When i started HRT i was warned that i might be having all kinds of mood swings. Surprisingly i didn't have any within six month's time after i began...

But I'm really depressed. I'm crying frequently. I'm having sharp stomach cramps which i had been told could be linked to my depression and i think about hurting myself (not suicide, just self-harm), leaving a bloody mess behind but that makes me cry even more.

I think I'm bipolar and that if I do i inherited it from my late father, who committed suicide when i was 7. I mean, i was fine and in an ok mood just hours before I posted this message but as I wrote this was crying my eyes out.

And before people start telling me to seek professional help, I go to therapy on Fridays, which is a waste of my time and hers because it's of no help to me at all. I've gone to my cis female friend about this enough times that i don't want to come off as needy and then have her ghost me so i feel as though there's this scarcity of help with my situation.

Also, i'm not comfortable with telling just anyone about my stomach problems (and yet here i am posting about it on an internet forum that absolutely anyone in the world can see... go figure) but i find it worth mentioning that i take it as a consolation prize and think of my stomach cramps as menstruation pain since i can't have periods.

Since suicide isn't an option for me i feel trapped in this dark, bleak, hellish situation that no one can help me out of.

Just wanted to vent.

If you think you are bipolar bring it up in therapy. If it's not addressed, get another therapist. There are several medications that can bring it under control. The other option is to mention it to your Endo because I believe HRT isn't your problem but your Endo may be able to connect you with help.

If you truly think you are bipolar, make your therapy session not a waste of time and ask your therapist for a referral to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is trained in chemical therapies for bipolar and can help you over a period of months find the right medication to stabilize your moods.

If that's not covered by your insurance you can go to your primary care physician and they can prescribe you something. But just be warned the psychiatrist is way more knowledgeable about these meds than a PCP will be. Still, I have known people who went this route because that is what they could afford.

If you have latent bipolar it's possible the estrogen set it off. Or maybe it's just your age and it was coming. Or maybe you had a mild unipolar depression previously and now you're aware of your ups and downs because there are times you aren't depressed. Well, who knows. If your moods are very unstable, medication will change your life.