So after I got back from my lunch break today, one of my coworkers said that I was going to make for a fine young man someday and that my wife will be the luckiest girl on the planet.
At first I was a sort of proud of myself, but then the dysphoria set in and I could not stop thinking about how I do not want to be a man. I am a woman. And I definitely do not want to marry another girl now. Maybe have sex with one just to try it, but I want to marry a man who will love me for me. I want my future husband to be everything my coworker said that I am.
I have not come out at work at all and I so badly wanted to tell her that I am not a man. But two years ago when I first started working, A gay guy came up to this coworker and basically asked her to ask me out. I was still in the dark about who I really was and was trying to suppress homosexual thoughts as I felt shameful for having them. So I told this coworker that I was most certainly not gay and would not go out with him. So at this point I can not come out to her even though I would really like to, at risk of me sounding like a hypocrite.
So I guess long story short, my dysphoria is starting to get worse and worse by the day.