Tonight I went to walgreens to pick up an Ultimate fighting video. My friend and I had discussed it tonight. I figure I'd pick it up. When I walked in, I saw two guys. One guy wearing a sleeveless tankie, loose diesel pants, and white shoes. He had a mohawk and a beard.

His friend was in there. A beautiful short guy, a hunk of a man. He had on those white shoes and white belt. He was looking for a 24 pharmacy. I gave him directions to it, then I walked back to him and said, "I know you, you hang out at Badlands". He was like, "Who are you?" and I was like, "remember Lil' *****?" then I showed him my old pic and said, "We have mutual friends! You changed!"

A few days ago, I was at my job. This customer whom I hadn't seen since 2008 came up to me and started going, "Damn, you're hella hot" and "you're so damn cute". I knew who he was and I said, "Hey, you know my brother don't cha?" and he was like, "You mean *****, whatever happened to him I hadn't seen him in 3 years". I then told him, "He married a boy and moved to south beach miami. He bulked up and is doing some performing at a club down there". Then the usual small talk about how my "brother" was so flamboyant. Of course, had I not transitioned I would have married my ex, Ray and moved to Miami like we had planned.

Truth is, if people hadn't seen me in years...I am another person to them. I always have my old pics to reacqaint people with this new stranger.

Can anyone else share similar experiences? Do you feel like you're in a whole new world?

I've actually yet to have this happen. It kind of scares me, tbh.

Quote from: Mahsa the shark on September 18, 2011, 04:41:44 AM
Truth is, if people hadn't seen me in years...I am another person to them.

Can anyone else share similar experiences? Do you feel like you're in a whole new world?

A girl who was a roommate of mine (not a GF just a roommate) years ago came by the house. I haven't seen her in several years but were were real good friends, went clubbing a lot back then etc. Anyway she rang the doorbell, when I answered she said "Yes ma'am,  ______ used to live here and I just wanted to say hi, does he still live here or do you know where he moved to?" I stood there a few moments smiling and she had NO clue I was "him". I said "You don't have a clue who I am do you?" She looked at me strange but obviously still had no idea. So I pulled out my old voice, "It's me". She looked like someone had hit her on the head with a brick.

But yes I am living in a whole new world and am GLAD I am. I honestly doubt I would ever pull out old pictures or tell people who I was unless they were very close friends I wanted to reconnect with. That person is dead to me )

Quote from: Stephe on September 19, 2011, 12:08:24 AM
A girl who was a roommate of mine (not a GF just a roommate) years ago came by the house. I haven't seen her in several years but were were real good friends, went clubbing a lot back then etc. Anyway she rang the doorbell, when I answered she said "Yes ma'am,  ______ used to live here and I just wanted to say hi, does he still live here or do you know where he moved to?" I stood there a few moments smiling and she had NO clue I was "him". I said "You don't have a clue who I am do you?" She looked at me strange but obviously still had no idea. So I pulled out my old voice, "It's me". She looked like someone had hit her on the head with a brick.

But yes I am living in a whole new world and am GLAD I am. I honestly doubt I would ever pull out old pictures or tell people who I was unless they were very close friends I wanted to reconnect with. That person is dead to me )


Well here's my old pic, hard to believe he was me:


I love showing them... since I changed a bit

Hello there,

I know this topic is very old, but I am not expecting you all to answer to my reply.
If you are there, btw, how are you doing? I hope great

I am from Italy. In this moment for me everything is strange: everything.
Even writing in English is strange to me in this moment (I studied English - and was quite good at it - during my high school).
I am writing, then stopping and asking to myself: am I really meaning what I am writing? What am I doing?

I discovered to be a transgender girl two years ago, but still I am trying to figure out if I am what I say to be or not.
I never felt to be a woman before: in 2014 it was the first time ever I looked into the mirror and saw a girl.
It is so strange, so "game-changing", blowing up mine and who's next to me minds.
I was doing a PhD abroad, in Europe, but was very confused about what I wanted from life: PhD was, partially, a kind of escape from work, responsibilities, a flat life and girls, I think.
I was 28.
Today I am 34, and totally messed up.

Yes, I think I can totally relate to the "stranger" feeling. I feel a stranger to my parents (that know about me), I feel a stranger to my sister (and it was a real nightmare, I had fear of causing strong reactions - now things are slightly better).
I still cannot speak with friends... I don't know if I can call them friends, still...
Maybe I am just over-reacting, but I know I am right, in some sense.
What I would like to do is to live, as me, without the interference of the "ego" I created in the last 30 years. But this feels a big "discontinuity" to me. Maybe is only fear of being abandoned, fear of the reaction of relatives and people.
Maybe this is the same fear that kept everything down for 30 years.
I don't know, I really don't know. I am so puzzled about this that I pray every night for some calm to come into my mid.

Maybe it is like my therapist said to me, some time ago, when I said to feel "false": instead of "true or false" (so, I am this and not that), maybe I should say "authentic" or "sincere", or "genuine".
Being "true" or "false" is incorrect, as it should refer to a truth, which is yourself: if you don't know the truth (as you don't know yourself), you cannot say that you are "true" or "false".
On the other side, if I say that I was "sincere" or "genuine", I am relating to what I feel, now or in a past moment.
In this key, maybe we are not strangers. We were just not genuine.

...yah... I think my therapist is a son of a b****!
Probably we are seeing the thing under a point of view that, besides maybe wrong, it takes us to where our fears want to bring us: "I am not what you saw. I am not the bad you saw. I am different, and you now must love me for what I say to you I am".
Of course, this is just a guess. And of course, I am writing this for myself, first.

Well, if you are still out there, please let me know what do you think.
Meanwhile, it was really good to find your posts, and giving me the possibility to express my feelings and thoughts.

Huge kisses,
Iv.

I think being trans is really scary if you focus on these aspects of identity. Because our culture tells us this is what you are, and if you change it, you're spinning in space with no anchors or boundaries. And that is very uncomfortable.

I focus on my body, listening to my body, and the process, trusting the process and seeing it through. I have faith that I will find my voice in this new body. After all, I eked out an existence in the old one even though it was a bad fit. Generally as changes come I feel better and better and it gives me the confidence to continue and keep pushing through.

I am transitioning in place so I have the problem that some people will always see the old me when they look at me. It's comforting in a way. I do want strangers to see me as male and it distresses me when they continue not to.

Hello AnxietyDisord3r,

your reply really did help.
You may be very right about the "identity" point-of-view. To me, I think I understood this point, but my emotional part keeps saying "I am not that anymore". I am trying to open to the idea that "I am the same, just with the freedom or being more sincere", and this also passes through my gender.
Easy to understand, hard to apply and "feel".

Also, in the last period, I want to run away, to abandon who I know, as I don't know if I ever was "myself" with them, and I don't want them to judge me. I don't even know if my parents have the right to tell me what to do. This may be a over-defence, given by the fact that I am still weak, scared, and tired.
Did happen to anyone that "discovered" to be of the opposite gender late in his/her life, to not wanting "others" to infere in their own life?

Maybe it is the fact that I am struggling with work and self-realisation: I studied Informatics, like a defence ("I am the computer guy, give me respect"), but I started to feel that computers were not an ending point in my life, i.e., maybe I wish to do something different. The fact is that I ended in doing a Ph.D. in Informatics... in the middle of that I "discovered" to be a girl. Maybe, I "discovered" that I could feel what I always felt, without fear. Now I don't want to be in the cages were I put myself during all these years, due to the fears I had towards the world. I don't want to do what they say me, and I feel this is oppressing me so much.

Hugs and kisses,
Iv.

I relate to what you're saying about fears. I got taught at a young age that I couldn't call myself a boy. So there are a lot of issues of fear, shame, and self-worth tied up with identifying as male or female. The important thing is that it doesn't change who I am. I can take my time and get used to the identity thing at my own pace.

I don't know what your relationship is with your parents, but one thing to keep in mind is that they tried to teach you and guide you but they can't live your life for you. They will never completely understand what it is to be you. They were also your age once and had to forge their own life path and you now must do the same.