television package is minimal because they are to busy talking about the fancy stuff they have. When you mention that you have retired a debt they have no clue how to do it because they have made little progress on their own.

Yes, years ago I was where you are and it caused my surgery to be delayed because of an unexpected layoff. I am willing to teach others how I got were I am today but few ask. I don't worry about what others think about me because I know the truth. You are best off to look for friendship in others who share your values as they will understand the true value of your efforts. See the others if you wish but understand that they only know half the story.