Hey everyone,
I have always had a problem with how intelligent I am. Everyone around me will tell me how I am more intelligent than most people, but I have never thought so. I have always been great at all of the sciences, I read at a college level when I was only in second grade and I won two geography bee's in a row in the fourth grade. My problem is when it comes to math. Ever since the first grade I have always been behind in my math skills. I guess this is where my lack of confidence has come from. So I guess what I am asking is, when I start my hormones and I start to get that self-confidence back. Will I start to see a change in what I can and can't do academically. How will my brain chemistry adjust to the HRT? WIll I still have the same interests that I always have, mostly in the STEAM fields?
I apologize in advance if I have come off as pretentious or snooty.

I think there is no way of being sure.

As far as intelligence though I think it's very possible to be highly intelligent in some things but not in others.  For instance, one might have a high IQ and be very competent in math and writing but at the same time be virtually unable to learn other languages that someone else may be able to do easily.   I don't think anybody really knows why either because the inner workings of the brain are not well understood.

I've heard from some trans men taking T that it's effected their ability to be creative but haven't heard of it affecting 'intellectual' subjects. I assume once your brain has formed that's it; your ability to do certain things is unchangeable. Some people are born with a capability to do maths or some to use words well. They can learn a new skill but it has to suit their type of intelligence. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_multiple_intelligences

Will I at least be able to focus better on HRT?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: supergirl23 on August 09, 2016, 04:10:07 AM
Will I at least be able to focus better on HRT?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yeah definitely; now your brain will be on the right hormones and you won't have so much dysohoria or anxiety around being trans. But HRT won't cure anxiety or depression by itself.

Quote from: Elis on August 09, 2016, 04:22:02 AM
Yeah definitely; now your brain will be on the right hormones and you won't have so much dysohoria or anxiety around being trans. But HRT won't cure anxiety or depression by itself.

So I will finally be able to study for and actually finish an online course? Because that's one of my issues right now. I get bored easily with pretty much everything and then I start thinking about my transness. And then I start browsing Susan's place and then I get on YouTube.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't see why not if you're transness is causing you to lose concentration because it's become an obsession to constantly think and worry about it. From my personal experience it took many months for me to be able to concentrate again because my brain had to readjust to the T; plus I had bad depression and anxiety not trans related. Plus I think I'm just one of those people who get distracted easily; so if that's just a part of your personality HRT can't fix it.

I get bored and distracted very easily indeed. Sadly HRT didn't help in those areas.
I guess that's why I've had 16 jobs so far, all different.
But the upside is that folks like us can generally turn our hand to most things easily. The phrase "Jack (maybe that should be Jill) of all trades, master of none" is pretty apt for me.
For instance, I should be working now, yet I'm on here posting instead.

I don't think it's affected mine at all, and I'm pretty sure I'd notice. I did worry about it before I started.

It did make me write a little better.  But that's because my mind is able to focus a lot better now.

I can only speak for myself, anecdotally, as no two brains are quite alike.

I was a very intelligent, effeminate child with delayed onset puberty (among other things).  I had constructed my own shortwave radio equipment, and built little science fair projects like an organic dye pulsed LASER, the ever-popular Tesla coil, and an ECG machine with a CRT display.  I was very good at math, including geometry and differential equations.

Then I was helped with testosterone injections.  Dad said they were "vitamin shots, so you'll grow up right."  Grades dropped from As to Ds, my attention span vanished, and I couldn't think straight.  A couple years later, I struggled in college, eventually dropping out for military service.  I seemed to get better as time passed, and I finished my physics degree in the service.

Now, at age 62, I've started HRT.  About 3 weeks after I started an anti-androgen, spironolactone, I started to have flashes of insight that greatly sped up work on some hobby electronics projects.  4 weeks after starting HRT my testosterone had been cut over half, and was at the minimum normal for a cismale.  The last week or so I feel mentally like I'm firing on all cylinders, preparing a presentation on a technical topic that I'm giving later today.

My ability to concentrate is greatly improved.  I've referred to this effect in the past as 'the noise in my head' going away. Not an auditory hallucination, but the buzz of distracting little impulses of mental junk.

My old therapist mentioned something to me one day that I thought was very interesting, regarding self-confidence.  I mentioned that I always felt that, in spite of being a top performer and well-regarded individual in my professional field, I always felt deep inside that I was somehow a fraud, and would somehow be 'found out'.  I worried that I might have done things that deliberately damaged my career and life, a sort of self-sabotage, and that perhaps this 'Trans' thing was just more self-sabotage.

Nope.  He explained that by hiding my nature for so long behind the false front of a male persona, that I was used to hiding and having a damaging secret, and was generalizing that 'fear of discovery' beyond my actual secrets and across my whole life.  He said that this 'Imposter Syndrome' https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome was actually common among transgender persons.

Quote from: Michelle_P on August 09, 2016, 02:52:30 PM
I can only speak for myself, anecdotally, as no two brains are quite alike.

I was a very intelligent, effeminate child with delayed onset puberty (among other things).  I had constructed my own shortwave radio equipment, and built little science fair projects like an organic dye pulsed LASER, the ever-popular Tesla coil, and an ECG machine with a CRT display.  I was very good at math, including geometry and differential equations.

Then I was helped with testosterone injections.  Dad said they were "vitamin shots, so you'll grow up right."  Grades dropped from As to Ds, my attention span vanished, and I couldn't think straight.  A couple years later, I struggled in college, eventually dropping out for military service.  I seemed to get better as time passed, and I finished my physics degree in the service.

Now, at age 62, I've started HRT.  About 3 weeks after I started an anti-androgen, spironolactone, I started to have flashes of insight that greatly sped up work on some hobby electronics projects.  4 weeks after starting HRT my testosterone had been cut over half, and was at the minimum normal for a cismale.  The last week or so I feel mentally like I'm firing on all cylinders, preparing a presentation on a technical topic that I'm giving later today.

My ability to concentrate is greatly improved.  I've referred to this effect in the past as 'the noise in my head' going away. Not an auditory hallucination, but the buzz of distracting little impulses of mental junk.

My old therapist mentioned something to me one day that I thought was very interesting, regarding self-confidence.  I mentioned that I always felt that, in spite of being a top performer and well-regarded individual in my professional field, I always felt deep inside that I was somehow a fraud, and would somehow be 'found out'.  I worried that I might have done things that deliberately damaged my career and life, a sort of self-sabotage, and that perhaps this 'Trans' thing was just more self-sabotage.

Nope.  He explained that by hiding my nature for so long behind the false front of a male persona, that I was used to hiding and having a damaging secret, and was generalizing that 'fear of discovery' beyond my actual secrets and across my whole life.  He said that this 'Imposter Syndrome' https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome was actually common among transgender persons.

Oh my, damn... there it is.
Huh, now I am tearful.
Impostor syndrome, yeah, never heard of that before. Then I read that Wiki page, daaamn! That's me, almost word-for-word.
That's scary, having these internalised issues, like, forever, then reading something like that where these innermost worries (fraud, imposter, self-sabotage, etc...) are just all laid out plain to see, like someone opened up my head, and pulled all this out.
That's why I've always been an agency worker, because I'm always expecting someone to see through my successes and show me the door. Despite getting technical excellence awards where I work, and always being one of only a handful of women to do so, when 100's of male colleagues receive them, in a company of over 30,000 employees. I always just put it down to sheer luck or a fluke.
Even as far back as my college completion ceremony, I was the highest achieving student that year, by a considerable margin. All my classmates had turned up in caps and gowns to collect their grades, most people's parents had turned up to see them (mine too). But I didn't bother with any of that fancy dress, to the intense annoyance of my parents, I just turned up in some everyday clothes, and played it all down as being not really an achievement at all. I didn't value it, or think I deserved it, I felt like a total fraud being there.
That's been my whole life, feeling like a fraud, that I'm going to get found out.
So now I know what to call it.
Thank you Michelle.

Hanging a name on it is a start.  Dealing with it takes time and effort.  There are so many pieces to this gender dysphoria puzzle, and I don't yet have the big picture to solve it with.

After two months of HRT and even more electrolysis, I find this morning I'm having doubts again, that somehow with almost 6 decades of prayers, dressing, and hiding that maybe this is just more self-sabotage and I'm not really Trans at all.  Yeah, in spite of nasty depression, and the enormous improvement I've had up til today.  See, I have therapy today and I had forgotten to tell my wife well in advance (more self-sabotage, or just fear of her reaction?). She needs time to plan how she wants to avoid me. Her reaction on my telling her, the silence and glare of contempt, was enough to send me into a tailspin.

Either way, I managed to crash myself again.  Gah! 

Quote from: Michelle_P on August 10, 2016, 10:14:56 AM
Either way, I managed to crash myself again.  Gah!

I hope you feel better soon.  :-). Your situation sounds hopelessly impossible and mostly beyond your control.  I can understand how that makes you feel.

I hit a really low point too two days ago and I'm not sure why.  I'm beginning to suspect that I am subconsciously feeling frustrated with my current progress and lack of any real vision for the future.

Quote from: Michelle_P on August 10, 2016, 10:14:56 AM
Hanging a name on it is a start.  Dealing with it takes time and effort.  There are so many pieces to this gender dysphoria puzzle, and I don't yet have the big picture to solve it with.

After two months of HRT and even more electrolysis, I find this morning I'm having doubts again, that somehow with almost 6 decades of prayers, dressing, and hiding that maybe this is just more self-sabotage and I'm not really Trans at all.  Yeah, in spite of nasty depression, and the enormous improvement I've had up til today.  See, I have therapy today and I had forgotten to tell my wife well in advance (more self-sabotage, or just fear of her reaction?). She needs time to plan how she wants to avoid me. Her reaction on my telling her, the silence and glare of contempt, was enough to send me into a tailspin.

Either way, I managed to crash myself again.  Gah!

Hey Michelle, hang in there girl!
I've had plenty of crashes, I know what it's like. My heart goes out to you hun.
With society set the way it is, and people being how they generally are, it often feels like 'trans person' against the world. No one is being encouraging, it's no wonder we have so many doubts. Places like this are often little sanctuaries, because it's only another trans person who knows what we go through.
I hope things work out for you.
It sounds like all the compromise is coming from you, you're bound to kick back eventually.
Being trans is tough.

Thanks.   The therapy session helped. We went over what's going on, and worked on a few ideas for coping.  We determined I'm not really ready for full-time yet, so I should do what I can to stick it out while HRT does it's magic and I get through more electrolysis.  At home we're trying to get more communication going.   One day is easy.  Making a persistent change is harder.