Hi
this was my last post before leaving Buenos Aires, which I decided not to post. I don't know why but I had a negative feeling, call me superstitious, so I thought I'd wait until the time felt right and post it. Some times things just feel better when you wait. Anyway, here it is:
I've been locked up for a few days in the flat, mostly due to the effects of the hair transplant on my face making me not feel like venturing out. It's been horrendously boring. For the first time today I've noticed the swelling on my forehead begin to dissipate, making me look less akin to a dolphin.
I actually realised though, if I make the effort, tie my hair up, I don't look too bad. So I decided to go for a stroll this cold evening, and see how I feel. More out of boredom of being indoors and a need to release myself from this prison.
During my stroll, I had many thoughts. It's amazing how some space and movement can help your mental well-being. I've decided to write about them here. I don't care if they never get read. This account of my journey in Buenos Aires has become a little blog, which is the first unofficial one I've ever written and I've actually enjoyed recording.
I dwelled upon how far I've come in this journey. How it's affected the course of my life. The surgeries I've underwent and what I'll continue, if I do, to do in the future. What it's meant to me. What I've achieved. What I've been lucky to have successfully obtained.
First off: my voice. I had vocal feminisation performed last year. I hate that word, feminisation. A correct term would be vocal gender correction or something like that. Feminisation just sounds, creepy. It's a term I feel a non-understanding person of gender would use. I went to Yeson for this surgery. After a months silence which was required of me to recover, I heard my voice for the first time. There was a lift. There were no more undertones, better put. Over time I realised my voice could rise; that I didn't need to keep speaking at the lower range of my vocal scale and I began raising my pitch. After some practice with a teacher, miraculous things began to take place. Literally, miraculous. My voice overnight, flicked a switch and went from 180Hz to 240Hz. I sounded more like a mouse at first. Then with time, continuing to work with a specialist, I brought my pitch down to about 220Hz. When I finished my course of Clonazepam, a drug given to me post-op and meant to be taken several months after surgery, my pitch continued to drop. It dropped to about 200Hz and varied between 180-200Hz on a good day. It wasn't just the pitch, but the colour of my voice. It sounded amazing and I was very happy. At the moment, I am at this place and it alternates recurringly between this range and a more pinched range, whereby from time to time it will drop to a lower vocal register. Often making me feel or wonder whether I'm actually talking on a regular basis in falsetto. I don't think I am, I think I am just speaking in a vocal register whereby the source comes from in my head.
Fast forward 8 months post Yeson surgery and I'm now in Buenos Aires. Wewwwww...deep breath
I can't believe it - how soon this has happened. It's a miracle, crazy, all so soon, but all at the right time, waiting around, loaning money, working weekends, speaking to doctors, choosing my surgeon and making the best choice.
So here I am. On a coach in an apartment in downtown Buenos Aires. Reminiscing and taking a deep breath in, breathing in all the ideas, thoughts, feelings, I've experienced, dealt with, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, on this journey.
My FFS and Breast Augementation (BA) went well. After waking up in the operating theatre, recuperating my strength. Seeing the swelling reduce. Seeing myself in the mirror for the first time. Seeing my breasts in the mirror. Taking it easy, and unveiling myself - thinking 'Ok', posing, snapping a few photos. My breasts immediately became a part of me, they were mine, not 'implants' - and for that I feel fantastic.
Seeing how my forehead reconstruction, the shaving of my brow bone and orbital rims and brow lift, all in unison opened up my eyes. What a good job the doctor who knew what he was doing, did. I felt just, wow. The biggest test was out and about, in public. How I would feel. Without revealing my hair. Without even feeling as though I was testing myself, I noticed how feminine and unconcerned I was about my look. No gender dysphoria, that's what I looked to relieve - so subtle.
I next moved down to my jaw. My chin is tapered first of all, to a single point. That looks good. Over the past week my jaw was incredibly swollen and the results have been incredibly hard to see. The swelling, has reduced a lot in the past two days and I've been able to see the results better. It looks more narrow and the corners are more slender. I did wonder whether what they did was enough in this area at first as I think I expected the result to look, well I think what I was look for was the corner of my jawline to be higher up. I realise now, that that is an expectation that couldn't of been achievable. The surgeon has to work with what he's presented with, he cant exactly remodel the structure of your skull. If he made it in proportion with the rest of my face, he knew what he was doing and in doing that he achieved a superb job.
As my forehead is currently swollen still from the hair transplant I had after the first surgery, the jaw does look proportionately smaller, however I had already seen that my upper face looks right, so I know too that when all settles into place they'll be in harmony.
Next - my nose. I saw during the removal of the cast, prior to it being taped, that it looks incredible. The rhinoplsty matches the rest of my features and suits me perfectly. They've reduced the end in size and I feel above lucky to have the nose, centre of my face, so beautifully crafted by the surgeons skill. I cannot complain all in all about hardly anything.
It was a last minute decision, and I did decide to have an adam's apple reduction and feel glad that I did. My concern was that it would impact my voice, however since the cartiledge was very minor and stood out only in one spot, it was easy to remove.
Lastly, I also had lipo-filling to the cheeks and asked for them too to be on my smiles lines too. It's hard to see the result as I still have a lot of swelling.
Unfortunately I couldn't have lipo-filling to the lips because the surgeons were unable to extract a sufficient volume of fat from my abdominal. So I won't complain about that. It would also seem vain and possibly pushing out my moral compass too far. I'm not that kind of girl, so won't.
The doctor, as an added little bonus also removed the little mole near my right eye too which I'm grateful for.
Gawd... so, so oh much I've had done and so lucky to have gotten through it all - to have got through it all in one piece, healthily, not in too much pain, nor discomfort. More importantly, to have survived it without any accidents, unexpected results; and to have achieved harmony.
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Update post-op 6 weeks: The bloodshot eye has reduced a lot and I feel a lot more normal now. My swelling has also reduced around my chin. It's hard to notice the changes, one can only do so when comparing to older photo's, as the welling doesn't diminish overnight.
Right, for anyone looking for a support group and considering seeing Dr Rossi, please join here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/tchange/I've created this group, I think you need to send a request to join? Possibly. I can;t remember how I've left the settings, but it is a group that isn't open for anyone to join. If you mention that you found the link here, I'll know you're genuine.
Next; I'm going to post some before and after pictures.
Stay tuned folks!
