I don't remember where this truism came from, but it popped back into my head and the long-winded sentiment I gather is this: boys aren't inherently magnetized by or envious of the personalities of other girls. girls, on the other hand, want to be like other girls, identify with them. I've noticed (particularly among family) that talking about how great or cool a non-binary or female celebrity is, or sharing pics of famous actresses/singers/etc in inspiration posts differs a lot from how the other men in my life view human beings who aren't male, which is very based in physical characteristics and openly lusting.

I bring this all up because lately I've had trouble believing myself in my own assertion that I am not cisgender male but in fact genderqueer. Maybe in desperation, I've been trying to grasp onto whatever signifiers make me feel more at home in my GQ identity as of late. I've recently realized that I like to talk about the male and non-male people who inspire me similarly to how a woman would with another woman, and I like to talk that way with anyone who isn't a straight man, or else I feel like I'm being fruity or just talking with a bunch of horny boys. It's often alienating.

Does anyone relate to what I'm describing and do you believe there's something to it that's exclusive to an androgynous/female mind?

Welcome to Susan's Place. I was transsexual in that I felt uncomfortable as a male and moving into the feminine role eliminated the discomfort I felt. There were no role models in my life that I admired. One day I went from ignorance to the realization that my body wasn't right. Looking back at my early childhood, there were signs of it all along but they were easy to miss because I was unaware of my true self until it was awaken.

I believe you are much like me and have always been the way you are but at some point your identity came forward. There isn't much point to figuring it out because it's unknowable. Your efforts would be best spend finding the best way to move forward.

While science has some proof that binary identities are biological in nature, they haven't produce evidence that non binary is. This is because they have been looking for it but I believe that non binary is biological in nature and is not the result of environment. This makes you very much like me with the difference only being expression.

I wish you will in your journey and hope you find happiness.

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I can relate a bit to what you're saying.  I typically find it a bit off-putting when guys say things like, "I'd bang her", but I always just attributed that to me being less crass than most boys.  Maybe it is indeed that I think more like a mix of a male and a female; it's difficult to be certain.  I do certainly feel a bit "dirty" if I say similar things (being attracted to women).

I had tried hanging out with the girls in my dorm a bit more during the last few months of school, and I'm not quite sure I entirely fit in with them either, at least considering the way they talk about guys.  However, I certainly didn't get any feelings of being unclean like I did with the guys.  I just didn't quite share their attraction to handsome men