Hello everyone,

in this journey started since some time already, I still have plenty of doubts crowding my mind.
One of these is how I discovered to be transgender.
The doubt is on the fact to having or not "discovered" to be a girl, and I would like to know if someone has lived what I lived.

I am 34. Since I was a child I know I felt natural to be with girls, even if they always watched at me as a "stranger". Conversely, I felt the other boys "strangers".
I lived, or to say it better, "struggled to live" as a boy until 2013, when I was 31. Then I started to open to the idea of being gay.
In 2014 I opened more and more my hearth, read that few people that discover to be gay, discover also to be transgender. And, one day back in 2014, I asked to myself: am I a girl?
Then I went to the bathroom, and I saw for the first time my eyes as a girl's eyes... I saw my mother's eyes...

Since then I read a lot of stories, but no one is similar to mine.
Any one "discovered to be a girl" in her 30s? Or sooner/later?

I still cannot understand if I really "discovered to be a girl" back in 2014, or if I was a girl all this time, and I just buried this in the deepest parts of my self...

Thanks everyone for your time, support, effort and love.
Hugs,
Iv.

Iv

I have had signs and impulses that point to being trans since I was at least 8(maybe earlier). I just thought it was a weird thing about me and tried to live a normal life. I have been depressed most of my life but did not really realize it. It was only last year(after I turned 50), when I was on the border of self harm that I came to the conclusion of being trans. I believe I buried the idea years ago. I kept trying to cure myself of my impulses and got married, had kids. I still did not have the words for it.

I have large gaps in my memory. I believe that is my brain blocking some of that out. Can't be certain.

Don't know if that helps at all...

With warmth,

Joanna

Hi Joana,

this helps a lot, really it does.
Thanks a lot!
I would like to help as well. I am here, for anything.

Hugs,
Iv.

This seems like a very typical story to an extent. I'm currently 33. I struggled with depression and anger my whole life and fought the idea of transition for so long and hard I developed a very male persona until I was in my 30's and couldn't live anymore I was about to end it or transition basically. I came out at 31 it's been a struggle lost my wife but in the end it has been very worth it. Like everyone says the starting point is a good dr that can help you navigate these feelings


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Hi Manilla,
I fought with myself (male vrs female) since I was 5 years old. I only figured myself out to be truly trans at age 57. Everyone has a different pattern or timeline for figuring things out. I have heard over and over on this site, people worry that if they haven't figured themselves out by 20, 30, 40, 50 years of age. People find themselves at all ages.
Moni

Hi MsZoey and HappyMoni,

Thanks for your replies.
The fact of "not having the words" to describe what is one's experience is mind-blowing.
Yes, now I feel more secure about myself. I was weird since I was child, and somehow started to hide something when in high school, and then...continued...
The environment does a lot of difference.

Well, together we stand!
Hugs to everyone,
Iv.

Inviato dal mio KIW-L21 utilizzando Tapatalk

I was 34 when I blew the door off the.closet and that was 17yrs ago. I stay to crossdressing because it's easier for my wife to accept.

Quote from: manila on August 22, 2016, 02:01:42 PM
Hello everyone,

in this journey started since some time already, I still have plenty of doubts crowding my mind.
One of these is how I discovered to be transgender.
The doubt is on the fact to having or not "discovered" to be a girl, and I would like to know if someone has lived what I lived.

I am 34. Since I was a child I know I felt natural to be with girls, even if they always watched at me as a "stranger". Conversely, I felt the other boys "strangers".
I lived, or to say it better, "struggled to live" as a boy until 2013, when I was 31. Then I started to open to the idea of being gay.u
In 2014 I opened more and more my hearth, read that few people that discover to be gay, discover also to be transgender. And, one day back in 2014, I asked to myself: am I a girl?
Then I went to the bathroom, and I saw for the first time my eyes as a girl's eyes... I saw my mother's eyes...

Since then I read a lot of stories, but no one is similar to mine.
Any one "discovered to be a girl" in her 30s? Or sooner/later?

I still cannot understand if I really "discovered to be a girl" back in 2014, or if I was a girl all this time, and I just buried this in the deepest parts of my self...

Thanks everyone for your time, support, effort and love.
Hugs,
Iv.

I knew it in Kindergarten and tried to repress it until 5 months ago. I will be 65 in a few weeks. It has been the most free feeling I have had in my life. All the stress vanished. All the lies vanished. All the guilt vanished. My mind is as clear as it has ever been. I am not moapy. I have energy I did not have But then I have a great family to back me up.Your revelation is proof we do not chose it for ourselves. It chooses us and we can't wish it away.

I knew it at age 6 and have fought the transbeast for the past 60 years. Finally two and one half years ago, I said no more. This is who I am, I cannot change who I am and I intend to live my life going forward as the person I have longed to be all of my life. The change has been incredible, I no longer have the guilt, that has associated itself with me for my adult life. I am waiting for the call from my doctor for the endo appointment after getting the blood work and therapy sessions behind me. It is the next step for me in being able to better fit my body to what my brain has been telling me all of my life, and that is I am a woman, embrace it!, and live it!

It started for me when I was 3 and was pulling my sister's dresses
out of  the laundry and putting them on  and then be scolded by
my mother.

Quote from: manila on August 22, 2016, 02:01:42 PM
Hello everyone,

in this journey started since some time already, I still have plenty of doubts crowding my mind.
One of these is how I discovered to be transgender.
The doubt is on the fact to having or not "discovered" to be a girl, and I would like to know if someone has lived what I lived.

I am 34. Since I was a child I know I felt natural to be with girls, even if they always watched at me as a "stranger". Conversely, I felt the other boys "strangers".
I lived, or to say it better, "struggled to live" as a boy until 2013, when I was 31. Then I started to open to the idea of being gay.
In 2014 I opened more and more my hearth, read that few people that discover to be gay, discover also to be transgender. And, one day back in 2014, I asked to myself: am I a girl?
Then I went to the bathroom, and I saw for the first time my eyes as a girl's eyes... I saw my mother's eyes...

Since then I read a lot of stories, but no one is similar to mine.
Any one "discovered to be a girl" in her 30s? Or sooner/later?

I still cannot understand if I really "discovered to be a girl" back in 2014, or if I was a girl all this time, and I just buried this in the deepest parts of my self...

Thanks everyone for your time, support, effort and love.
Hugs,
Iv.

Close to 30 and recently rediscovered the feelings and this time the situation is where i know this is the right thing. I knew it ever since i was a kid but never had the courage or information to act on it. but so much just clicked into place when i finally realised it

Hello everyone,

I would like to thank you all for your replies, they are really something precious.
This week I discovered a person that lived some years ago, Jacques Lacan, and learned one of his theories, which says that when a human being is born, the very first trauma "zee" faces is the "language": we are born in a world in which the words are so important that they make up our world. They are a cage, and something that helps us.
I am saying this because, in this case, your words helped me, as they gave significance and value to what I feel.
Maybe it would have been the same, without words, if I had the opportunity of looking you in the eyes, just feeling you.
Yes, words can help.

So, in the end... I am still wondering if my "I discovered to be a girl" is legitimate... I think I really did not understood to be a girl. But maybe I am not a girl, I am a transgender girl, or a male-bodied girl, or a girl with a penis and no breasts and vagina. In this case, the words try to adapt to the reality. I feel like girls, dot.

But, so... did I discover to be a girl just few years ago?
Another thing is... I am understanding (thanks to my therapist) that I was very sensitive to the judgement of others, and tried desperately to fit. And also I saw no other person asking zee-self "am I a boy or a girl?" (I think...).
I think that the picture is complex, and is made of fear, inexperience, tries and success/insuccess, maturation... and our inner self, how we are made.

Maybe, if we had (and have) the chance in our childhood, if we had (and have) that moment in which we feel protected, and we can do anything we want, we can sincerely feel ourselves, maybe we could have said "hey, I feel like mommy/daddy/both/anyone of them" (the last one is the famous "unicorn").

I thank everything and everyone for the way it went, and the way it is going. I am at home, with my family, in denial, but I feel more and more in equilibrium, linear, comfortable (no, I have not transitioned), with self-esteem, and loving more and more myself and the others.

Thanks everyone, I wish you all the best,
Iv