You are so very young. You still have lots of time to reach your goals and become
the real you. I did not stop hiding until I was in my mid 50s. I have some regrets
about not having a little more courage but who knows what may have happened
if I had come out in the 70s - and then I would not have my two wonderful
daughters. Need to put the past behind you, not to be forgotten but
should not dominate or damage your ability to move forward.

I can totally relate to a sense of 'wasted years' as I have only recently begun my transition at the age of 49. I do grieve the lost years and sometimes it can be somewhat overwhelming. At those times I find it helpful to concentrate on tomorrow, a future in which I can continue to be simply the 'me' that I hid away for so long.

Hi Sidney. I'm 25 and know the feeling. I sometimes find myself getting bogged down with the feeling that I've wasted so much of my life.

What gets me out of this funk is that I remember that I have some great memories, experiences, and have met some amazing people. If I had made different choices or if I had born in a body I identified with, those memories and experiences would be gone.

Without our pasts, we wouldn't have become the wonderful people we are today.

Hope this will help you

There are a lot of things I regret about not being able to transition early.  However, wasted years is not one of them.  The years are yours and years are gender neutral.  They are only wasted if you let them be.

I was 24 when I transitioned and people at the support group , who were basically all in their 40ies or older , kept telling me how lucky I was to be so young. At that time there was still a ban on GRS for young people, I think the age limit was 21 or maybe even more. So compared to the others I was young, but of course I myself was still whining about not havng had a proper childhood and teenage years. I try to focus on the good parts of those years - much of what I did , I would have done if I was born with the right parts. When I was 7, I was sure I do not want to grow up in a masculine way and get a male puberty. I was thirdgendered in elementary school - not fitting in with anyone. I was at a child psychiatrist for a while, but I never ever dared to speak up that "I want to be a girl". I keep telling myself how stupid that was, because I may have changed things earlier, but then I realize that maybe its not true. Maybe if I would have told the psychiatrist what I was, she would have given me testosterone to cure me or something crazy like that.
So I think now, the big thing that I miss painfully is not having had teenage girl years with trying relationships and love with boys. I am a middle aged woman now and still so very much inexperienced with relationships and sexuality that I basically often rather keep to myself and stay single, and this bugs me most.

I didn't look at this post and kept passing it by because I saw the title and said to myself Oh my God someone messed up their life like I did. I finally took a  look to realize it's a young little grasshopper lamenting the first years of life that we all do except for the exceptions that are born in the more understanding present. I'm 65 and just started the path that should of been started 64 years ago. I'm happy now and regretting the 64 years of waste serves no purpose. Cherish what you have.

I'm in my 50's and I have a sense that I wasted many years.  Years that I could have lived as my true self. I think about the relationships I could have had. I think about the fun I could have had. It makes me sad. But I know that nothing can change the facts of what my life has been because of the decisions I made years ago.

So be glad you have your today to make decisions before you have more regrets.

Quote from: ChristineRachel on September 10, 2016, 03:09:34 AM
I'm 26 too, and I understand wher you are coming from, though I spend most of my time thinking of all the positives I had achieved in the passed. I know some people who spend all ther time focusing on the negatives, I will tell you now point blank, they do not live fulfilling lives like I do.
Have you made any strides towards HRT? Even a blocker?
You will feel relieved once you get on them.

Unfortunately, no. At least. not yet. You see, in the country I come from its almost impossible to get HRT. There are 2 counsellors dealing with trans issues for the whole republic and people think of trans as freaks. The situation changes slowly, but I can't wait for that so I went to UK. NOw I'm trying to put my life together here, find something with a sense of security, forget the bad and cherish the good memories.. My plan to start with blockers is 2 months from now, if everything goes well.

I speak 4 languages, have 2 degrees, play guitar, write 2 blogs. But up until now, I lacked the purpose in life. I was just floating through it with some bad decisions as well. I'm just afraid that if I were to slip into old tracks, all bad comes with it- depression, doubt, suicide attempts, addictions....

It might not seem as much, but your replies really keep me above the water. Hell, they made my day totally worth it! Also, it's good to know that so many of you with far more life experience decided to walk this path. That alone gives me hope that in the end everything will fall into place and I'll be able to live happily ever after.

Quote from: SidneyAldaine on September 06, 2016, 08:34:58 PM

But lately, watching all those transition videos  . . .

That was your 1st mistake. I don't know how many times I have heard trans women start a sentence like that, which usually ends in grief.  It's really very common.  Comparing yourself to all those Youtube videos of trans women who transition and then end up looking like a Hollywood actress and getting thousands of views?  Everyone's transition is magical and unique and I try not to get caught up in other people's transitions. My hands are quite full with my own transition.

Oh thats great for you, once on a blocker, you have saved yourself, even if you cant get the E right away, withought T the body remains female, you should do great, if you are in the UK now,and said your country, the Republic, are your from Ireland?
You seem so talented, it would be a shame to just wander threw life directionless. 2 degrees is pretty amasing, I have none.
Thats wher the trans thing got me, In uni I couldn't focus, and I didn't care about my life, so I messed around, worked odd jobs, but do I regret it? No way no how. I have achieved so much and ultimately it was doing what I did that broke me free from the rail road that is life. It allowed me to move to Switzerland, have a great job, get on HRT, and the few little worrys I may have had just melted away :3
Oh and out of curiosity, what is the 4 languages? :O
*hugs* Christine

4 languages are English, german- haven't spoken for a few yeas, Slovak, Czech. I know some basics from French and Japanese, can understand Polish, if that counts. Perks of multilingual family.

Im no from Ireland. I honestly wish I was, but central European here. Anyway, if you are from Ireland, moved to Switzerland with your friend and work in wine making, that would be perfect! But that would be too much of a coincidence, right?

I was in the same situation ad you were in the uni and im afraid I still might be there. Unable to move or achieve any goal, I should have had my 3rd diploma by now but I messed up and next couple of months will show if I can finally get it or not..

That degree is the last thing I had to finish before closing my 'old' life and turning the page

OMG! :O
How did you know?? Psycic?
Thats exactly what I did. Its has been amasing.

Well my fingers are crossed for your degree, then life will realy start moving :3 and blockers :')

Quote from: Jane Emily on September 10, 2016, 11:56:59 PM
That was your 1st mistake. I don't know how many times I have heard trans women start a sentence like that, which usually ends in grief.  It's really very common.  Comparing yourself to all those Youtube videos of trans women who transition and then end up looking like a Hollywood actress and getting thousands of views?  Everyone's transition is magical and unique and I try not to get caught up in other people's transitions. My hands are quite full with my own transition.

Hi Jane,

Actually, I hate those video you mentioned. There are quite a few videos that show ordinary girls and not those Hollywood make up dolls. Those I really like. And you're right, at first I felt lost watching those, but then I realised everybody has their own journey ahead of themselves.

Quote from: ChristineRachel on September 11, 2016, 07:22:35 AM
OMG! :O
How did you know?? Psycic?
Thats exactly what I did. Its has been amasing.

Well my fingers are crossed for your degree, then life will realy start moving :3 and blockers :')

OMG!!! I know because your fri3nd has a blog and we did some blogging colab together before. When I p9sted first few trans articles, she messaged me to share her story and yours. She wanted to let me know I'm not alone out there and also, she wanted to tell somebody. You know 😊

I think she might have a different fb account but does Holly Reed ring a bell?

Haha yes, the Blogtober thing! I remember her mentioning this to me, about someone having gender issues are something, she is so cool and genuine, this was before I even came out to her, so it just shows you how genuine she is, I came out in the new year then.
Shes amasing, always helping everyone. That is her surely, Holly.
This is just such a funny coincidence we. How small the world is.

I know some others who were trapped by those transition videos. I think some of them are either exaggerated, edited or even photoshopped to impress others. Taking those as a guideline or build ones own expectations on those is almost bound to be frustrating. I could not do this because I never had a beard, but that would be one of these things - you pick one of the mean old pictures with beard and shaved head and then put up some pictures while transitioning and the very last picture you photoshop or you use great makeup - people will be blown away. But that usually is not how it is - I can only compare my regular pictures before - no beard, long hair - d'oh and then I am having post transition pictures but I am not a makeup fan , so they are not as stunning as they could be. Maybe I should do this once to just prove I can impress people if I want to - lol. Get the makeup done professionally and a photoshoot with just the right angles and then take one of those old photos of me with dreadlocks and all...
But honestly - thats the internet - its almost all snoke and mirrors

Quote from: anjaq on September 11, 2016, 08:02:19 AM
I know some others who were trapped by those transition videos. I think some of them are either exaggerated, edited or even photoshopped to impress others. Taking those as a guideline or build ones own expectations on those is almost bound to be frustrating. I could not do this because I never had a beard, but that would be one of these things - you pick one of the mean old pictures with beard and shaved head and then put up some pictures while transitioning and the very last picture you photoshop or you use great makeup - people will be blown away. But that usually is not how it is - I can only compare my regular pictures before - no beard, long hair - d'oh and then I am having post transition pictures but I am not a makeup fan , so they are not as stunning as they could be. Maybe I should do this once to just prove I can impress people if I want to - lol. Get the makeup done professionally and a photoshoot with just the right angles and then take one of those old photos of me with dreadlocks and all...
But honestly - thats the internet - its almost all snoke and mirrors

I occasionally click on the video when I feel like I can't do it or when I'm really insecure but fr9m my perspective other people see more changes than I do on myself. Anyway, passing and looking like an actress is overrated, in my opinion.

Well for some "passing" may be very important - either for safety reasons or just to live quietly. Looking like an actor is more of a typical female obsession

But that feeling of

Quote from: SidneyAldaine on September 11, 2016, 08:11:12 AM
fr9m my perspective other people see more changes than I do on myself.

Is exactly coming from such videos because they represent in no way an average of how transition goes. They basically are the ones that are so happy that they want to show off and they exxagerate at that even more. So not seeing as much change as those in the videos do is probably going to be the experience of 90% of trans people...

Just like 90% of the women will never reach a body shape even close to that of the models wearing the clothes they just bought from a cataloque.

Sidney, I think we all experience some of those pangs, I can say truly for me the realizations have come when they did and I made the best choices I could and there's not too much to regret.

I recently came to the realization that my maternal parent most likely suffers a sociopathic personality disorder - my sister used to diagnose her as borderline personality but running down a comparison of traits that doesn't fit as well. I've always known what a broken person she can be and I do my best to understand and let go of the fears that resulted from her behaviors.

I have known for as long as I realized I'm trans that getting to that point earlier wasn't in the cards. My family held decidedly rigid views about social roles with gender never questioned and any nonconformity would be taken as queer and that was not a label one wanted attached in my family.

I certainly have some anger around that and yet even had I grown up in the most nurturing family imaginable, the society of the US in the 1960s had no concept of transgender people so there was no language to understand and no support.

I have done lot with my life and continue to. Even looking at more recent years, when I first considered transition the guidelines were still very much locked into a binary presentation and I honestly couldn't have dealt with that. And finally until the last year my daughter wasn't really ready to deal with this change and at 60 another year isn't a big deal to me.

We cannot change what has already passed us by, to view them as wasted years is to me admitting  that the past is more important than the future. Each and every day going forward is what we can change, and that should be where our efforts should be centered on. Celebrate the fact that you are where your life is now and strive to make each and every day a little better than the last, to me doing that will make the past less important.