Hello,
I have recently discovered that i am transgender. Well, i think that i've always knew, but its never mattered untill now. Its a long story, sorry.
I was very lucky to be raised in a very accepting family. I was born female, with a female name. I have two older sisters and a brother, but non of them live with us. My parents let me do what i wanted, even if it was unusual for girls. I remember going into the school disco as a skeleton pirate, and being confused when girls got upset when i entered the toilets. My parents never made me do 'girl' things, and let me do taekwondo.
However, i am very complicated, with a complicated history, which WHICH MAY UPSET PEOPLE, but i've tried to keep it as brief as possible. SORRY.
I have serious mental health issues, and when i went to the doctors, they dissmissed it. From that point, i always made a point of being different, and was happy when i received attention because i was different.
I began puberty very early, and started having periods before i was 11. I was very excited about it, because it was like i was unique and special, and i liked that. although the actual process was much less enjoyable. I had really severe PMS and was depressed the weeks before, after and during my period. My mother quickly put me on the pill and eventually my periods stopped all together, which i'm really glad about.
It was a similar story with my chest. It developed quickly, and now i have a very large and obvious chest. Though, i have mixed feeling about this. I got sexual harassed when i was 13, and i was so mentally unwell that i still enjoyed the attention for being abnormal. Now i'm a bit better, and i feel really uncomfortable with my chest, and really want to have a flat, male, chest, but i'm scared about it, because my chest has always been a big undeniable part of how i was unusual.
Its the opposite for my genitals. I never really cared about it until i developed sexually, and now i feel really uncomfortable with them.
My problem is that because i have never felt female, or made to act it, i'm not sure how to 'transition'. I don't care about pronouns, and i already dress and act in a gender neutral way, and have no problem with my birth name, its just purely an issue physically. I don't dislike my voice, or my (lack of) hair, or any other secondary sex characteristics. Because i am so unwell, i will never be able to have children of my own, so its not really an issue.
I don't know much about it, but i cant look into it because i'm so unwell, and can not speak to people or leave the house without my parents, and i'm not ready for them to know yet. I'm really not sure what to do, i am completely new to all of this, so sorry if i've done something wrong.
i would be grateful for any and all advice.
