Hey there !

Some of you might have read some of my questions here... 28 yr old male trying to realize if I'm trans or not... of if it's all OCD playing me tricks... however will be seeing a therapist soon (gender one)...
But a weird question for those of you as well who realized later in life...
Did you have a tough time standing for yourself? Say... every time I'm in public and for ex reason some dude wants to fights me... I freak out, like I feel fear all over me, panic. Was never able to realize if this was because I'm in reality a woman (and even though I have a male body my mind freaks out against the aggressiveness of a male), which leads me to freak out. This kind of kills me because I don't think I could defend say... my girlfriend if I have to (just to give an example)...

Thanks !

I never had any problem standing up for myself. I created an image that I lived behind that didn't allow for me being bullied.  To be fair though, I also had quite a bit of training in the Army that left me with a lot of confidence and self assurance.  So, I don't think being trans will cause any single personality outcome.  There are a lot more factors involved.

Quote from: help.confused88 on August 15, 2016, 10:46:17 AM
Hey there !

Some of you might have read some of my questions here... 28 yr old male trying to realize if I'm trans or not... of if it's all OCD playing me tricks... however will be seeing a therapist soon (gender one)...
But a weird question for those of you as well who realized later in life...
Did you have a tough time standing for yourself? Say... every time I'm in public and for ex reason some dude wants to fights me... I freak out, like I feel fear all over me, panic. Was never able to realize if this was because I'm in reality a woman (and even though I have a male body my mind freaks out against the aggressiveness of a male), which leads me to freak out. This kind of kills me because I don't think I could defend say... my girlfriend if I have to (just to give an example)...

Thanks !

I hope you have as much luck as I did in finding a local friend. ChrisDeee shared her experiences with me and now I don't feel so afraid. But I'm still not quite there yet. Don't do it by yourself. Find someone to trust.

I've never been one to fight in my earlier years.  Like you, I would get great anxiety if the incident would occur.  Later in life (I'm 44 now), through repeated burying my feminine side, I started to automatically get aggressive....not to fight, but not to be pushed around.   To be fair though, if ever a confrontation would occur, I would be drained mentally and physically, because deep down I know it wasn't the real me acting.

With all this said, like Deborah said, theres no single personality when you are Trans.  Everyone is different.

Unfortunately, I'm not out yet, so still have to hide behind a male exterior, even though lately, my feminine side is showing her beautiful side once in a while.


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Greetings and welcome to this new step in life. Congratulations on realizing that you don't want to do all of this on your own and have chosen to seek gender therapist inputs as well as using Susan's Place as a source of guidance.

You ask an interesting question, looking at need of defense and where aggression fits into all of this. I studied marshal arts for several years and achieved enough training that I should not have to worry in most situations but have never had to use it in a physical sense at any time in my life. The most important things that I taught my students were to focus on confidence and situational awareness. Carrying confidence has people seeing you to NOT be a victim.Situational awareness lets you know enough to chose well what kind of situations you allow yourself to get into. Look at the folks spending time down town or at the local mall. Some of them have no idea that they are vulnerable, lost in their cell phones, etc. Some walk with uncertainty, timid, slumped shoulders, staying along the walls. Some walk with heads held high, shoulders back, not cocky or aggressive, just exuding confidence. Which of these folks are at risk? My high level black belt experience probably would have helped in a tough neighborhoods late at night but my situational awareness kept me out of those neighborhoods in the first place. These are the exact same things that allow Anne and her girl friend travel all around this country without incidence, even as the 68 year old lady that I present myself to be. Walk with confidence, enjoy being who you are and walk smart, choosing the environments and risks that you want to experience. And enjoy the ride. Good luck, Anne

Apologies - trigger warning!

I discovered my degree of trans* thanks to a real situation where I did have to protect my home and my family. Yes I fought. Yes, I managed to get most of our possessions back, and yes, I completely freaked out.... for months!

I hadn't expected that, at all.

It made some things concrete. When presented with a 'male' persona, or physique, my immediate response is "I am not one of those!"...

If I am not a male, then what am I? Why do I feel nauseous when told to 'man up', 'be the man', or congratulated on a male bod. Why does it just feel wrong on a fundamental level?

And so began my journey.

The key lesson though in a physical situation is, it is better for everyone involved to be prepared, so have some kind of skills and situational awareness, and you never can tell quite how you would respond.

Sno

I'm a 22 year old AMAB also trying to figure out whether or not I'm trans.  I'm pretty sure I've settled on at the least being non-binary.  I know I'm not "late in life" (at least, I hope so), but neither are you, at 28.

Regarding your question, I've a bit of a dichotomy.  Generally, I'm quite non-confrontational and not very assertive.  But if I feel like I've been slighted or threatened, and my adrenaline gets flowing, I can quickly become much more aggressive than my slight build (5'6" and 130 lbs.) would warrant.  Even when playing [ice] hockey (before my 6 inch, 30 lb. growth spurt after 9th grade), where I weighed probably 2/3 of the average, and less than half of the bigger players (one of my teammates was even about thrice my weight), I loved body-checking (sort of hockey's analog to tackling in football).  Although this probably gave me a concussion or two, which I still regret to this day. :/

Also, are you saying that guys frequently pick fights with you in public?  Or is this just a hypothetical situation that you keep replaying in your mind?