My top surgery consult is booked and I could potentially be having it by the end of the year. As much as I am excited about having a flat chest, I can't help but think how hard this is going to be. I am very nervous about going under anesthesia because I'm afraid I won't wake up or that I'll feel pain while I'm under and my mental health problems are making this worse. I also don't have a girlfriend or any close friends who can be there for me during/after my surgery and I just really don't know if I can do this alone. I'm seeing a therapist later this week, but I'm also not sure how much trans experience she has so I don't know how much this will help. Anyone else done/doing this alone?

I really doubt they'll let you do it entirely alone. It's standard to require monitoring for 24 hours after anesthesia. The place I went said if I didn't have someone arranged for them to release me to and to stay with me after, they would help me hire a nurse.

I am one extremely nervous person about surgery and I have been out 7 times for various surgeries so far. With all of those surgeries, I have never felt pain while I was under anesthesia. With the more painful procedures, I was always offered pain killer but I judged the pain on waking not to be serious enough to have the pain killer. Your procedure may require something more so if you need it, take advantage of what the doctor offers you.

When you have your consultation, explain to the doctor how nervous you are about the procedure. There are several medication they can give you to help you with it. The one they gave me last time made me forget from just before they gave me the medication in the prep room until I woke up in the recovery room. The only reason I knew what happened was because I learned about the drug several years before and it matched what happened to me.

I suspect in hind site, you will feel the biggest difficulty will be the time you spend recovering after surgery and you will remember very little about the surgery.

I am seriously phobic of surgeries too but I've been under and never felt a thing. Woke up feeling fine. And relieved. I can't say all medical facilities are the same but in my experience they usually assume any person going in for surgery is nervous about it and do all they can to make you comfortable and reassured.

The last time I went in for anesthesia I was alone too, and it honestly was all right. The staff were great, even if I didn't have anyone else there to support me. I told them I absolutely loathe going under but as they told me, it feels like a much shorter time has elapsed than really has when you do. It's not like a long 8 hour sleep. Feels more like a few minutes, with a quick dream in it, maybe.

I am terrified of GA.

I've had two. You really don't know a thing - one minute you're being given the anaesthetic, the next, you're waking up with an oxygen mask on. It feels like a minute later. You see the clock on the wall and work out its been however many hours.

You can apparently be tranquillized first. Take that option. I wish I had, and I will next time. I understand your fear. There is nothing that really helps if it's a deep seated fear of yours, and I wouldn't suggest wasting your money on the likes of hypnosis - you don't know until you know. It doesn't matter how many statistics you hear about how safe it is, if you're really frightened of it, get a tranquilizer. That said, everybody has either had it or is close to someone who has, and virtually nobody knows anybody who has ever felt anything under it - it's the kind of anecdote you have to search the Internet for, and half of them are probably made up. And even if you're 85 years old and an emergency, your chances of not waking up are still negligible.

I don't know where my fear came from - I had one as a child, and one as an adult. I know I don't react badly, and it still terrifies me. My mother wishes she had a kit at home for nightly use, so it's not as if it's even a learned fear. I guess it's just one of those things you either take in your stride, or don't, depending on personality.

You will remember nothing - not very little - but nothing. Unless you are that one in a million, in which case, you are, memory doesn't even factor into it - you're gone until you're awake. Good luck with it all.

I was absolutely terrified when I went in for top. I had never had surgery before and end up having going in twice (though I'm not sure if I really needed to). Just like Dena I was also given a mix of things before hand (When I went in I don't remember anything after I was given it until I woke up in recovery) and I was offered pain medicine beforehand. But in the end there was no problem with anesthesia, recovering I didn't even have much pain afterwards. It is a scary prospect and I had to keep reminding myself it will all be over soon and you can always reschedule when you do schedule if you need to.

I had the same feeling when I went in for top surgery two years ago and my hysto last week. I hate going under and I'm a hard stick so getting an IV is nerve wracking. My top surgery was outpatient and I left same day and my hysto last week required a one day hospital stay? The worst part was getting the IV honestly. Everything else just followed and you can ask for something for nerves in your IV. You go into the OR, they put a mask on and next thing you know you wake up in the recovery room.

If you don't have anyone to stay with you, talk to the surgeon or the surgery center.  A lot of them can recommend a nurse to stay with you or make arrangements so you aren't alone.

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I have problems with local anesthetics (apparently it's associated with the red hair gene) so I was worried I'd wake up under general, but I had no problems, didn't even remember the operating room. If you're very worried, interrogate close family members who have had surgery. If they reacted badly to certain anesthetics you need to know this to tell the anesthesiologist. They have a variety of options if you have allergies or your mom/dad/siblings have issues with the standard preparations. If you're really phobic you could arrange to just check into the credentials of the anesthesiologist. I ended up really liking the one who worked with Dr. Garramone. We ended up talking about the Florida Gators. He had to cut my wedding ring off of me so we ended up talking more than would have been normal.

The worst part of surgery was being temporarily disabled and needing lots of help afterwards. I also didn't take to hydrocodone very well but I was in a lot of pain immediately after and needed it. If you know you do badly on narcotics, tell your doctor so you can get the right kind of pain treatment. You should also prepare to use Tylenol (assuming you tolerate that) and be educated on the max dose if you need to use that instead of narcotics. I was lucky to have family members with me who were very detail oriented and helped me take all my meds while recovering. (They also fed me and kept me entertained.) Some folks hire a nurse to help them. I hired a nurse for the first 24 hours and that helped with anxiety because they know what to look for if there's a problem or complication. They also showed me how to empty my drains which was good because I had them for a week (yuck!).

My surgery was done in under 2 hours under general anesthesia. I had someone drive me to and from surgery, stay with me overnight, and then I was on my own. They came back a week later to drive me to and from getting my drains out. I had no issues.

It was my first surgery and I was absolutely anxious about it (and wasn't actually planning to have to take care of myself for a week afterwards - but that's a whole other story), but it could not have possibly gone smoother.