Unhappy- had an anxiety ep at my new job so had to finish early. I explained the reason to my manager so now he probably thinks I'm crazy and useless.

Happy- bought some fem clothes and nail polish with the money I received from an article I wrote for an online trans magazine.

Happy - My spouse is making an effort to take care of me at home, while I'm laid up from surgery.

Unhappy - She can't cook worth a damn.  Not even instant oatmeal.  Dear, I know you poured the packet in a bowl and added water.  It really should be HOT water, though, or microwaved until boiling.

Unhappy: I've got another head cold.

Happy: My 3 year old and 1 year old are making monster noises at each-other and entertaining themselves. I think I've been doing too many gollum impressions around them 

Happy: I went to McDonald's with my mother and nephew today. I was making zero effort, not even wearing my binder, with my hair up in a very small ponytail, and the cashier referred to me as "sir". Most of the time, when I'm in public with my family, I feel that people just avoid trying to apply a gender to me at all out of fear of being mistaken, because I try so hard to cloak myself and hide my true identity from my loved ones (it works, sadly. They're VERY oblivious), so this really boosted my self-esteem and alleviated a bit of my dysphoria.

Unhappy: I am still stealth to my family, despite being on hormones for almost half a year now. My nephew reacted by laughing at me, as he saw it as something I should feel embarrassed of. My mother reacted with fury towards the cashier and death glared her so hard, I was shocked that she didn't shoot angry lasers from her eyes and turn her into a pile of ash on the spot. She didn't open her mouth to correct her, but there's no doubt in my mind that after a look so venomous, the cashier knew.

Today my Poopie returned home, he now sits on a shelf with his collar & lead, his favourite toy (a pink pig that goes oink) & his brush.

I've been on a diuretic forever...

Happy:  I finally realized that taking it in the evening before bed was a dumb idea (10 bathroom trips while trying to sleep... bah)

Unhappy:  It took me a decade+ to figure out this incredibly difficult concept.

Last night on the way home from work my brakes failed. With careful driving and judicious use of my parking brake I made it the last short distance home.

This morning I took the tire off and checked the driver's side. One of my brake pads had completely disintegrated so I set off, (in the other car) to buy a replacement set.

Here's where it shifts from tedious and annoying.

I went into AutoZone where I had last bought pads and told the clerk what I needed. He was quite impressed by a woman who does her own brake work and talks knowledgeably about it.

If you can go into an auto parts store, convince them you know what you're doing and still not get misgendered then you have arrived!

Been a while since I last posted as I struggle with it all.

Work has been a pain with so much going on, I hate it and want to find a new job.
Been there over 5 years and they just don't seem to appreciate what I do.

I like that even on low dose E I am beyond the titting point.
Very hard to keep hiding in plain sight as I am her 100% of the time at home.
Body is now well changed and I love it one way and hate it another.
I love how breast feel in a well fitting bra and the shape it gives.

And it that time of the year again.

J

FedEx guy just handed me the pad to sign and I  immediately started writing my old name. 

It is funny, though!    Old habits die hard.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Jenny07 on October 02, 2016, 01:19:21 AM
I am beyond the titting point.

That is the best Freudian typo I've seen in a while. 

I've spent 72 hours straight as myself, just doing little chores, shopping at Target, Trader Joes, Cost Plus.  I had dinner out last night by myself, alas, but no problems. I just lived my life as myself, and that made me happy.

I like being me. 

My family had been out of town, but they just got home, and I'm happy to see them as well.

Alas, for the moment, all good things must end.  While out to my family, they don't want to see ME.  They want the old male persona back, so shortly before they returned, I took myself apart, had a little cry, and then cross dressed as a male so they would be happy with 'me'.  Right now I'm pretty down, damn dysphoria.

I'll be better soon, although at some cost to me.  That makes me unhappy at the thought of the loss of family and friends, but excited at the thought of moving forward, to make new friends, and perhaps someday a new family.

There I go again, living the roller coaster lifestyle...

First laser treatment on the face today.  Yay!

But ouch!

Apartment hunting.  Seeing the possibilities, and thinking about what might be nice to have in a new neighborhood is fun.

The price tags, though... Eeep!  Nice or desirable means expensive.  Affordable means YUCK!

My upper canine teeth didn't develop as expected back in the day and they remain lodged somewhere inside my skull. In order to get braces and gain any glimpe of having a beautiful smile I was told I had to get them surgically removed.

One of them was done today (for some reason they won't remove both on the same operation). It was aggressive, uncomfortable, painful and long but I'm one step closer to having a smile

(Maybe offtopic, I know, but I'm putting this dental stuff into the same bucket as my whole transformation. I probably wouldn't fix my mouth if I were to remain a nontransitioning AMAB)

I hear that, Fresas! Back in the day, even before I realized that I'm a woman I didn't care what I looked like. That should have been a hint, I suppose.

I am off to the salon to have my regular leg wax this afternoon and will have lovely smooth legs again. 

Had to remove my purple toenail polish and since summer is here my wife wants me to wear jandals so no more coloured polish until Autumn

Hope this does creep anyone out too much.

Got honest empathy to work today, very happy to nibble away at more of the damage.
Browsing the news.... empathy is amazingly painful.

Quote from: becky.rw on November 03, 2016, 09:31:42 PM
Hope this does creep anyone out too much.

Got honest empathy to work today, very happy to nibble away at more of the damage.
Browsing the news.... empathy is amazingly painful.

Sorry Becky,
I am unsure of what you mean?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sorry, was a puddle at the time.   When I was stuck in a Testosterone dominant environment, it pretty much broke my access to what I now know as the regular range of emotion and social communication.   I could "fake" it to some extent but I'd never make it, as it were.

Sometimes, I'm finding the experience very good, but very painful.  Being able to really feel how other people feel when I read a story about a family involved with childhood cancer for instance... 

Today I had my first mammogram and my wife had her forth.

Happy: Right of passage of having a mammogram, getting asked when my last menstrual cycle was by the technician, after explaining I don't have a uterus, she asks when did I have a hysterectomy, and they finally saying that I wasn't born with a uterus, I'm transgender.

Unhappy: Mammograms make your boobies sore, especially the side one, ouch and they are still super sensitive and a tad sore.

Very Unhappy: My wife has had a fibrous mass on her left breast that's been there for years and harmless and the doctor ordered a sonogram with her mammogram this year to make sure that area stays that way. The sonogram technician didn't like what she saw on her right breast by the nipple area. She's not allowed to say anything, but her reaction and her scanning detail in just one area concerned both of us. We will know more On Tuesday. Hopefully it's nothing.