Has anyone ever heard this invalidation before? I heard this said about me yesterday.

The "theory" is because my mother starved me of love/emotional attention, that it leaves a void I'm compelled to try and fill, by finding the "perfect woman", that only I can create. One that will never abandon me.

I just went along with it and felt like life was pointless during the conversation. That I have no future worth living. It hurt so much because it's all built on a truth, that I feel betrayed by my mother. Though I'm sure if I was very close to my mother, the theory would be that I over-identify with her and want to become her. 

However people want to explain it, when I look in the mirror and see a stern, male face, or if I don't and imagine how manly and hard I must look as I'm called sir, man etc, I conform to  stereotype because that's all I know, I become hard and rough in my behaviour, the whole "If you see a man, I'll give you a man". So I behave like I'm being annoyed all the time.

It is pretty well established that being transgender is something you are born with.  Nothing your parents did or didn't do will change that.

There are lots of BS "theories" out there.  It is perfectly fine to call people on them if you are up for that discussion, or to ignore them if you are not.

I've never heard of that before. It's easy to make up stuff like that--and I think they've tried a number of times with other issues (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refrigerator_mother_theory). But the evidence is pretty compelling that if you have gender dysphoria, transition will help you.

My experience would be that I feel like emulating female behavior in a way that I don't feel like emulating male behavior. I hear Andrea Boccelli sing, I enjoy the song. I hear Sarah Brightman sing, I feel like singing. I can appreciate the aesthetics of stylish male clothing, like a Devore suit, but I never feel like wearing one. But women's fashion, I see it and I want to wear it. It's just a part of my brain that identifies as female, always has, and at this point, I'm sure always will.

Yuck.  Sounds like someone who paid attention in a "History of Psychology Before 1940" class.  I REALLY hope this wasn't someone licensed to practice.  That's someone with whom to avoid discussions on the topic in the future.

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However people want to explain it, when I look in the mirror and see a stern, male face, or if I don't and imagine how manly and hard I must look as I'm called sir, man etc, I conform to  stereotype because that's all I know, I become hard and rough in my behaviour, the whole "If you see a man, I'll give you a man". So I behave like I'm being annoyed all the time.

Oh, does this ever sound familiar.  Back when I worked, 'cranky' would be a good starting description for my office personality.  I was unpleasant, to the point of driving people away from me, or being very off putting.  A real analyst fingered this pretty well.  I was running a male persona to hide behind, and as part of avoiding discovery of ME hiding in there, I pushed others away with a gruff appearance.

It was a defensive mechanism, one of many I used to avoid being 'found out' as not a real male, but something else trying to pass as one.

Unfortunately, this whole 'hiding behind the male persona' thing, along with fear of discovery and loss of connections I had made based on the lie, pretty much put me in a permanent state of shame.  That's corrosive.

I corroded all the way through 6 months ago, and got help, initially from a last ditch hotline call, then from therapy, and found how to dismantle the male persona and just be myself.  I'm getting better.

Aside from the fact that virtually no credible psychologist on the matter would say that, I can say first hand that having serious parental issues like that results in an entirely different set of disorders where, rather than becoming the perfect mother (which makes no sense) you look for replacements for the one you lack.  For example, I have a tendency to latch onto Father Figures.  I also like to use fantasy, music, and used to use drugs as a means of distraction.

What I can't see is someone wanting to go through the trouble of Transitioning simply because they're upset over their mother.

Perhaps it is time to explore a different hypothesis. It is possible that the reason many get no love from parents, is due to cross-sex behavior.

With some parents, love is unconditional. Some think that if you are born one way, you are obligated to fit the stereotype. The latter is extremely difficult for many children with gender dysphoria, and they may get shunned by their parents for exhibiting such behavior.