My girlfriend is just under 4 months post op.  And she frequently expresses concerns and struggles with fears that she has.  And since im a regular guy, and having no way to know what she is going through i don't know where to turn.  I love her very much and there is nothing i wouldn't do for her. SO i am turning to those with more experience than i for help. 

Question 1: what can i do on my end to help her with her fear of not being able to achieve orgasm? is there resources to which i can turn to help her achieve that goal? as discouragement seems to be a rather large obstacle.

Question 2: As i am unfamiliar and unversed in the terminology and culture that is the Trans community. I want to make her feel special and validated as the strong and gorgeous woman that she is.  I bring flowers, and do everything in my power to anticipate her needs/desires day and night, though I want to know if there is anything special I can do to help her realize those other wishes that she may have that stem from the realm of ->-bleeped-<-. (your thoughts and ideas as to how you would wish to be treated, Think romantic ideas as more of a simplified question)

Lets try those two questions and see where i end up. Thank you so much for the valuable input. I am so grateful for this wonderful community in assisting me make my girl as happy as she deserves to be.

Welcome to Susan's Place. At 15 quality post you will be able to see the sexual area of the site but for now the surgical section is visible and some members are posting the fact they have had an orgasm. She will function like another CIS woman and will need the proper foreplay before the act and a number of members have suggested vibrators in order to aid in the exploration process. If she was sexual before surgery, the odds are pretty good that she will be able to have an orgasm after surgery. Should there be a problem, I would suggest she have her testosterone levels checked as extremely low levels could result in problems.

As for your second question, I would suggest spending time with her, talking about things she is interested in and cuddling when ever possible. The time you spend with her will be more valuable than the money you spend.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

I wanted to show my appreciation to you for reaching out to educate yourself. I think Dena has answered your questions really well.

Welcome to the site.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

With warmth,

Joanna

Ok I am in a relationship with a guy like you and I am almost 6 months post op so similar timing also. Orgasm already happened for me and it's not hard to achieve, she has to be relaxed tho! And worrying about it is just gonna have the opposite effect of what she wants. If it is any help (sorry for the visual and I hope this is not against forum rules) I am more likely to orgasm during sex when the foreplay includes my man fingering my vagina if just for a minute prior to penetration. Romance (at least in my case) also makes things that much better and more likely to orgasm than just going at it like the earth is ending in 5 mins.


2. Romance is romance. Flowers yes. Dinner dates yes open doors for her. Yes. Of course there is a certain degree of extra validation that we appreciate, knowing I am appreciated as the woman that I am is comforting, and just like every other female who probably enjoys traditional gender roles like I do, I like to feel protected and appreciated by my man. theres nothing sexier to any female than feeling loved and protected. If you can make the extra effort to communicate, watch a movie I like with me and not just men's movies and do things like a walk in the park if just once in a while it's stuff that just really really builds memories. I am a little bit of a hopeless romantic. But is is OK to also be yourself, I understand my man needs time alone, he doesn't like a fuzz when he is concentrating, he also gets testy and annoyed if he has a cold or problems at work. I offer my help and a listening ear but I don't push it. You guys deal with things differently and it's a matter of understanding those needs are different and going the extra mile without forgetting your own needs.

Realistically if she is anything like me, then all she needs is what every traditional female needs, with a little added extra attention paid to re validating that femininity and by de facto your own masculinity . Be a gentleman and make her feel like a lady and also be the strong protection she probably needs. You have the right idea already judging by your post Hun. You're a good man and any female should feel flattered to be with someone so attentive. I have been with my man 6 years and to this day he will do small things that keep me feeling appreciated.its all in those details along with the big stuff that doesn't need mentioning!

Quote from: calicarly on August 23, 2016, 06:16:35 AM
Ok I am in a relationship with a guy like you and I am almost 6 months post op so similar timing also. Orgasm already happened for me and it's not hard to achieve, she has to be relaxed tho! And worrying about it is just gonna have the opposite effect of what she wants. If it is any help (sorry for the visual and I hope this is not against forum rules) I am more likely to orgasm during sex when the foreplay includes my man fingering my vagina if just for a minute prior to penetration. Romance (at least in my case) also makes things that much better and more likely to orgasm than just going at it like the earth is ending in 5 mins.


2. Romance is romance. Flowers yes. Dinner dates yes open doors for her. Yes. Of course there is a certain degree of extra validation that we appreciate, knowing I am appreciated as the woman that I am is comforting, and just like every other female who probably enjoys traditional gender roles like I do, I like to feel protected and appreciated by my man. theres nothing sexier to any female than feeling loved and protected. If you can make the extra effort to communicate, watch a movie I like with me and not just men's movies and do things like a walk in the park if just once in a while it's stuff that just really really builds memories. I am a little bit of a hopeless romantic. But is is OK to also be yourself, I understand my man needs time alone, he doesn't like a fuzz when he is concentrating, he also gets testy and annoyed if he has a cold or problems at work. I offer my help and a listening ear but I don't push it. You guys deal with things differently and it's a matter of understanding those needs are different and going the extra mile without forgetting your own needs.

Realistically if she is anything like me, then all she needs is what every traditional female needs, with a little added extra attention paid to re validating that femininity and by de facto your own masculinity . Be a gentleman and make her feel like a lady and also be the strong protection she probably needs. You have the right idea already judging by your post Hun. You're a good man and any female should feel flattered to be with someone so attentive. I have been with my man 6 years and to this day he will do small things that keep me feeling appreciated.its all in those details along with the big stuff that doesn't need mentioning!

Very well said Calicarly, I've been with my man 8 years this year, we've been married 6 years this August, started off 2 years my boyfriend and now 6 years my husband, similarly here he is fully aware of my history, but never mentions it, he is very patient, caring, protective and attentive towards me, treats me like a lady and just being a gentleman, it's always the small things that matter, holding doors open for me and being understanding if I'm not in the mood for sex he'll just cuddle, kiss and hug me, appreciating me as a woman and making me feel ultra feminine, my hubby and you saucydarlmatter are very similar, both good men who know how to treat a woman, and yes, flowers do work.

In contrast to the other responses, I might suggest that she doesn't necessarily want to be your princess. And maybe she does — you know her, we all don't, and as it turns out some women are looking for certain things in their partners, others want something else. You should treat your girlfriend like the unique person she is. In that sense I agree with the other people who responded — they gave general advice on how to treat a woman you are dating, and all I'm saying is that it's maybe not universal.

What's likely relevant to her being trans is the insecurities and psychological trauma that comes along with the experience for many people. That comes up both in intimate/sexual situations and in life in general. You talk about her expressing concerns and struggles and fears, and yeah, that's the insecurity. You don't have to understand — she might do better to find a support group, where she could find people who do understand. What you can do instead is admit that you don't understand, and assure her that you will be there for her regardless. Knowing the "right" (for the time being) terminology is nice, but what matters more is feeling safe with you: That you won't misgender her, or treat her like a second-class person, that you aren't just settling for her, that you love her, etc.

When it comes to sex, well, lots of women have trouble having an orgasm, though perhaps most cis women like that don't feel as much that it threatens their sense of womanhood. You should get her a Magic Wand or similar if she doesn't already have one. You might enjoy it yourself, by the way. Other than that, again, generic advice applies: Communicate, be open, relax, don't focus too much on orgasms, etc. Again the only issue specific to her being trans is that she's likely to feel more insecure, which just means all that generic advice is more important.

What a great post! Thanks for being so kind to take the initiative to show this much care and appreciation for her. I mean first thing's first, you're already doing the right thing by reaching out to many people in similar positions of her own to help learn--and understand her more. This is already a key factor of any kind of relationship, but when the circumstances are more uncommon and you are in need, you came to the right place!

Any transgender individual just wants to be treated like anyone else. So the best way to continue a prosperous relationship with her is to treat her the same way you would any girl. With kindness, gentleness, and respect, and she'll love you right back.

A lot of us experience anxiety. And that's due to the unfamiliar positions were are placed in while transitioning having to learn-and unlearn everything. This happens more commonly as you have passed through the adolescent years as they call transition a second puberty, but for a lot of us, fitting in and not being seen in the spotlight, but rather flying under the radar is important. When we feel we are doing anything else it's at our moments of vulnerability which can often lead to anxiety, depression, stress, or trauma. That may be some of what you are seeing her experience. The best thing to do for her in these situations is comfort her and let her know that you're there for her. Empathy goes a long way in these tragic times, even when the outcome is great.

As far as achieving an orgasm, experiment with what she is comfortable with! It takes time to climax and although some claim they never can, you do eventually get there, but it takes time. Go gentle and become more experienced later!

It's great to see posts like this and wish there were more guys out there like you! Here's to a healthy and happy relationship together.

This post is honestly so sweet. I hope one day to find a man who treasures me like you treasure your GF. I agree with the advice above, that if you treat her nice, are gentle with her, she will likely appreciate a lot. I agree you don't have to treat her stereotypically like "any other girl", treat her as the person she is above all. As for orgasm, bedore intercourse, ease her into it with foreplay. One question, how old is she? it could due to aging but that depends on her age. If she is young, maybe her libido is too low and could be resolved. My best wishes for you and your GF!

Any girl would be lucky to have a bf like you. To answer your question, in my experience most of my orgasmic experience is from receiving cinnilingus/ oral sex from my boyfriend. Just treat her lovingly and just be there for her.

You are not responsible for your girlfriend's orgasms, at least not entirely. Has she mentioned whether or not she has had orgasms when she is not having relations with you? When people grow up, they find out on their own what works and doesn't. Has she done that, or is that a secret?

There's an old song with the refrain "you gotta treat her like a lady." You bring her flowers. What's not to like!

Firstly, let me say how wonderful it is to have a kind caring man ask a kind caring question, I wish more men were like you and took the time to understand our feelings.

I think all has been said very well by the replies on here, all I would summerize is that she will have these feelings, its natural, even for cis women, but be patient, treat her as you would any woman and she will lose those fears.

KT xx