Joy oh Joy - HRT for me - it has been a long time coming and I am alsmost there.

I had a worry this morning - I am getting tired again which could be a combination for working hard/bit of exercise/Depression meds/trying to keep sane. I am trying not to fight myself - I noticed yesterday shopping I got into a bit of a fight with me over female clothes as usual.

I am worried that when I do go onto HRT I will not be able to do any swimming/ridding. This gender stuff was never meant to interfear with triathlons and now it as over taken tri's because of the depression. I do not thing I will ever be greatful for that as Triathlons should of always been my number one prioity. I guess I will have to sit on the couch for some time while my body gets use to e  as I do not want to be falling alseap at work all the time.

Any thoughts?


Alice

GO Alice! GO!

Come on girls I need some feedbacl here.


How long on HRT where you tired for - when did you start to get some more engergy? Should I put all sporting ambitions on hold while I transform  ?

Alice

I have the same energy I used to, and I've only been on HRT for like over 4 months now.  So I wouldn't worry too much.  I do remember like the first month or so being more tired than others though.  It's nothing to stress over Alice, so don't worry

Well I know what keep me going on fitness and diet is fitting in to clothes without the W next to the number. I think exercising is suppose to good during transition but I don't know what intensity level would be good for that you have talk to somebody more knowledgeable than me. Always remember you are making these changes to become yourself not to be somebody else. So if triathlons on are your thing I wouldn't give up on them it might be thing that get you through transition. Unless it would interfere with your health.

Take care,
Anna

Quote from: Alice on January 13, 2008, 04:40:49 PM
I noticed yesterday shopping I got into a bit of a fight with me over female clothes as usual.

Which fight is that?

QuoteI am worried that when I do go onto HRT I will not be able to do any swimming/ridding.

I don't know if estrogen necessarily causes tiredness, but I've seen more than a few people suggest that spironolactone (and I'd guess possibly most anti-androgens) can... although the effect seems to mellow in time. I found myself short of breath often for the first few weeks/months HRT, not to mention "head rushes" when standing up too quickly (lower BP form spiro most likely), etc.

~Kate~

I felt tired for the first three days after I started HRT but that was it, other than that I have been fine.

Quote from: Kate on January 14, 2008, 03:22:11 PM

Quote from: Alice on January 13, 2008, 04:40:49 PM
I noticed yesterday shopping I got into a bit of a fight with me over female clothes as usual.

Which fight is that?

~Kate~

Hmmm - you want to know.

Any girl I see in a skirt/dress I hate with a pasion. They are making me change my whole world to conform with the gender thingy.

Yeap - I know - it is just me being bad and I gave myself a big talking to about being relaxed. But I always have these fights.

Alice

Quote from: Alice on January 13, 2008, 04:40:49 PM
I am worried that when I do go onto HRT I will not be able to do any swimming/ridding. This gender stuff was never meant to interfear with triathlons and now it as over taken tri's because of the depression. I do not thing I will ever be greatful for that as Triathlons should of always been my number one prioity. I guess I will have to sit on the couch for some time while my body gets use to e  as I do not want to be falling alseap at work all the time.

Hey Alice,
First of all, you KNOW I love you and I'm excited for you to start HRT, we've talked about this at length! We talked about the tiredness before in chat, but my big, big concern is that statement about "the gender stuff...never meant to interfere with triathlons."  I'm think I'm more concerned about the implications of your HRT on your biking, swimming and running than I am you being tired. I mean, seriously, I would have a hard time swimming right now, a wetsuit or shirt or anything sticking to my body would give me away. I wasn't sure what your time line for transition is Alice, we're you going to come out fairly quickly after HRT so that you could still do the sports or were you going to take a break from sports for a while. OR, and this is definitely a possibility, do you just keep doing the things you are doing and if people ask, you just tell them it's none of their business.

I want nothing but success for you because you are such a great person but also because I know how hard you've worked to get to where you are. It's been such a seemingly long road and I would hate for something as important to you as your triathlon to cause you to seriously question your decision. You've come way, way too far for that. Are you prepared to say or can you say that your transition is more important than competing in these events?

I think you'll get to the point after the first 30-60 days on HRT where you aren't completely drained all the time. Someone said they never got tired. Maybe it won't happen to you either, who knows? I was very, very tired for the first 3-60 days, sometimes sleeping for 12 hours (going to sleep at 7:00 pm and waking at 7:00 am) and now it just doesn't really make me tired. So I think everyone is different.

I think you know how important HRT was to you Alice, you searched for the right answer for yourself for so long. Remember this though, it's not a one way street, as much as we see it that way. If you start and after 60 days you are insane, then maybe it's time to soul-search again, you know? I'm only saying this because, although I don't think you would do that, I know how sometimes you've felt these conflicting feelings and I DO NOT want you to feel like you locked yourself into a decision if you aren't comfortable with it due to some of the issues it causes in your life. Again, I'm not AT ALL advocating starting HRT and stopping, I feel VERY STRONGLY that one should be 100% convinced that this is what they must do, no turning back. In my opinion, no one should start and stop. BUT, I would rather see someone start and stop if that helped them be at peace with themselves vs. being seriously depressed.

Anyway, I probably should have just private chatted you about this vs. putting it on the forum, but we seem to be just missing each other in chat. Anyway, I think me well enough to know that I care about you deeply and want you to be happy. Just don't sweat the tiredness, it goes away. Remember how far you came for this and don't let triathlons stand in the way of what you have to do either. You can do BOTH Love, Meghan

Thanks Meghan. Thats help a lot. It os so nice to know good friends are here to help me on my way.


Alice

Alice,  I would think that keeping up your riding and running will be more important while you go through HRT.  It will be harder to stay at a desired weight, so the more you do the better.

So happy for you!

Kristi

Congratulations Alice.  I believe your questions have already been answered..

*hugs*

tink

HRT shouldn't affect your energy.  I have never read anything in the medical literature that suggests such a thing.  Spironolactone, if you will be taking it, is a diuretic so you might feel dehydrated at times which can feel like energy drain.  You just have to drink more liquids than you are accustomed to compensate. 

I would be curious where you got the notion that HRT causes energy drain.  I mean hearsay is one thing, but if you have medical evidence, I would be interested.

s

 

Quote from: Alice on January 14, 2008, 04:42:44 PM
Any girl I see in a skirt/dress I hate with a pasion. They are making me change my whole world to conform with the gender thingy.

Ya know Alice, we're not all that different. I felt the same way whenever I saw an attractive woman - not sexy necessarily, but someone who "had it together," who was obviously successful as a woman. I didn't envy the clothes, but rather their femaleness, and their very *life*... to the point it HURT, and I resented them for it. And it hurt badly, 24/7, every second of my life.

I still can't explain it. Maybe it WAS a "fetish" or obsession in some odd way, I dunno. Since I was a small child, I've always been absolutely *obsessed* with girls, women and femaleness - though oddly, not necessarily femininity or the "stuff" surrounding it (clothes, jewelry, EasyBakes, etc.). Was I obsessed with girls because I was one? Or did I think I was a girl because I was obsessed with them? We'll never know.

All I knew was it was making me miserable, and the ONLY possible way out - though doubtful at the time - was to transition. Regardless of the "cause," I was miserable and had to so something about it, even if transition turned out to be a dismal failure for me. Luckily, it's turned out well - although I'll warn you: transition is a package deal. Yes, it may "cure" your current depression, but along with it comes a very, very different life with a whole new set of problems and trials to deal with. There's a difference when you can just dip into "being a woman" for a short time to satiate a need, then go back to a normal male life... versus living this way without "going back" even being possible.

I admire your openness and honesty regarding your feelings and motivations, and I applaud your bravery for being willing to find out where you truly need to be at last.

~Kate~

Thats very interesting Kate.

Buffy called it being jealous which certainyl rang true with me. There is no way to get rid of that jealously except to transistion into a life where we are free to express ourselves.

You reminded me of the last time I went to sydney and spent 2 days as Alice. In coming back we stopped at a cafe and this woman was looking at me in a funny way. I finaly figured out what she was looking at - I had forgotten about the gender thing and was relaxed as Alice - it felt so nice to just have it out of my mind for a few hours.

I also remember asking a friend about this when I was still wondering if HRT was for me. I asked her why I seamed more relaxed as Alice and her comment was 'perhaps it is because you are more comfortable as Alice'. I know where she is coming from - remember back to the incident at the cafe. It is like I can relax and express myself - so there is no need to be jealous. In the end my only conclusion was my brain thinks in a female way.

Quote
Was I obsessed with girls because I was one? Or did I think I was a girl because I was obsessed with them? We'll never know

Yeap - I have been obsessed with girls my whole life and I thought is was natural - all guys like to see girls in skirts/dresses - I did not relise my focus was different in an important way. Normal guys just want to have sex with them and are attacted to them by their beauty. I always wanted to be one of them. Like your quote above - I will never now the why.

Quote
All I knew was it was making me miserable, and the ONLY possible way out - though doubtful at the time - was to transition. Regardless of the "cause," I was miserable and had to so something about it, even if transition turned out to be a dismal failure for me. Luckily, it's turned out well - although I'll warn you: transition is a package deal. Yes, it may "cure" your current depression, but along with it comes a very, very different life with a whole new set of problems and trials to deal with. There's a difference when you can just dip into "being a woman" for a short time to satiate a need, then go back to a normal male life... versus living this way without "going back" even being possible.

I so relate to this - yes my life was miserable (depression is not fun and plays awful tricks on your mind) and like you I have concluded that I have to try transistion. Last night at swimming I was wondering how long on HRT it will be till I have to cover up. Imagine me on HRT and swimming like a guy - my top fully exposed. Yeap - there will be a new set of challenges ahead - I am not expecting this to be easy.

Alice




Posted on: January 17, 2008, 10:26:00 AM

---

It feels so weird contemplating my life in 3 short weeks. What will HRT do to me - will I relax - will I transistion all the way. I keep on going though the whole set of events that lead to this and the conclusin is the same - HRT is for me. I do feel a bit trapped as without the depression I would never of contenplated this - but in the same way it will be a good thing if I can finaly be happy with who I am.

Alice

Alice, the jealousy thing is so very true.  Lately it has been getting worse for me, too.  I see a girl driving to work, fussing with her makeup in the mirror, and it just kills me.  Or I walk by a girl with an outfit I really admire and my stomach ties up in knots.  And probably the worst is when I see a pretty woman tastefully displaying a hint of cleavage, and it is all I can do to keep it together.  Why?  everything in me tells me I belong there, not like the impostor I am posing as.  Do let us know how it goes, sweetie! 



Kristi

Now I am unhappy,

I keep waking up tired. Looks like my ridding is dead - Dam anti-depression meds - dam depression - dam GID - I never wanted this challenge I am faced with.

Alice