I transitioned on the job under our old HR person, who has just retired. She was departmental HR; the university proper has its own HR office.

So now we have a new departmental HR person who will help me with raise applications, general HR paperwork, and any leaves of absence I need (including time off for bottom surgery). The problem is that I don't know whether she "knows" about me. I really hate coming out to people and would rather not do it if I can help it. But I'm wondering if I should just come right out with my status. I wouldn't have to fret about it anymore.

On the one hand, I have no idea what information is in my personnel file, at least the one she has access to. Are my old documents in there, the ones that say "F," and is my coming-out letter in there? On the other hand, I don't have to tell her the nature of the surgeries, but it would be nice if I didn't have to "talk around it" and stay vague about things. In addition, I might have my surgeries during the summer months (instead of during the academic year) when I don't need to follow university protocol for leaves of absence. I won't know whether summer is better until I've talked to HR and gathered information and looked at both possibilities.

Everyone else in the departmental administration knows about me except maybe one person who was hired about a year or two ago. So whaddaya think--rip the bandage off all at once or feel things out and play it safe for a while? I'm completely on the fence this time.

I'd tend to play it safe for a while and not say anything. I was a little surprised to see my 'male' status on my medical records but it was buried in the old section and no one ever looked, it was just old bureaucracy that seems to follow us for ever (as usual) unless they are being nosey they should never bring it up. If the do and it isn't relevant then it is an invasion of privacy and you can act against them if need be.

Agree with Cindy. I'd play it safe and just speak vaguely for a bit. Most people don't want medical details anyway. When I talk to folks at work about my upcoming time off, I just say I'm having a fairly extensive surgery and I'll be out of the office for at least a month. No one who doesn't know that I'm trans has asked me what I'm having done.

If old documents are in your file, she could maybe put two and two together. But honestly, I wouldn't worry about it if she does. I'd be surprised if she said anything to you about it.

Considering how touchy I am about my trans status, I expected to play it safe just out of sheer habit, but habit is not always the best way to go. However, I can't think of any compelling reason to be explicit this early in the game. If you folks can't, either, then maybe I haven't missed anything.

I would certainly be surprised if she asked me, but at some point, I might find that explicit is easier. Boy, I hate having that hanging over my head.