I'm confused. Experiencing a dizzying, obsessive few days where all I can think of is my gender. I'm 36, haven't had gender dysphoria or really anything resembling it for essentially my entire life. In fact, I actually really liked my body and was enthusiastic about building muscle.
I thought I was gay. I discovered an intense attraction to men when I was 15. Sexuality was the defining issue of my life. I do remember a couple cross dressing sessions after that, as well as pretending to be female to talk to men online. Some fantasies being a woman with a man too. I'm not sure if that was misplaced homosexual repression.
So - did anyone ever actually like their biological body and/or feel connected with it?

I do, it's my body and so it's me. I don't believe that body and mind are separate.

Being a guy I certainly want to look more manly, and I'm working towards that. I might have it less easy than people born with a male body, but I can do a lot and with hard work get to the point where I am satisfied. Besides that, there is plenty of cis guys with beer bellies and/or sloppy muscles, so it's normal.

Sorry, I meant the original, pre transition body.

HI Mike....

I am a fully transitioned TS... I never experienced the hatred of my own body that some describe ... My male body served me well for 50+ years but, as I came to realize what had been going on inside me since childhood ... The path for where I wanted to take the rest of my life became clear and the body I had been born with needed to change for my life to be realied fully

Take Care,

Ashley

Ashley,

If you didn't hate your body how did you feel about it? And why did you feel the need to make such a drastic change?

Quote from: mikeffd on August 08, 2016, 10:34:05 AM
Sorry, I meant the original, pre transition body.

Exactly that body.

I knew there was something up with the way I felt as a child... I knew I would like to be a girl but there were no words in those days to describe what I was.... I was always a bit of a realistic kid and dealt with the realities presented me... The realities were... This is stuff you should keep to yourself and there was no magic genie that was going to make me a girl... If there was... At any point in my life , I would have said... My wish is to be female!!!.... But the genie never came...

So...I put these feelings on the back burner and went about life doing what males do...the feelings inside led to a lifelong feeling of disconnection from others.. The facade I put forward was all they saw so interactions never reflected who I truly was... Very much a cut off feeling that colored much of my life.. Leading to a good bit of drug abuse in my 20s and early 30s

Finally.. In my early 50s ... what had always been on the back burner was boiling over and demanded my full attention... I met the first transgender woman I had ever met and realized that she was living the life she chose... Successfully and without regrets...Hey!!!! I COULD DO THAT!!!!

I became my own magic genie and immediately set out to make my life my own.... My old body had to go... It didn't fit in with my choices anymore

It's a hard path at times... The hardest thing I have ever done but also the best... I am finally connected to others and the world around me and I am living the joy of a life FINALLY my own...

I wish you all the best as you explore your road ahead!!!

Take Care,

Ashley

Quote from: mikeffd on August 08, 2016, 09:40:30 AM
I'm confused. Experiencing a dizzying, obsessive few days where all I can think of is my gender. I'm 36, haven't had gender dysphoria or really anything resembling it for essentially my entire life. In fact, I actually really liked my body and was enthusiastic about building muscle.

I have never met a trans woman who loved their body (before transition).  They either hated their body, or they felt neutral about their body.  But "love their body"?  Nope.  I have also never met a trans woman who hasn't had some form of gender dysphoria.  GD is pretty much the defining characteristic of what it means to be trans... maybe some trans women had only mild GD before transitioning... but none at all?  After 36 years?  I never met anyone like that.

Now when I say "trans woman" I actually mean transsexual woman (which is what I am) - someone who medically transitions from one binary to the other.

My initial impression is that you're not a transsexual woman, but you could very well still be a transgender person.  The very fact that you're asking these questions indicates that you're likely some sort of gender variant.  There are many different gender identities and gender expressions that fall under the transgender umbrella.  Keep asking yourself questions, keep searching, talk to other TG people both online and in-person, and talk to a therapist if you are able.  Best wishes to you in your journey of self-discovery!!

I've liked my body's conditioning on rare occasion.

Besides that, I never did like it.

Your dysphoria appears based on the social role instead of the body. There are some transgender people like that. Although as it's only been a few days, I'd play it cool for awhile and see what happens.

Quote from: EmilyMK03 on August 08, 2016, 12:19:15 PM
GD is pretty much the defining characteristic of what it means to be trans...

It seems to me that this is conflating gender dysphoria with body dysphoria. GD is disagreeing with a given gender that has been assigned to you without even asking you, and identifying otherwise. But the body has nothing to do with that, that is body dysphoria, and is not a requisite for being trans...

Quote from: JMJW on August 08, 2016, 01:23:48 PM
Your dysphoria appears based on the social role instead of the body. There are some transgender people like that.

Maybe it's not the case to generalise this assumption, I'm sure that there are transgender people who only feel social dysphoria but the point is this: not hating your body and not wishing to change it through surgery or hormones doesn't exclude seeing your body as part of your innate gender and desiring to be more close to the common shape of that gender's body.

Hi Mikeffd

Quote from: mikeffd on August 08, 2016, 09:40:30 AM
I'm confused. Experiencing a dizzying, obsessive few days where all I can think of is my gender.

Questioning something so fundamental to our sense of 'us' is a pretty big thing! It's totally a-ok to obsess for a while.

Quote from: mikeffd on August 08, 2016, 09:40:30 AMI do remember a couple cross dressing sessions... as well as pretending to be female to talk to men online. Some fantasies being a woman with a man too.

When you are presenting en-femme (online or dressed), what leads up to it? how do you feel before you get prepared? and how do you feel whilst presenting that way? How did you feel when you were female (if you can remember), during your fantasy times? Sorry for the 50 questions, but something is subconsciously motivating you to be more feminine, and not masculine, and more importantly you are asking why.

Dysphoria may be for you, maybe simply the action of requestioning your gender, time and again.

It's easy to forget in a mainly binary world that this is all a spectrum, and next steps are what you choose, and the rate of progress too, is your choice



Sno

Quote from: Heita on August 08, 2016, 01:55:05 PM
not hating your body and not wishing to change it through surgery or hormones doesn't exclude seeing your body as part of your innate gender and desiring to be more close to the common shape of that gender's body.

If the question is can you have body dysphoria if you don't hate your body. Then yes of course one can.

If you actually love your body as it is though, as the topic title says,  the body is probably a non issue. But I note the OP used past tense. It depends if that love is still in effect.

I love my pre-transition body.



However, there are merits and demerits.

I am physically stronger and have more muscle than most women. I look far younger than most of women at my age (52).

I sometimes strongly wish to have breasts of at least A-cup size and the female genital. To have them, I need HRT and SRS, but it will reduce my physical strength, eventually making me look far older. Above all, I have a dedicated wife and lovely kids, preventing me from any degree of transition.

I wish to transform physically to a woman, but nevertheless I can love my present body.

barbie~~

Heya well I don't know what normal is but from my experience as far back as I can remember I've always felt I was ugly and especially fat even when I was very skinny I always hated my body, even when people would say I was good looking I wouldn't believe them. but as I got into my late teen years it got much worse. I still am not happy with it now. But when I look back old pictures I can see a different person than i did at the time. I guess that's the dysphoria though. But over the years there have been a few rare times when I think I'm not so bad looking but that was usually with a more feminine look.

I totally agree with barbie, from the other side of the river, there are merits and demerits.

I am doing my everything to reduce my chest and have slender legs, a more muscular body overall and to lower my voice, but I like to have body flexibility, an ethereal singing voice, soft skin and good hair. Using hormones will give me a beard that I would not like at all, possibly less hair, no singing voice, and would interfere with the extra option that I have for sex and that once in a while is useful. Enlarged genitalia would be ok, but I don't need a penis. What I really want is something that I can get to an almost satisfactory degree on my own.

Quote from: JMJW on August 08, 2016, 07:49:01 PM
If the question is can you have body dysphoria if you don't hate your body. Then yes of course one can.

If you actually love your body as it is though, as the topic title says,  the body is probably a non issue. But I note the OP used past tense. It depends if that love is still in effect.

I understand your point and I think it's a good one, my stance is that I want to be by my side and love myself all in all, I want to improve myself vs change, because that sends me the message that I'm not ok. I want to love, support and cherish my body the way I do with my mind. And I do have dysphoria. But I will never "alter" or "get rid" of me.

Quote from: Heita on August 09, 2016, 04:40:39 AM
I am doing my everything to reduce my chest and have slender legs, a more muscular body overall and to lower my voice, but I like to have body flexibility, an ethereal singing voice, soft skin and good hair.

Yes. I run about 10 km, sometimes up to 30 km (20 miles), every 2 days to maintain my body shape, especially for the waist. While maintaining health, I can enjoy exposing my body in summer. This is the best option I can choose, as it does not require any money. But I once tried to get HRT to feminize further, but the doctor asked my wife's approval. I gave up. But no regret.

barbie~~

I have always felt like my body was a "woman suit" that I couldn't take off and that there was the man I should be trapped inside. I had a problem with self harm before puberty and it stopped when I was 17. That was the last time I ever did it. I'm glad I was able to stop self harming because I have trans friends who are adults who never were able to stop. So my mind and body connection is mostly dead and the only way I feel ok sometimes is to visualize myself as the man I should be, but I know others don't see me the way I see myself. Transition will help as much as it can. I will always have some height dysphoria but it's fine compared to the rest.

I enjoy working out and staying fit as well, but I have always though of myself as a human avatar and really enjoy computer games where you create a character to represent yourself. There are wrestling games where you can do this, the Sims games are good for this, and Second Life (google it). There are also a lot of jacked male video game characters I wish I looked like but the way they're built I'm sure I'll never get that jacked. I enjoy picturing myself as them as well as a few favorite celebrities and listening to their music, watching them in movies helps me to pick up traits of the character they play. I hope any of these methods of becoming who you want to be help others.

I made myself as attractive as i could for my tastes for some years and decided that still wasn't correct and transitioned with encouragment. I had a rocking andro body!

I'm in a life rut and I'm still happier. this just shows that it is the right thing to do.

Quote from: mikeffd on August 08, 2016, 09:40:30 AM
So - did anyone ever actually like their biological body and/or feel connected with it?

It's not so much that I hate my body, it's more that it feels wrong. I will admit that being able to stand to pee in a pinch is great, but other than that...

Let's say I've rarely been comfortable with my body and transition isn't going to shift that a lot as I would wish to be pretty.

The years I've spent training have let me feel good about optimizing what I've got and my sexuality has run a similar course -- being able to please women has let me be close to women who are what I want to be myself.

I have a huge bank of muscle memory, that makes things possible for me that I'm glad of. I'm happiest working glass, rock climbing, cycling, blacksmithing ... all things that let me feel graceful.

I should probably learn to dance one of these days :-).