So story short... I'm almost certain that I might be MTF... and I'm now getting into a relationship once again at 28 years of age (I was avoiding this... wanted to be by myself and with anyone's life besides mine)... Issue's are that well, I could maybe repress my gender if it meant to make that special one happy I believe... But the main problem is that I'm not even a 100% sure if I'm straight or not... I've liked women my whole life but later in life started doubting my own sexuality. Never acted on it... and I was diagnosed with homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder. However, not sure if it was the effects of an anxiety or not, but somehow now I get more and more anxious with the female body. If it's not this perfect figure I get anxious and it's not "good enough"... I get anxious when I see their vagina and such and I don't know... It's just all a mess. I'm even more confused now.
Bottom line is that I'm afraid of getting into something... get married and such, have kids.. and later in life, say a couple years of now or so be like "Uhmmm hun, I'm gay.. or I'm MTF and straight"... I know many of you went down this road and that's why I'm asking for some advise. It's just so hard since it's all so confusing. What if I leave her and then all this was as well my OCD playing me games. Everything just very very confusing as of now.. So lost

Thank you all.


<NO FOUL LANGUAGE>

Hi and welcome. You don't say if your new partner is aware of your feelings. I have learned the very hard way that a serious long term relationship, particularly one with children, should be built on trust and honesty. The truth can be hard to hear, but enables all parties to make their own informed choice in committing to each other. If you haven't spoken with a therapist experienced with gender issues, that might be a good start. Best wishes.

Quote from: help.confused88 on July 25, 2016, 08:28:38 AM
So story short... I'm almost certain that I might be MTF... and I'm now getting into a relationship once again at 28 years of age (I was avoiding this... wanted to be by myself and not <not allowed> with anyone's life besides mine)... Issue's are that well, I could maybe repress my gender if it meant to make that special one happy I believe... But the main problem is that I'm not even a 100% sure if I'm straight or not... I've liked women my whole life but later in life started doubting my own sexuality. Never acted on it... and I was diagnosed with homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder. However, not sure if it was the effects of an anxiety or not, but somehow now I get more and more anxious with the female body. If it's not this perfect figure I get anxious and it's not "good enough"... I get anxious when I see their vagina and such and I don't know... It's just all a mess. I'm even more confused now.
Bottom line is that I'm afraid of getting into something... get married and such, have kids.. and later in life, say a couple years of now or so be like "Uhmmm hun, I'm gay.. or I'm MTF and straight"... I know many of you went down this road and that's why I'm asking for some advise. It's just so hard since it's all so confusing. What if I leave her and then all this was as well my OCD playing me games. Everything just very very confusing as of now.. So lost

Thank you all.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for. I cannot relate because I've always known whom I'm attracted to. I really wish you the best in
Life. Have a good day!

Quote from: meganjames2 on July 25, 2016, 08:42:21 AM
Hi and welcome. You don't say if your new partner is aware of your feelings. I have learned the very hard way that a serious long term relationship, particularly one with children, should be built on trust and honesty. The truth can be hard to hear, but enables all parties to make their own informed choice in committing to each other. If you haven't spoken with a therapist experienced with gender issues, that might be a good start. Best wishes.

Hey there and thanks for the advise. My point is that I can't even talk about this since it's not a set in stone thing. I might tell her what I go through, she then leaves me and then it ends up being that I'm not trans at all and I was just confused due to OCD... not sure but maybe you see my point?
Also, this girlfriend of mine has a bad idea when it comes to these topics, she's very close minded. She would not understand it at all.

Thanks !

Quote from: help.confused88 on July 25, 2016, 10:44:14 AM
Hey there and thanks for the advise. My point is that I can't even talk about this since it's not a set in stone thing. I might tell her what I go through, she then leaves me and then it ends up being that I'm not trans at all and I was just confused due to OCD... not sure but maybe you see my point?
Also, this girlfriend of mine has a bad idea when it comes to these topics, she's very close minded. She would not understand it at all.

Thanks !

A girlfriend who is a real friend, whom you might consider marrying and having children with, will love the real you.  But to do that, she has to know the real you.  If you are serious about her, you should tell her what is going on with you.  If you are confused, tell her what you are confused about.  If she loves you anyway, she has serious potential.  If she doesn't, well then she doesn't, and a relationship will be very painful.  Hiding stuff from her will cause more pain.

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 25, 2016, 11:22:29 AM
A girlfriend who is a real friend, whom you might consider marrying and having children with, will love the real you.  But to do that, she has to know the real you.  If you are serious about her, you should tell her what is going on with you.  If you are confused, tell her what you are confused about.  If she loves you anyway, she has serious potential.  If she doesn't, well then she doesn't, and a relationship will be very painful.  Hiding stuff from her will cause more pain.

But how could I approach something I'm not even certain about? ... "Hey hun, I might be trans" If it goes well then good I guess, but since she's very closed minded it go from bad to terrible (such as her telling other people - which would be a mess)..

Thanks again for the replies !

It's ok to be confused. I have a couple ideas.

• You tell her about your feelings, including your sense of confusion, as others have suggested.
• You take the relationship slowly as you work with a therapist experienced with gender issues.

You don't want it to become too serious if it's going to blow up, such as from her narrow-mindedness. But if you take the relationship slowly and focus more on it being a friendship, rather than a future marriage, she may open her mind as she learns who you are, and it gives you time to sort things out yourself too.

Quote from: kellykh on July 25, 2016, 03:25:22 PM
It's ok to be confused. I have a couple ideas.

• You tell her about your feelings, including your sense of confusion, as others have suggested.
• You take the relationship slowly as you work with a therapist experienced with gender issues.

You don't want it to become too serious if it's going to blow up, such as from her narrow-mindedness. But if you take the relationship slowly and focus more on it being a friendship, rather than a future marriage, she may open her mind as she learns who you are, and it gives you time to sort things out yourself too.

Thanks for the replies. Yes, we've been only two months together but I'm 28 already. She kind of knows what she wants and oh well.. I can't open her mind about sexuality and gender per say. Some people are raised thinking the wrong thing, or thinking it's a choice. I'm trying to take it slowly, yes. My fear is getting into something, then in the years to come get married, have kids, etc etc.. and then be like "oh sorry, I'm trans... goes ahead and ruins her life, kids life"... But this hurts too... why? I feel like I'll never be able to marry of have kids due to this fear. Some say how hard it is to do that to their families, one of the hardest parts of all...