I think I might actually be able to help with the reincarnating thing. I myself have had similar thoughts. I imagine killing myself and  being reborn as a girl and given the childhood I wish I had had. I also have had "crazier" thoughts. Like the idea that I could somehow trans-fare my consciousness into a female body (I was interested in the occult ) 

Looking back on that last one I thinks it's absolutely crazy now. Sounds like something out of a comic book.  But desperation can unhinge even a most rational mind.

Right now I don't feel depressed I don't feel happy. I just feel "blank" I feel nothing. 
I am hoping that HRT can sort this out.
The only thing I have found that really helps in any sort of way is finding "meaning" in the whole process. I myself try to think god has given me a purpose of some kind that involves ->-bleeped-<-.

But you can probably find a secular one too. Try altruism too. Maybe you could somehow help others who are in a similar position (Maybe become a therapist). Happiness is like jam you cannot spread it around without getting some on yourself. 

But these may be unhealthy coping mechanisms that someone as unhappy as you has devised so I am not sure whether this is advice you should take.

PS: On a separate note I am actually in the age group that some people on here have labeled as the "live fast die young squad". I am 20 and this describes my mind set to a large degree, I have thought about taking up heavy smoking (I am currently a nonsmoker) deliberately to die quicker.....which is very sad.

Quote from: highlight on June 04, 2016, 09:28:27 PM
I think I might actually be able to help with the reincarnating thing. I myself have had similar thoughts. I imagine killing myself and  being reborn as a girl and given the childhood I wish I had had. I also have had "crazier" thoughts. Like the idea that I could somehow trans-fare my consciousness into a female body (I was interested in the occult ) 

Looking back on that last one I thinks it's absolutely crazy now. Sounds like something out of a comic book.  But desperation can unhinge even a most rational mind.

Right now I don't feel depressed I don't feel happy. I just feel "blank" I feel nothing. 
I am hoping that HRT can sort this out.
The only thing I have found that really helps in any sort of way is finding "meaning" in the whole process. I myself try to think god has given me a purpose of some kind that involves ->-bleeped-<-.

But you can probably find a secular one too. Try altruism too. Maybe you could somehow help others who are in a similar position (Maybe become a therapist). Happiness is like jam you cannot spread it around without getting some on yourself. 

But these may be unhealthy coping mechanisms that someone as unhappy as you has devised so I am not sure whether this is advice you should take.

PS: On a separate note I am actually in the age group that some people on here have labeled as the "live fast die young squad". I am 20 and this describes my mind set to a large degree, I have thought about taking up heavy smoking (I am currently a nonsmoker) deliberately to die quicker.....which is very sad.

Sorry, that was me.

Don't smoke if you don't already . It wouldn't even kill you that prematurely - you'd likely be middle aged or early old aged before lung cancer caught up with you, and it's apparently a really horrible way to go - with your lungs actually disintegrating and being coughed up. Half the time it doesn't even happen - for every smoker who dies at 60, there will be a 95 year old saying ''never did me any harm''.

I used to drive my car at 120/130mph and not care if it crashed - I'd think ''if it goes out of control at this speed, that'd be it anyway''. It never did btw - I guess if I was really trying to actively kill myself, I would've driven recklessly as well as just fast. I'm so glad it never did crash. I don't want to be dead, and I certainly don't want to be disabled. Ending up alive but disabled is a very common result of attempted suicide.

I think your altruism point can't be said enough.

Completely the opposite for me.

I'm delighted that sterility is one of the effects of HRT. I've never liked children, never liked being around them, and can't think of a greater hell than having to live with a child all the time. (Just my own view, of course) I decided at the youngest age that I never wanted children, and nothing has made me change my mind in the intervening twenty years. Most people probably see sterility as a negative effect of HRT, but for me it's nothing but positive.

So I may be crazy with this, but I want to post to get some feedback.

Yesterday, I had terrible stomach cramps and bloating. It felt like my intestines were being turned inside out. All in all not a pleasant feeling. I was texting my best friend and I mentioned how I was feeling. Her response was that it sounds like a period/menstrual symptoms.  She asked how long I had been having them (two years and about once a month more or less).

Her response was interesting to me:"In being trans, you don't get a period. Sometimes this experience you get seems to happen on almost a monthly basis. It is kind of almost like your body is trying to convince you that you have a period and/or are having menstrual symptoms."

I mentioned the two years because that was when I came out and accepted to myself about being trans. I do not know if there is a correlation between these cramps and being trans. Or if it is just an IBS thing. That being said I am going to track this and see what the time-line is (if it is really a month to month).

Doesn't bother me dont really want to have children, but if i really wanted i would probaly have to look in to adoption it would probally be better any way to adopt a child rather then have one. this way you would get a child and the child would get a home.

I've got two already.  I have zero regrets and am happy I had them both no matter how they got here.  I only wish I knew then what I know now and I would have probably done a better job of raising them both.  But as it is they turned out pretty good.

Not at all. I have never wanted children.  Same with my wife, or so she tells me.

I think it bothered me more in the past when I was younger, when my transition was complete the only dysphoria I had was ''pregnancy envy'' it was a form of dysphoria for me, but now I'm in my 50s I've lived with it for years, I'm now married to a wonderful man and Im now a housewife with time on my hands, but I can't get pregnant and have his child, doesn't bother me as much as it did in the past, but that's down to my age, well a woman a my age doesn't think about getting pregnant, I'm lucky it doesn't bother my husband, he still loves and accepts me as a woman, with or without children.

I have never, at any time in my life, wanted children.  At my age, I sure as heck don't want to start having them now.  So I am perfectly fine with permanently losing the ability to have them.

Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on June 02, 2016, 10:00:41 AMi especially hate that i can't ever in this life experience what it's like to menstruate, get pregnant and to give birth -- all of which are the pure essence of being female and i refuse to be a father, biologically or otherwise, in the sense that i will not use my male repro organs to bring another life into this world. It's just not happening.

From what I have heard from my wife and daughter, having a period, and being pregnant are not what they are cracked up to be.  from the perspective I am married maybe I'm off course. Cut to the chase. The only thing that matters is the baby. Having a period does not give you fulfilment nor does getting pregnant. Who wants morning sickness, bloating?. I sense you are about the attention it would bring and not really about female emotions, the sense of nurturing, even the health of the child.
While I agree with you it would be a exhilarating experience to give birth and I know it is as I have been there for the birth of both my children. I know i am in the wrong body but being a pragmatist I realize the limits of science to perform miracles. So start your HRT, get your SRS, and FFS which in themselves is pretty amazing. But before you do put some of those little swimmers on ice. You will, be glad you did if you happen to change your mind about having children. and they will still be "your" children.

Quote from: SophiaBleu on July 27, 2016, 01:51:59 PM
Not at all. I have never wanted children.  Same with my wife, or so she tells me.

I felt that way too with my first wife  and eventually put it off until I was 35. I always knew I was different. But at the time I was born they had very little knowledge of ->-bleeped-<-,even fewer roll models such as Christine Jorgensen and Christine Cossey. Today there are a whole cadre of brave individuals standing up to the stereotype. Jazz Jennings for one, even Kaitlin, even a cadre of actors, models and now politicians
But i can't even imagine my mental state today if I had not had my children  But in the back of my head was always the fear that someone would pick up on my proclivities to crossdress and take my kids away. 

Besides, having kids is fun.   It's particularly entertaining to deliberately embarrass them when they are teenagers by being seen with them in public.  LOL

The OP seems to be assuming that if she'd been born with a female reproductive system that she was guaranteed to be fertile - and there are many women who are not fertile for a variety of reasons. OP, how do you think you would have dealt with that?

Quote from: kelly_aus on July 27, 2016, 08:58:19 PM
The OP seems to be assuming that if she'd been born with a female reproductive system that she was guaranteed to be fertile - and there are many women who are not fertile for a variety of reasons. OP, how do you think you would have dealt with that?

The way i'm dealing with it now.

Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on June 02, 2016, 10:00:41 AM
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as being mean or whatever but what i was trying to say earlier was that since i hate that i was even born a boy and had to transition in the first place, i especially hate that i can't ever in this life experience what it's like to menstruate, get pregnant and to give birth -- all of which are the pure essence of being female and i refuse to be a father, biologically or otherwise, in the sense that i will not use my male repro organs to bring another life into this world. It's just not happening.

. I wanted to be a fireman but had a bad heart. I ended with a 40 year career as a Production Engineer and Buyer. We all dream of something different. I prayed from an early age that somehow a miracle would transform me.  Well unfortunately some 45 years later I no longer believe in miracles. I believe in myself, and with the help of the internet I am much better informed then was available at that time. If this were available and as easy to investigate 40 years ago, I would be looking for a womans room today. All the time I was praying I was becoming more and more angry. To the point of alienating everyone I loved, everyone I befriended. Something had to change. Next month I will begin HRT. It's been a long time coming. With the revelation that I was not a born man but rather a combo, and the woman was tired of being in the background all the time. I finally was honest with my therapist and revealed my confusion and desire to live as I was meant to be. Now I'm on my way.

I probably would have liked being a mother, but that was not possible. Then again, I am glad I never became a father. The dysphoria would be much worse, if I had.