I've known my female name for a very long time, actually much longer than the amount of time I've spent since acknowledging this gender mismatch.    Didn't know why I knew, I just knew.    Felt it was odd, and just shelved the whole thing out of the way, occasionally it'd work its way into a fantasy or dream, but no biggy.

But once I understood the mismatch, the name acquired just a massive amount of emotional power.   To the extent that I worry the first time someone calls me by name, I will just completely break down in a ridiculous puddle.   Even thinking of telling someone that name, chokes me up really badly and tears well up.

Thoughts?

My thoughts are that being called Tracey here for the first time was very emotional indeed. They don't call this a roller coaster for naught! 

Hugs, Devlyn

For me my name was chosen pragmatically. It has most of the letters my original(hopefully dead soon) name has/had. It was okay and I like it well enough. Yes, with use, it has become more emotionally powerful.

My dream is to find out what my Mom had picked as a girls name. When I was born, one was not able to find out what the child(most likely) was. I don't know that I would change it now.

Less fearful but more curious. We shall see if this changes over time.

With warmth,

Joanna

Fearful, no.  When someone used my name for the first time the only thing I had was a stupid happy grin on my face.  It was wonderful hearing it out loud and felt quite natural.

I didn't realize this until recently but I've used the initial of my female name - Jessica - all my life when signing legal contracts. I always signed with a J instead of a I - which is/was the initial of my male name.

Not fearful, but I was startled by my name recently.  I was with my wife and her sister, picking up some Chinese take-out food.  When our order was ready, they called out my name, but misread it off the paper.  It came out as "Kathy".  I am not out to my sister-in-law, so it was all I could do not to react.  I wanted to smile a big grin and thank them!

I've had this name in my head for 25 years.  But it's going to take some getting used to hearing it out loud.

I have heard mine aloud enough times that it no longer is anything more than a name I respond to automatically.  I use it all the time and while not legally changed (this will be done on the 27th), it has certainly been in use long enough to be common law qualified as an alias.

I can remember hearing Kaity when I first started using it openly and would get a thrill.  Not puddle worthy (for me), but certainly a touch of blissful melancholy

I used my name for the first time at primary school when the teacher asked my name. Seemingly it went down badly, little boys in a catholic school are not supposed to be called Cindy  and Sister's of Mercy didn't show any, but then again Christian Brothers didn't show much christianity when they got into me.

Now when I see my old name I wonder who he was and I thank him for looking after me. He was a brave little fella.

Thanks for all the replies.   I changed it here, and seeing it show up on the board as my username seems to be helping a lot.   Would be nice if I could get used to it enough to at least use it at the clinic next time I go in.   That'd be progress I think!

Hey Becky!  In time, you get used to your name being spoken and it will just become natural.  It sometimes helps to think of your name as a nickname that starts from a special point and builds to the only name you use.  It is a huge step starting the overall shift...like they say, 10,000 mile journey starting with a single step.

for my intake, I registered through the web portal. In the portal it had preferred name. I put Cynthia (I have since legally changed my name to Rachel). I went to the clinic for my intake and was so petrified. The door would open and they would call your name. I was so scared. Then I realized the 20 to 25 people in the waiting room were all trans. I was still uneasy but felt way better. After the intake I switched my insurance to make them my PCP. I had found a place where I fit in.

I think I've embraced it.

This morning I was working as a volunteer examiner in male mode, matching my examiner license and documents. About 30 minutes in I realized I was signing all the forms as "Michelle". Fortunately my script is so poor that this pretty much looks like my male name.

I consider this to be progress and a further sign of my self-acceptance. I don't fear myself or my name any more.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I guess I had favorite names in my head since I was a little kid. Some of them
I liked when I was young no longer sounded very good after I was grownup.
One of my favorite names was "Karen", but there seemed to be a lot of Karens
so I went with my next favorite from childhood "Katherine". I know when people
first started calling me Kath I would get a little emotional. It was finally being
called the name that seemed so right!  Now it just feels very comfortable and joyous
when my name is used.

Kath

My fear was how I seemed to react when I heard my name being used by a someone on television or if i met someone in a public setting.  Although I wouldn't have to lie to someone when I would follow up that if I had been born a girl my mother had seriously considered naming that.

The funny thing is that I didn't find out that little detail out until I was married and with a kid on the way.  Talk about Irony right?

I can absolutely understand you. A female name would probably cause many social problems for me because I just don't pass as a woman. On the other side, I just couldn't live with a male name anymore, so I have chosen a gender-neutral one (very similar to my birth name). Most people now use it, although it seems quite obvious to them that I'm a "man" with this name. Wonderful.... but I try the best to emotionally ignore 99,99% of this world's population, and one day it might even work.

So I guess that's the best thing you can do - use the name you want to use, try to get other people using it and fight or ignore anyone who won't. It's your moral right to choose your own name, but often it's not a legal right and you can't force people to do anything (including not calling you by your dead name).

Don to Dawn is not too much of a stretch. Sure beats Donald.

That is kewl Dawn!  A lot of people that knew me by Matt thought it would be easiest to shift to Maddie as it was a nickname anyway...but I do not do anything the easy way! 

At work I choose to go by an androgynous form of Katherine, Kat.  A lot of my friends found it easy to make that shift.  For that, I actually am Kait or Kaity 99% of the time.

Quote from: becky.rw on August 31, 2016, 12:06:28 PM
I've known my female name for a very long time, actually much longer than the amount of time I've spent since acknowledging this gender mismatch.    Didn't know why I knew, I just knew.    Felt it was odd, and just shelved the whole thing out of the way, occasionally it'd work its way into a fantasy or dream, but no biggy.

But once I understood the mismatch, the name acquired just a massive amount of emotional power.

Oh my god, this is exactly how I stumbled upon Reagan. One day I was trying to think up a name for an account, I had changed it like twenty times thus far, and then I don't know from where, but the name just popped into my head and something about it just felt right. At the time I spelt it Regan by the way, the spelling change to Reagan is a recent development. Feels better.

But anyway, this was months before I even considered I might be trans, and when I finally realized I was, well several months went by in a yes no stage, but once I'd accepted it about myself, I knew Regan was the name I was going to use. And that hasn't faltered since.

I actually just used it for the first time recently, I'm trying to find a new therapist on my insurance so I can finally get moving towards starting hrt, and I gave the name Reagan when talking to them on the phone. :3 It felt good, even though I was nervous, but I'm always that way on the phone. I'm gonna have to tell them my name currently is robert when I set up the actual in office appointment, but. :3

I still haven't come up with one of those, I suck at names. I'm fearful of every part of my name, especially the middle name, who came up with that stupid thing.

So that someone doesn't mock me, I often use the most gender neutral names imaginable on the internet. Oh look, there's one above my avatar now, it's almost instinctual at this point. I'm extremely paranoid, I even keep looking over my shoulder when using this site.

The notion of the NSA or some similar agency monitoring my communications and sending people in white coats to lock me away in a lunatic asylum just flitted through my mind.