When I first started I wished I had been born a girl instead of a guy. I had no plans to transition. But its been worth it. I too was concerned about being my dad's only son. Even worse I was named after a friend of his who died in Vietnam. He wanted to name each of my three sisters after Allen. That story was the first thing that came to mind when I accepted my trans status. I was heartbroken at the though of hurting him over it.

Well I was wrong. My dad has been super supportive of me. He even encouraged my mom to use my correct name.

There came a point after starting the transition where everything was finally coming into place and for the first time in my life I feel like I'm living my life. I'm not living my dad's or the bullies at school or anyone else's life. I'm living mine.

Am I scared about transitioning? At this point, just the surgery. I'm over everything else. Yeah I'm not happy that two of my sisters have been against me, but its easier to deal with that than everything else. Family acceptance was my biggest fear and it turned out almost exactly how I expected it to. Taking pills every day hasn't been that bad. The increased peeing is mildly anoying. I don't regret transitioning one bit so far and I'm almost 5 months HRT and 8 months for being full time.

Sorry for unearthing this topic. I hope I don't cause offence by doing so.
I came across it in a google search searching for trans shame and feeling some.
And like the second post or so said trans is nothing to be ashamed about, but is actually very beautiful.
That really touched me and got me out of my bad place and I just wanted to say thank you.
I'm generally well adjusted to my adrogynous life but it's hard sometimes.
Edalia

Dear I Don't Wanta . . .

Wow, you really brought me back to the point where I either did something about my GID or . . . . I even tried the second alternative and screwed it up, thankfully.

Your questions are often what comes up when it's time to talk to a professional for  several sessions.  There are answers and way more questions but the key is to get some help navigating them. 

Also, it's quite fortunate that you posted here.  Please do so regularly as talking to others who understand is so important.  I won't try to answer your questions just yet, and some have already posted some truly insightful words.  Feel free to reach out to me if you think that will help.

Take care and stay in touch,

Rachel

P.S. If there's a trans-support group in your area, contact them and meet with them.  That's such a great way to begin understanding - that plus therapy.

If increasing your femininity hasn't worked, if only partially, becoming more feminine or an out transwoman, probably isn't going to help in all honesty. If small changes don't produce small benefits for your dysphoria, you can't realistically expect big changes to create big benefits. The fear you feel is instinct, and a warning. A warning to try and make sure you're not looking at the complete transition as a form of escape from your problems. Alot of people have hope that once X happens, their lives will completely change. But it won't. You'll still be the same person with the same life problems. Which maybe multifaceted and complex.

As far as motivation goes, the right diet and exercise can be very beneficial. Staying busy is also critical. But its difficult to get started when depressed.

Tell your father you may have "gender identity issues." The word "transgender" will lead him to think full blown transexual. Which isn't what you want him to think from the start. Stay vague, and let it sink in gradually. When he gets to one stage  of acceptance, you go to the next.

And of course there's the therapy option. As for if you can stop being trans as an adult? Yes by all measures. There are detransitioners, so they stopped.

You're not going to unlearn your male socialization. That's in your subconscious by now. If changing yourself on such a fundamental  level makes your brain hurt and if it seems seriously daunting then don't learn those rules. Theyre gender stereotypes anyway. Remember the end goal here is to make you feel better. If it's not doing that than it's doing nothing for you.

Caveat: I haven't transitioned nor have I seen a gender therapist, so I'm not an expert.

Confused21, I had been daze and confused for a long time whether I am a cross dresser or a transsexual. Since I have to deal with this confused alone is really tough, and some time I was wish I better death than alive. Until I go to local support group, and find out there other like me out there deal with the same suffer. Recently I decide to take COmbined Gender Identities And Transsexual Inventory (COGATI) MtF test, and result came back with classification level 5 Transsexual. They recommend I find local Gender Dysphoria counseling for help, and I got my first appointment in couple weeks. Good luck.

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Quote from: Carie Lynn on April 12, 2015, 07:28:22 PM
At 58 years old wrestling with this since my earliest memories, drug addiction, suicide attempts, career and Life in shambles, I am finally at the point of acceptance or die. I dress feminine now slacks and tops but only to the point of ambiguity, it's a horrible thing to try and deny my true self and I just cannot anymore, I just wish I had the resources to transition.

Carie, just go on internet search for 'transgender in your area' I am sure there are resource near by. Good luck[emoji3]

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Quote from: dex_paradox on April 13, 2015, 05:33:46 AM
I'm honestly a bit uncomfortable with being labeled a "transgender woman" as I simply identify as a woman, simpliciter.  Nevertheless, this is the way I've been trying to rethink it: there are some mtf who really embrace being trans whereas others just want to be a non-trans woman.  This is not to deny that you've gone through a transition, but to simply assert that you are that very thing, and not some outsider with only a similarity to that thing. 

However, perhaps that way of thinking really just doesn't understand what it means to be a trans woman.  Maybe the right way to think about it is that being a trans woman really is just a kind of woman! And that should be considered so no more or less than a cis woman, who also simply is just a kind of woman.

Well that what Gender Dysphoria come in. That we don't know which gender we suppose to be.

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Quote from: Tessa James on April 15, 2015, 03:55:11 PM
Hey Allison I like your attitude and signature line, welcome aboard.

I have met exactly no one who "wants to be transgender" and I have been part of the LGBTQ world all my long adult life.  I have, however, met many people who accept that they are transgender, embrace this reality and take steps to transition or find a place where they are comfortable with being their true and authentic self.  Hiding, guarding behaviors, and acting like we are something we are not is far more damaging than dealing with the truth IMO.

Tessa, I'm finally except myself as a transwomam, and I look forward to what ahead of my journey of transition.

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Quote from: Qrachel on February 01, 2016, 08:44:33 AM
Dear I Don't Wanta . . .

Wow, you really brought me back to the point where I either did something about my GID or . . . . I even tried the second alternative and screwed it up, thankfully.

Your questions are often what comes up when it's time to talk to a professional for  several sessions.  There are answers and way more questions but the key is to get some help navigating them. 

Also, it's quite fortunate that you posted here.  Please do so regularly as talking to others who understand is so important.  I won't try to answer your questions just yet, and some have already posted some truly insightful words.  Feel free to reach out to me if you think that will help.

Take care and stay in touch,

Rachel

P.S. If there's a trans-support group in your area, contact them and meet with them.  That's such a great way to begin understanding - that plus therapy.

Rachel, you are correct my local support group just like my second family.

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All well and good to transition. But what if you already have a wife and kids and you know you'll get the ax at work for it if you do transition. How can I do it and keep a roof over my families head. I don't see it being practical. Then on top of that there's parents on both sides to deal with. I need to deal with it in a way that isn't going to completely mess things up. Otherwise I'd be happy to get the surgery tomorrow. I would love to make the change but it just isn't possible.




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Hugs

V M

Problem is. If I transition I'll have NO friends, family or job. I want to but I can't. I need to somehow sweep these feelings back under the rug somehow. I don't want to but I don't have any other option.

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are options but they may not be great options. We have a number of member on the site who take HRT to help control the feelings but are delaying transitioning as long as possible. Others can get by with "vacations" where they live life as themselves. Some move toward gender neutral where they can express without presenting fully female. I would suggest you see a gender therapist and go from there because at this point, you won't be able to put it back in the bottle for long. To start you off, I am going to give you a couple of links to look at.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209589.0.html

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 14, 2016, 09:13:15 PMI need to somehow sweep these feelings back under the rug somehow.

The world would be a much different place if we could forget on demand.  The one thing that is true for everyone about gender dysphoria is that it doesn't go away.

So, one way or another, you will have to come to terms with the feelings.  Whether you do that through a full public transition, or privately though things that have meaning only to yourself, a gender therapist will be able to help you discover the best way for you.

Jasmine, Kathy was right dysphoria does not go away. We can suppress it for awhile but it is always there in the back ground, and will reappear. I will give you my own personal experience and hope that you can use something from it that will help you. Two and a half years ago I quit trying to suppress it and accepted myself as trans. What I have done since then is to slowly incorporate more women's clothing into my daily life. There are many things that you can wear that will not out you to others, jeans, tops, shorts etc. Just the feeling that I have when wearing them is so beneficial to how I feel about myself. My wardrobe is now about 60% women's and the remainder is male clothing. I have now also started HRT low dosage without going forward with a full social transition. Again, this can be done without outing yourself to others, is it what I would ultimately like no, but I know that this is what will work in my situation. I have outed myself to my wife because I did not feel that starting on HRT without her knowledge would be right for our relationship. There were some initial problems with that but she is now ok with it. The biggest things that helped with her acceptance of starting HRT was the fact that I sought therapy help before going forward and that I also told her about it and told her that I would not go forward with it without her being on board with it. I hope that this will help you and wish you the best of luck with your journey, hugs

Jasmine,

You have some good advice from the others.

I am 51 and was in the place you are in about a year and a half ago.

I think therapy is really important. I had never gone before and was very nervous. However, it helped guide me through the maze of confusing and conflicting ideas. It was not a pleasant idea but like Denni I then spoke to my wife about it. I have shared with my one of three teenage daughters before she went to college. I will talk to the others soon.

I am not out at work and have been on low level HRT for a bit over 7 months. Almost all of the clothes I wear at work  and everywhere else are women's or androgynous but that fits the style I have been wearing for years. Sweaters, vests, ties. Might I add my pants have never fit well till switching to women's.

Feel free to keep posting and asking questions here. After you reach 15 posts you can share private messages. Feel free to contact me if you want either  to share or ask questions or just kevetch(don't know how to spell that).

With warmth,

Joanna

I was just wondering. Is there a way to remove facial hair for a couple of days? I'm desperate to get my face silky smooth to help me with coming out about being transgender.

Unfortunately shaving and proper coverup makeup are the only temporary solutions. While waxing could do what you are after, it would be very painful and could damage the hair for future hair removal.

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 16, 2016, 09:13:03 PM
I was just wondering. Is there a way to remove facial hair for a couple of days? I'm desperate to get my face silky smooth to help me with coming out about being transgender.

I pluck my facial hair, yes it is a bit painful until you get use to it but it does last for a few days

I have come across these latex face masks online. Does anyone else use these at all?