Hi!

So, I'm still in the early stages of transition and I'm out to most of my family and close friends with varying degrees of acceptance. It's at the point where everyone I care about knows, so I figured that maybe it's time to just bite the bullet and come out on Facebook. I feel like doing this will help me push toward living authentically and being myself full-time.

So, are there any tips for the best way to do this? I know there are a lot of personal variables and styles, but what I'm looking for most is cautionary advice and things to prep for emotionally. Most of the people on my Facebook are religious, conservative, or both, so I know that it won't be an easy thing. I've also considered coming out and then making an entirely new Facebook profile that I can direct people who still want to stay in contact with me towards.

Any advice would be great! <3

Heya's,

Coming out to me was a very hard thing to do. It was probably the thing I least looked forward to doing, lol. Heck, I never really thought I'd get to a point to where I would want to or could even think about coming out, myself.

By the time I came around to doing it publicly on facebook, I had been on hrt and part (most) time for quite awhile. All the people I saw or talked to regularly (including many at work tho I wasn't presenting there yet) already knew as well by then.  It still took me a few months of thinking about it before I actually got the courage to do so, lol..

Me, personally, I'm a pretty private person until you get to me know me. I'm also extremely leery of posting things (pictures and private info) publicly like that too, on the web, cuz once its out there, its out there, you know? Outta your control then.

So, between me already being out to everyone who I saw and talked to regularly, basically the people who I am close to, and with how I am personally, the way I came out on facebook was quite simple and tailored to me. I changed my name to current one, my gender to female, uploaded like 50 photos that I been wanting to for a LONG time, and picked a new profile pic from that. (I also switched my sexuality since it kinda has changed, figured why not, might as well change that now as well). oh, I also removed or hid old photos of me.. I told a few friends too that I was doing so because I figured that it would help me, getting likes and loves and some positive comments about it. I then followed up on it by making a short post as well, basically saying something like this, " Hey, as many of you know by now, I've been making some  changes in my life for quite awhile now. This is me now. I am open to talk about it and things so feel free to pm me if you have any questions, concerns, etc". That was basically it, lol.

I told a few people right after I did it (who knew and were supportive) and got positive replies from them. Many of the people who hadn't heard yet liked it too. Didn't get any negative replies back on either my post or in pm. Actually, I only recall one pm about it, from a half-sister who I almost never see or talk to, basically expressing concern over my safety since I just made things public.

I've since found out (a few times!) that many people didn't see it or hear about it or me... When they did find out they were kinda surprised, to say the last, haha.

Anyways, basically, how, when, to whom, and what you say and do depends on you and your situation I'd say. You're the best judge of that, go with what you think is best, you know? Do it how you feel most comfortable doing it.

If you ask me, I think I've done it pretty cautionary there on facebook. I didn't post a lot of personal, intimate details about it or myself on it like I've seen others do, I didn't mention I'm trans or anything nor do I anywhere on it, and I removed my old ugly photos so can't tell at a quick glance that I am. I did it that way on purpose, not out of shame or anything, but for safety and privacy. I have no issues talking about it but I don't need or want my personal info to be out there for anyone to see or do with as they please.

If you're trying to be cautious as well, doing something similar might work for you. A new facebook profile, as you mentioned, might be a good idea as well. However, as I mentioned above, its probably a good bet to say that not everyone will see your post and then won't know about you and your new profile.

Emotionally: I'd say, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Many of the people who I didn't come out to are sound like yours are, as well, and I was really afraid to post anything because of that. I didn't really wanna check out facebook for awhile after I did it cuz didn't wanna see any negative posts nor did I wanna see my friends list # shrink (I looked at that before...lol). For me personally, I think telling a few supporting friends that I was doing it/ did it, helped me a lot mentally, just by knowing that there would be at least SOME positive comments there. It's hard to prepare for though cuz you can never know for sure what someone will say or think until you do it.

Anyways, hope this helps a bit at least. Good luck, let us know how it goes?

I don't know that I recommend Facebook. We did, and got a like from our transgender friends, and nothing else. Now we are on eggshells because we don't know who, if anyone, saw the announcement, so we don't know if we are out of the closet or not. A lot of stuff that your friends post doesn't make it to your newsfeed, it filters by interest and seems to not put LGBT stuff up on most people's feed.

Thanks for the responses!

The fact that not everyone will see it did register in the back of my mind, but it is something to consider for sure. I will definitely be letting my supportive friends know that I'm doing it and when so I could get some positivity on there, so that's a good suggestion! That's how I got up the courage to come out to my parents, actually: told pretty much everyone that already knew the day so that they could keep me to it and it would be less easy to back out.

Coming out is a process, and while coming out on my social media may not reach everyone I've connected with in the past, I think it's a pretty good step even still. I know I will still have many of those one-on-one, nerve-racking coming out experiences, but yeah.

My tentative plan is to do it on National Coming Out Day next month. Y'know, since it's so close and all. I will definitely update here to let y'all know how it goes.

Facebook was my last stop in coming out.  I had pretty much told everyone close to me first and had been living full time outside of work (about 4-6 months), which was pretty easy to keep away from work since my job is 65 miles from my home.  Nasty commute every day but in this case it was a good thing.

I contacted HR, got everything arranged, and a few weeks later came out at work.  Later that same day I made my post to Facebook.

The only reason I bring that up is I am friends with co-workers so I didn't want anything going sour at my job because of social media.  Once I was out there, I had nothing left to hide. 

I considered making a new account but decided on keeping the same one.  I figured it was too much hassle and I didn't want to start all over with my friends list, photos, page likes, etc.  My thinking was it's my Facebook account (dammit), if someone doesn't like it they can leave.   Also, I figured if people were really my friend, they would be ok with it.  I've known people who have gone the new account route and done well with that too, that was just my decision and it worked out for me.  To my knowledge, I dropped two friends after coming out there, still have no idea who it was so they must not have been very close to begin with.

I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of support I received, I know others haven't been as lucky but for me it went well.  I also have many conservative friends on Facebook so that was definitely a worry for me too.

Best of luck to you, I hope everything goes well!

I have thought and still am tninking about this ....i have some way to go yet ....but i thought  i would just post the facts and then leave a link to my new account  as the old me will have  ceased to exsist in a sense so those who want can   join my new account and those who don,t won,t matter   .....too bad i,ll know who,s who then  , i don't  have  100,s of facebook friends i,m very selective on who i allow .

There really isn't one best way or style. I have seen ones who did it as one post on their Facebook and even transition with that account and others who did it more privately with people and move them to a new account that matches their gender identity. It really comes down to personal choice and comfort in the end. For me that was I created a new account for my authentic self. Then I gradually started privately telling people on Facebook about what was going on and what I needed to do about it. So they knew what and why. Then those that were supportive and wanted to be on the new account I gave a friend request too. Then everyone who was left behind got a couple last chances at the end where I posted a coming out post instead. Now everyone who was on the new account was no longer on the old account. Anyways that is how I dealt with it, but in the end you need to find what works for you and what is comfortable for you to tell everyone about your transition on Facebook. Hugs
Mariah

If you decide to make a new account for your new identity, and your old identity is not yet out, be careful to avoid having anything or anyone in common.  Facebook is extremely promiscuous and will try to make connections that you might not want made.

I have been careful to avoid having any friends in common between the two identities.  However, my neighbour ("N"), who is a friend on my boy account is also a friend of a friend of Kathy's, just by chance.  That is getting dangerously close: FB has picked up on the connection.  (I am out to N, so no worries there.)  I have to resist its repeated suggestions for Kathy to friend N.  If I did friend her, all my boy account's friends (or N's friends) would suddenly start receiving suggestions to friend Kathy, and I'm not ready for that!

I opted for the two accounts method because I wanted to be able to cruise trans-related FB pages without leaving a trail of "likes" or visits on my boy account.  When I come out publicly, I will probably shut down Kathy's page and rename and re-gender my boy account.

My plan is to come out in person in my community first, then post an announcement on FB, then, after a couple of days, rename the account.

Thanks again for all the responses!

I came out on Facebook yesterday. My experience was pretty much like Emjay's! I decided to keep my original Facebook account and changed the name, gender, and profile picture after making an announcement in a status message. (Luckily I had a drawing of me in femme mode that a friend drew so that I could use that for a profile picture. I'm still too shy to share actual photos.) The response was very positive! I got nearly a hundred likes and many comments of love and support. I did lose a few "friends" which was to be expected, but it was no one that I noticed or was really close to anyway. I have not yet received any negative feedback in the form of messages or the like, and I think that is partly due to a statement I made in my announcement which politely requested that if anyone had a problem with my choice that they should simply unfriend me rather than start an argument. A few of my friends had volunteered to monitor the post as well for any negativity and were ready to jump to my defense if the need arose.

The things I take away from this is that sometimes things in this journey turn out better than you expect them to, and since that is a very seldom occurrence, it should be celebrated! My other take away is that it's much more difficult for nay-sayers to step forward when there is a flood of positive feedback, so to any who are considering doing this who are already out privately to a few friends or family who support you, I would recommend letting them know what you are doing and when so that they can be the first to publicly show some love and support.

Thank you all for the advice, and I hope everyone had a lovely National Coming Out Day no matter where you stand in your journey. <3

Quote from: JeanetteK on October 12, 2016, 10:06:09 PM
Thanks again for all the responses!

I came out on Facebook yesterday. My experience was pretty much like Emjay's! I decided to keep my original Facebook account and changed the name, gender, and profile picture after making an announcement in a status message. (Luckily I had a drawing of me in femme mode that a friend drew so that I could use that for a profile picture. I'm still too shy to share actual photos.) The response was very positive! I got nearly a hundred likes and many comments of love and support. I did lose a few "friends" which was to be expected, but it was no one that I noticed or was really close to anyway. I have not yet received any negative feedback in the form of messages or the like, and I think that is partly due to a statement I made in my announcement which politely requested that if anyone had a problem with my choice that they should simply unfriend me rather than start an argument. A few of my friends had volunteered to monitor the post as well for any negativity and were ready to jump to my defense if the need arose.

The things I take away from this is that sometimes things in this journey turn out better than you expect them to, and since that is a very seldom occurrence, it should be celebrated! My other take away is that it's much more difficult for nay-sayers to step forward when there is a flood of positive feedback, so to any who are considering doing this who are already out privately to a few friends or family who support you, I would recommend letting them know what you are doing and when so that they can be the first to publicly show some love and support.

Thank you all for the advice, and I hope everyone had a lovely National Coming Out Day no matter where you stand in your journey. <3

That is fantastic news that you got such a positive response.  I do hope that it continues. I have found when going through this that some peoples first reactions were not really anything other than being polite. Given a few days and they came across far differently. I hope you don't have that experience, it was a really hard one for me as I kind of thought that if they said they were OK then they were OK.

Keep being positive and  moving forward with your transition. It is great that it turned out better than you expected...a welcome relief I would think.

Congrats

Liz

Yes. Facebook is a great place for coming out.
In my experience, my caveats are as follows:

1. Come out gradually. You do not need to declare something suddenly. People need time to digest.

2. Don't focus only on your gender identity issue. Gender identity is just a part of our life. There are many things you can post on. For example, travel, photography, education, politics/religion, education, kids, entertainment, hobby and etc. People will see and digest your gender identity issue in the context of your whole daily life.

BTW, I do not hide anything in Facebook, except my very private and personal things and my nude photos 

barbie~~

I didn't really come out on facebook, but I made a new facebook and left my old one to die. Then I just befriended the people I cared about on my new one and people found me.

you can start by switching your preferred pronouns on FB. It is not immediately noticeable unless by someone who's paying attention. Try to use a gender neutral profile picture (I used ranma from japanese anime, google it and you'll know why I used that). Slowly one by one add things that completes the picture.
Facebook also have abilities to divide your friends into groups, you can set one group for people that you've told and slowly adding people to such group one by one. Everything that you posted for that group can only be seen by that group. Once you added someone and they are not receptive, you can always remove them from there.

one step at a time, don't have to "officially" come out if you don't want or need to.