3 days after surgery and the day starts much the same way, keep applying cold packs to the eyes, keep massaging the jaw. I also did a lot of pacing up and down the apartment to not be sedentary. Eyesight was getting better by the hour by this stage. Still lots of bruising under the eyes and on the eyelids, but i was able to open both eyes ok.
Dr DiMaggio came past around 4pm that day. I lie on the bed, he proceeds to cut the bandages off (if you don't have scissors or there aren't any in the apartment, maybe bring a pair). the expression on his face is quite stern and almost concerned looking, i start to panic a little, wondering if he was thinking to himself, 'oops, stuffed that one up, oh well'.
Eventually the headgear is free although you still hold your head like it is encased. He motions me over to the mirror to see myself properly for the first time forehead and all (I chose not to do it the morning after the surgery or even straight after the surgery even though apparently that was the best time before the swelling kicks in). It is a moment of surreal reality, that everything i was uncomfortable in my face had at least been smoothed down somewhat. I touch my forehead, the numbness feeling is very strange, i keep looking, almost fascinated by the image staring back. Sure it is a bloated, bruised image looking back, but there is promise in there. slowly and delicately, my fingers touch this new face and the things that have happened to it, the stitches through the hairline, the forehead, the eyebrows, the nose, the jaw, the oddly smooth throat, all of it very much tangible and touchable and connected to a body that was mine. there isn't a euphoria feeling, there isn't an 'oh crap im hideous' feeling, it is just like a weight off my life, something that had always stopped me from believing/hoping when i looked in the mirror all those years, could just, hopefully, maybe be lifting off, that weight that i didn't realise was just so present and driving of my life, suddenly didn't have to be anymore.
the only person around to hug was Dr DiMaggio so he got it.
His commentary of what he had done was very honest. He showed me the bonewok that was removed and went through what he did, 2 cm of skin removed from the hairline (note it doesn't seem like that in a 2 dimensional plane as you have to account for the ridges in the bone work which means a lot of it is to remove slack, so my hairline, although more forward, only feels like a little bit more forward, but then i also have hair transplants coming up next week) the amount of bone removed from my brow ridge was significant, i had an issue where my orbital nerve was higher than normal so the doctor had 2 options in surgery, don't perform it at all or do what he could and hope that the feeling will be ok down the track, i am most thankful that he did what he could, I knew that risk very well before going into it, time will tell what sort of feeling returns to my forehead area. There was a slight brow lift due to the hairline incision, he did the most subtle change to the bridge of my nose, narrowing it slightly and removing a little from the tip, this was wonderful, the part i worried about the most because almost everyone has trouble with their nose. and then the jaw which was hard to see because of the staypuff marshmallow person look from ghost busters original, the pieces of bone he showed me looked really significant. He commented on projecting my chin forward but didn't know what would be best due to swelling to make a call on that and suggested i look at my face in a years time when all the swelling subsides before making a call on that. And finally that big triangular adams apple....no longer there, he was most happy with what he was able to achieve for me, i hadn't set my sights stupendously high but he exceeded even my best hope.
I go back to the mirror, fascinated at what he has achieved...
SO the other good news, i can now shower fully, get my hair wet and generally clean myself up somewhat to face the world, he talks about taking it very slowly around the scalp,
bring a bandana, head scarf, beanie or loose hat (all very clean and washed) and oversize sunglasses if you are a little self conscious going out in public with stitches in your forehead and bruised eyes.
And with that, he says he will see me in his clinic on monday (a week after the surgery), Ximena will drop past the next day to see how i am going and i am free now to face the world again, pretending to be the staypuff marshmallow person out in the streets of buenos aires.
Trying to deknot my hair which is already fragile, prone to breaking, prone to knotting and thinning just a little too worryingly took quite some time and i am still trying to get it all free as gently as possible.
Whenever i brush, significant clumps do come out, but again i am assured this is quite normal, although even i expected it. Still it is quite worrying how many times one needs to free their detangling comb of clumps of hair. Take it easy at the ends and progresssively work to the scalp, use detangling products to help, my apartment host also had a hair dryer to help dry my hair as i was trying to comb it (note i never use a hairdryer because i was so afraid of damaging my hair all those years,so that whole reverse image in the mirror thing when trying to direct the airflow is most perplexing).
sleep is a little easier, maybe four hours or so.
and we arrive to today, Again Ximena dropped in, encouraging and jovial as always, allaying fears of the big bad world and setting me forth... i went out into the world, small bandage under my chin to cover the scar not to fussed about the scar along my hairline, (my hair covers all but the centre section) some sunglasses to cover the bruising and my bottle of water.
I probably walked a little too far (3 hours but i was feeling it at the halfway point stupidly realising i had to spend that same amount of time getting back to the apartment)but i was just happy to be out of the apartment to see BA again.
I really wish i did bring more money here than what i had to work with, just to try all those wonderful looking pastries and cakes (although given i can't open my mouth fully at the moment, this is a blessing in disguise) and food that is staple for the City. (i still don't know how they all look so good with food this naughty looking though).
Tomorrow i try to pick up my laundry from the lavadero to see how successful i was, i still find that service strange to hand my clothes to someone else to wash for me.
