Hi all, hope you have a good day!

I realised recently that part of what makes me doubt my decision to transition is that I'm unsure about the results. NOw I know that it gets only better from what I have now and that people change their whole lives. I guess you could phrase my question like this: does your mental image of yourself match what you look like and feel like after' transitioning? I decided to transition because I don't feel well in my own body as it is and in fact it is quite the opposite of what I have in mind when I imagine myself. Im afraid that I won't be able to, let's say connect my mental image with my body even after transitioning.

So does your perCeption of yourself matches who you are after transitioning?

At no point in my transition did I have an image of how my body would appear after the transition. Yes I wanted it to be feminine. I learned what looked good on me but the plan was to change what I could and not worry about the rest. My primary driving force for the transition was to eliminate the depression and I felt my best shot at that was moving into the feminine role. We were ignorant about the role that testosterone plays in gender dysphoria so until I spent some time on this site, I was unaware of why the surgery ended up being the solution to my depression. Cross living helped a good deal with the depression and from that, I knew the only direction for me was forward.

You need to understand there will be several steps in your transition and at each you will make a decision about going forward or ending the transition. Each decision will be made on what you have learned up to that point. It's far to early to decide on surgery and living happily ever after. Now is the time to decide about taking your first steps.

The reason you ask the question is because you see all of us so much farther along than you. Just remember that I am post surgical 34 years and my transition lasted about 8 years from coming out to surgery. Of that I spent 2.5 years in RLE. It wasn't until about 1.5 years into RLE that I understood for me there would be no going back. Your time table will be different than mine and hopefully much quicker but it will take time before you know for sure. 

Quote from: SidneyAldaine on September 12, 2016, 09:33:00 PM
Hi all, hope you have a good day!

I realised recently that part of what makes me doubt my decision to transition is that I'm unsure about the results. NOw I know that it gets only better from what I have now and that people change their whole lives. I guess you could phrase my question like this: does your mental image of yourself match what you look like and feel like after' transitioning? I decided to transition because I don't feel well in my own body as it is and in fact it is quite the opposite of what I have in mind when I imagine myself. Im afraid that I won't be able to, let's say connect my mental image with my body even after transitioning.

So does your perCeption of yourself matches who you are after transitioning?

That's an important question. For anyone that is considering, or pursuing transition, expectations must be realistic. For me, I'm completely cool with who I am and any progress I make in becoming more feminine is a victory. My philosophy is I simply want to be the girl version of me. So, flaws and all, I'm happy with being the best woman I can be, in my own skin, but with a few enhancements. 

My perception of myself is just about right. There is no depression. There is no anxiety. What more could I ask for?

Quote from: SidneyAldaine on September 12, 2016, 09:33:00 PMdoes your mental image of yourself match what you look like and feel like after' transitioning? I decided to transition because I don't feel well in my own body as it is and in fact it is quite the opposite of what I have in mind when I imagine myself.

To begin with, is there even an "after"?

What I've decided body image wise, is that my breasts ARE real; they may not be large or impressive, but its not just muscle and some muscular fats under that nipple.   That is squishy proof that I have finally begun the process of making this body into a pleasant home for this mind.   As it becomes my home, it becomes me, and I become the body, unified and at last able to see with clarity.

I should hope after transition people feel right with themselves, the feel whole.
I always felt female, I was happy in that thought, and thats why I did nothing about it for so long, I really believed I was and it was as simple as that. Plus not knowing what trans was, I had nothing to aim for, I just grew my hair always even though parents hated it.

I expect that your feeling of satisfaction and well-being "after transition" will depend somewhat on your expectations.

I do actually think that I ended up looking and being about as I expected. I also found that the more I became feminine in my appearance, the more satisfied and happy I felt about the person I was becoming and presenting to the world.

I can't say that life was exactly as I expected it to be and that was simply that I had little idea of what life as a trans woman would really be like. Every person considering transition and unsure about it should know that it is has unique challenges. No matter who you are and how well you pass, there will be challenges in this world.

For one, you have to choose whether you will live in stealth or openly as a trans woman. Both solutions present major challenges. If you live in stealth you are constantly looking over your shoulder. If you live in the open, you are never treated the same as a cis-woman.  I live in stealth, and I find it ironic that before I decided to transition I had a secret that I kept from the world that I had gender dysphoria. After transition, I have a secret I keep from the world that I'm trans. So I traded one secret for another.

For me, it has all been worth it because life before was not worth living. However, for a person who is considering "transition" you need to realize that you will always be trans, will never feel "perfect" and you'll always know, and some others around you will know, that you are not a cis-woman. There is no easy road.

I am happy with the person that I am and love myself. Had I not transitioned and somehow survived to the age I am now, it's difficult for me to imagine genuinely feeling that way.