I tried to tell my mother several times, but I might as well have been talking to a brick wall with how she completely ignored it, while somehow hearing everything else I said which wasn't related to it. She hears what she wants to hear and doesn't hear that which she does not.

I even demanded that she actually listen to me, but that's apparently ineffective.
I'm leaving my father out of it for now as I'm not in the mood for a shouting match.
I don't think he's transphobic per say, but just about any piece of bad news can really set him off.

may be a letter will help. it forces them to read it.

Uh oh, part of me has started calling myself crazy when I start thinking about this stuff again. Fun.
Oh well, at-least I'm not as depressed. I was absolutely obsessed with those hormones.

Any hour now and I'll go back to screaming for hormones in my head.
If you put a bottle of those pills in-front of me, I'll probably rip into it like a starved lion (not literally).

Quote from: Asheylov on September 19, 2016, 01:33:34 AM
may be a letter will help. it forces them to read it.

I wrote one but it was.... Ignored. I sometimes wonder whether I have to shout through a megaphone to get a response or even some form of acknowledgement of what I just said.

I at-least want a response. Even, "You're crazy!" will do. I can at-least work with that in a screaming match.
She's probably too busy with more important things like playing Pokémon Go than something as trivial as my life changing revelation.

It sounds like she doesn't know how to deal with it, so she avoids the issue entirely, hoping it will just go away.

Something to think about: How long has it taken you to realize you were transgender and accept it, and how long have you given her? 

Hugs, Devlyn

She's hitting plenty of my trigger words (as always really), putting me in a very grumpy mood as I have little patience for people who don't listen. Also, she knows much more about that stupid healthcare stuff than me, so she might actually be helpful, if she actually listened x.x

I honestly think she'd have a stronger response if I told her I was a dragon disguising myself as a human or the reincarnation of the Galactic Overlord Zargon and those two are clearly impossible.

How long it took? That one's a long and complicated story. In short, a decade ago.
Let's just say that ten year old me was an idiot. Well, not exactly, but they didn't have much data to work with and impressions stick.

And then, there's my parents... I probably shouldn't say too much, who knows if she will show up here, knowing my luck. I know that she uses forums, although I doubt she would use this forum. It would be very interesting, if she showed up here raving about how I've gone insane or something.

What to do? Should I just bug her about it every week?

Quote from: Xirafel on September 19, 2016, 01:05:31 AM
I tried to tell my mother several times, but I might as well have been talking to a brick wall with how she completely ignored it, while somehow hearing everything else I said which wasn't related to it. She hears what she wants to hear and doesn't hear that which she does not.

I even demanded that she actually listen to me, but that's apparently ineffective.
I'm leaving my father out of it for now as I'm not in the mood for a shouting match.
I don't think he's transphobic per say, but just about any piece of bad news can really set him off.

Depending on the level of stubbornness it's going to be hard to get them to listen
but it is never impossible i'm not sure how to help or what to say on this but i do wish you luck.
Sometimes its just about you not your parents view just remember that.

She's so maddening. To put it more accurately, when I came out, I was practically begging her for help.
Infuriating. Annoying. I'd be better off dead than dealing with this ****.

Practically anything would be better than this. Gay. Bisexual. It's not like they would ever have to suffer visible changes to their body or be discriminated against unless they're being blatantly obvious about it. I don't even have that option. It's just dysphoria to death or discrimination to death.

Some people say that it was before I was born or whatever, but I still blame those evil doctors for messing me up. I really should sue them for every last scrap of cash they have on their miserable bodies for destroying my life. I'm no better than the pieces of scrap around me which people call computers.

Hormones? Surgery? What a pointless delusion. All it will do is take me down a one way trip to hell where every person on the streets of Brisbane will look down on me as an ugly freak show.
No doubt that they would treat me like the subhuman piece of trash that I am.
They should have just finished the job and let me slip into the void.

Will hormones make my brain function normally? Maybe, but I will slip into depression the instant I'm treated like a freak, assuming I can even find employment and don't end up on the streets begging for money from the very people who will treat me like a piece of trash lower than a maggot.

I might as-well just kill myself and spare myself the eternity in darkness ahead of me.

I spent from age 13 to age 23 knowing that treatment wasn't possible because there was only one place in the country to receive it, the money didn't exist to pay for it and it was located over 2000 miles away from me. The next 5 year were spent as an adult attempting to find a treatment program worth it's salt. At 28 I finally found the program and at 30 I completed my transition. The depression reached the point where I was inches away from taking my life. All those years I had to contain it and live with it but through out those years, I kept my eye on the goal of completing my transition. You are far luckier than I am. While you may not be able to access it, it exist and the path to it is far shorter than mine was.

Suicide is something not to be considered lightly. It is a long term solution to a short term problem. It is something to consider only when there is no other option. The one thing that stopped me from ending my life what the though I hadn't tried everything yet. I didn't have a clue if it was possible for me to receive treatment or how to do it but it might be possible. In your case, there is a bright future ahead of you but it may be a little difficult to reach at the moment. I would have traded the path you face for the path I faced in a moment where it possible.

No the doctors didn't mess you up and if you think about it, I suspect you will see signs from a very early age that you were different. I know when I look at my life before age 13 I can see things from my life as early as age 4 or 5 were I was exhibiting feminine behavior. They were small things that are easy to over look and my  parents and teacher always though I was an extremely nice and polite boy but they would have expected that type of behavior from a girl. It goes to show you that their is a difference between boys and girls even at a very early age.

As for the thought of being treated like a freak, it doesn't happen. Though I attempted speech therapy, for years I walked around with a very low voice because my starting point was so low. In all those years I was probably read often but nobody ever gave me a single rude remark. People are far more accepting than you are giving them credit for and you are giving your self very little credit for your ability to overcome the obstacles you may face in the future.

Humans are extremely evil and selfish creatures.

Throughout my life, I have been bullied and messed with by countless so called humans trying to make a quick buck off me, giving themselves some quick self-satisfaction or to get ahead in their careers.

Quack psychologists pushing their "solutions" to fix me, bad mouthed doctors screaming at me for asking them to do their jobs, people constantly plotting against me and when I was a child being bullied. My life has been a waste. Anymore would be dragging out this farce of an existence.

In today's age in particular, we're entering an age where transgendered individuals are seen as predators sneaking into bathrooms and molesting children. I would rather be dead than be equated to a worthless child rapist.

People do judge. I remember one day at school many years ago when the school was absolutely freaking out because some Muslim kid brought a rucksack and they thought it contained a bomb because that's what the media told them to think.

Additionally, I mentioned before that the doctors messed me up upon birth.

Quote from: Dena on September 22, 2016, 11:01:30 AM
I know when I look at my life before age 13 I can see things from my life as early as age 4 or 5 were I was exhibiting feminine behavior. They were small things that are easy to over look and my  parents and teacher always though I was an extremely nice and polite boy but they would have expected that type of behavior from a girl. It goes to show you that their is a difference between boys and girls even at a very early age.

Well, four and five are really early, so I can't remember anything from then. What do you call it? Childhood amnesia?

I can only remember nine where I presented as female on internet forums and other things. After that, I remember moving countries, being extremely timid and not doing that anymore.

And my parents are oblivious to well... Everything. Even when I was suicidal when I was a young teenager, although I internally blamed it on my grandparent's death to rationalise it and some bullying.

That depression lasted for a really, really long time. A really, really long time.

I was really smart, apparently. Or so people claim, but they could be lying. But, I got poorer grades because I was too depressed to study. Schools are evil too. And they knew it, it was practically impossible for them to not know.

You probably should ignore me. I must be annoying you with my venting.

We retain memories that are important to us and discard the ones that are not. In addition, the brain is growing a reshaping it's self and in the process, memories are lost. The farther back I go, the fewer memories I have but one of the strongest ones was from an eye operation. I had a great deal of fear and the fear helped me retain that memory.

I have an above average IQ but in school I didn't do well. Some of it was because of the school system but much of it was because life didn't make sense to me. Before age 13, the behavior that is engrained in us, I had to learn. Why are things done the way they were. After age 13 I understood but the depression kicked in and that was worst. Doing school work with a quarter of your brain while the remainder is attempting to deal with depression just doesn't work well.

In reality, there isn't that much difference between us and many of the others on the forum. I know treatment is going to be delayed for you but it will be a short wait. Given some time you will be rid of the depression once and for all. Take it from me, it will be worth the wait.

Update, update. I have a really strange feeling.

He said that he doesn't care what I am like and will support me no matter what, although he still hit my trigger words.  She specifically said that she didn't tell him about what I told her, so it's probably about something else.

What she said was really weird and difficult to understand, but I what I could tell is that she's twisted what I said in her head into something more convenient for her.

Parents can be good at hearing what they want.

Quote from: rickkie on September 27, 2016, 06:12:23 AM
Parents can be good at hearing what they want.

If only there was something I could do about that, I'm stuck in a hotel room with them for a while (x.x) and unlike before I can't just hide in a room to escape from the harsh reality around me.
The moment they start talking, I flinch in anticipation at what they'll say. It's just hell.

Hugs.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: rickkie on September 28, 2016, 05:40:45 AM
Hugs.

Thank you. I've finally escaped from that wretched place and entered my own little world in an isolated room.
No need to worry about those triggers walking around or stupid things people like to say.
Not a single mirror in sight in here. If only I could stay in here forever... Who needs society...

Now that I'm out of that place, I've got to come up with a new plan for convincing her, I suppose...

Quote from: Dena on September 26, 2016, 12:01:43 PM
We retain memories that are important to us and discard the ones that are not.

Even when I was 12, I couldn't recall those memories.
What I do remember is that I was actually happy for once when I was nine. Shocking for someone as depressing as me.

Quote from: Xirafel on October 03, 2016, 03:55:27 AM
Even when I was 12, I couldn't recall those memories.
What I do remember is that I was actually happy for once when I was nine. Shocking for someone as depressing as me.

well the mind is also in the habbit of protecting itself too, i have dozens of gaps in my younger years.. hold on like Dena said, everything she said was spot on. your parents may be listening to you but not hearing you.. it realy is a short window in your life..and your not as bad as they make out, that sounds like a manipulation technique.. making them out to be the victim and you the big bad wolf.

Okay, I pushed really hard today for the doctor / psychologist.

She might be onto me, as I came out to her before and I keep going on about how I need it for "anxiety". They found it strange that I was smiling so much about the prospect of going to a doctor. Stupid facial expressions x.x

She even pulled me over for a short private words where she said, "I would tell him, if I were you. He wants to help you." She shows no signs of avoiding my triggers, etc. so I can't help to doubt that she means what I think she does.

It might just be wishful thinking. For one, she could have twisted the meaning of what I said in her head again. Also, he's much more of an argumentative type, so she might want to pull him in for support against me.

I'll see how it goes.