Sorry in advance if this comes off as a rant.

So. I am an admin of an online depression chatroom. I've been in this room and similar ones for years. I am not "out" to anyone as transgender (minus a select few) — I am simply me, Kyler. Just another guy in the room. No one knows that I was ever born any other way, which has been extremely comforting for me.

Well. It was. That's changed now because one of the guys in the room (who is also trans) was being an ->-bleeped-<- and decided to tell everyone. (Tbf, he apologized later and claimed that he thought people knew.) And now, everyone knows.

I'm not worried that they'll treat me differently. There are a few other trans people in the room, who are all lovely and treated respectfully. It's a rule of our room, and besides, I don't think they would treat an admin that way anyways.

But the point is that being transgender and dysphoria is one of the main reasons that I've suffered depression, severe anxiety issues, suicidal tendencies, self harm, etc., and that was the one place that no one knew and I didn't have to think about it. And now it's gone and no apology is going to bring it back to me.

And to make matters worse, I went to my boyfriend for comfort, but he honestly did not see the big deal. He thought I was overreacting. And then, he told me, "Tbh, if anyone has seen you, you can bet they'll likely assume that you're transgender." And that crushed me and everything that I was working towards is crashing down, and I don't know what to do.

I've been clean from self harm for over two months (a big feat for me, who used to harm every day) but the urges are stronger than ever. I just don't see the point if it's always going to be this way.

Thanks for reading all of this if you did. I just needed to get this out.

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So sorry this happened to you. I know what it is like! I had a disgruntled ex-member try to out me for years including by posting on the local newspaper's website. The only thing you can do is keep going on. When something like this happens that is the only option. Just try to turn the negative to a positive!

That is so not cool.

That is one of the unspoken, cardinal rules.

I am so sorry you experienced that. Apologies are important but sometimes don't cut it for a bit of time.

It sounds like you and your partner may need to chat. It sounds like they don't realize how hurtful that is to you. I know what you are saying about wondering if it will always be like this. But don't let the careless remark and it's additional hurt be added on through your own actions.

I'm not you. It is easy for me to say this. However I can feel some of what you are saying. Please distract yourself for a few days and let time numb some of it(if possible).

I hope you can work this out.

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: Susan on August 23, 2016, 01:41:31 PM
So sorry this happened to you. I know what it is like! I had a disgruntled ex-member try to out me for years including by posting on the local newspaper's website. The only thing you can do is keep going on. When something like this happens that is the only option. Just try to turn the negative to a positive!

Wow! People never cease to amaze me with the extremes they will go to in order to hurt someone else. And you are right; all that I can do is to keep moving forward in my transition and life. There's nothing that can be done about this now. I am me. Thank you for responding, and I hope that you have a great day.


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Quote from: Joanna50 on August 23, 2016, 01:44:12 PM
That is so not cool.

That is one of the unspoken, cardinal rules.

I am so sorry you experienced that. Apologies are important but sometimes don't cut it for a bit of time.

It sounds like you and your partner may need to chat. It sounds like they don't realize how hurtful that is to you. I know what you are saying about wondering if it will always be like this. But don't let the careless remark and it's additional hurt be added on through your own actions.

I'm not you. It is easy for me to say this. However I can feel some of what you are saying. Please distract yourself for a few days and let time numb some of it(if possible).

I hope you can work this out.

With warmth,

Joanna

As for the remark by my partner, he could tell immediately how much that hurt and he went on to say now that he meant that I have a very androgynous look about me (which is what I usually aim for as I'm not completely out in person and not on T as of yet), and he thinks that sometimes when people see that, they will think that you are somewhere under the transgender umbrella. I have to disagree with that though — Usually, when I look androgynous, and I tell people that I am male, from then on, they only see me as male. Maybe it's my own insecurities or anxieties, but it seems like if I look androgynous and say that I'm trans, people subconsciously pick my photos and appearance apart, looking for traces of my birth sex, which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I told him this, and he understood and apologized.

Still, I think I am in a better headspace now than I was at the moment. Thanks for responding and have a great day.


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Still, it was a bad experience. I hope you continue to even out.

Take care,

With warmth,

Joanna

Sorry that happened to you. Your TG friend or ex-friend should know better.

Your partner, I do not think meant anything from the comment.

Quote from: sleepy_insomniac on August 23, 2016, 11:35:35 AM
....the point is that being transgender and dysphoria is one of the main reasons that I've suffered depression, severe anxiety issues, suicidal tendencies, self harm, etc., and that was the one place that no one knew and I didn't have to think about it...

[manly pat on the back] it's a moment of complete dread, and it does happen. It doesn't invalidate how much of a man you are, but that comfort of not explaining, and not having a barrage of questions would have made it a sanctuary for you.

Hopefully, over time we can give that comfort, and sense of sanctuary, and that will help you continue the great work you are doing there, and at home, looking after yourself.

Sno.

Quote from: Sno on August 24, 2016, 06:16:19 PM
[manly pat on the back] it's a moment of complete dread, and it does happen. It doesn't invalidate how much of a man you are, but that comfort of not explaining, and not having a barrage of questions would have made it a sanctuary for you.

Hopefully, over time we can give that comfort, and sense of sanctuary, and that will help you continue the great work you are doing there, and at home, looking after yourself.

Sno.

Exactly this.


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Quote from: Rachel Lynn on August 24, 2016, 04:54:44 PM
Sorry that happened to you. Your TG friend or ex-friend should know better.

Your partner, I do not think meant anything from the comment.

He didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but it just made me extremely dysphoric.


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