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My VFS Journey

Started by Miss Lux, September 18, 2016, 11:50:27 PM

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EmilyMK03

You are only 5'2"?  Wow!  I'm so jealous of your height.  At 5'7", I feel like a giant amongst other Asians, and I'm very self-conscious about it.  :(

Regarding your "tone deaf" comment, did you have any musical training as a child?  I played a lot of violin when I was a child and through high school, and I think that helped me a lot with my own feminine vocal training.  It certainly helps to have a musical background, whether it's instrumental or vocal training early in life.  I can understand how it could be difficult otherwise.

Also, regarding the DIY voice feminization videos... at first I tried the Andrea James DVD, which didn't work for me at all.  I also tried the Kathe Perez 30-day crash course, but it didn't really help either.  It did lay down the foundation for my future training with my private instructor (so I guess it was kind of worth it, in a way), but the Kathe Perez 30-day course by itself did not end up giving me a feminine voice at all.  Not even close.

Regardless of what you end up deciding, I hope only the best for you!  You are already very lucky to be both slim and short!  I can't imagine how much more wonderful it will be for you to have a voice that matches how you feel inside!  :)
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kwala

Just to give you some perspective,  if you haven't read up on my story,  Dr. Haben performed what other doctors have called a "hack job"  on my voice which has left me with permanent scarring after his glottoplasty. Two corrective operations later and I finally have some volume back but I no longer have access to my higher range and my cords are stiff and permanently scarred. So, although I am louder and more easily understood, I still have incredible hoarseness. I sound like a man with a bad cold. I wish you luck with whatever you decide, and I won't discount the fact that Dr. Haben has produced many successful outcomes. I'd just like to pass on the fact that even with modern techniques, things can go horribly wrong.  I hope that doesn't sound too negative, I just thought I should mention it because if I had read about a case like mine I would have left well enough alone.
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EmilyMK03

Kwala, I'm sooo sorry to hear about what happened with your voice surgery.  There is always a risk with any surgery (even FFS and BA), and I clearly remember signing the multitude of consent forms before my FFS surgery that explained all the possible negative outcomes and side effects, including... death!!

Personally, I just feel that voice surgery is too risky and should be done only as an absolute last resort.  IMO it's better to train for months or even years with a vocal trainer or two, or three, even over Skype, before moving on to surgery as a last-ditch effort.

Kwala, may I ask when your initial vocal surgery was performed?  Maybe Dr. Haben has improved his techniques since then?
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kwala

Emily, I agree with you absolutely, especially now.  Voice surgery should be a last option.  In my emails with Dr. Haben he basically told me that, other than the normal risks with anesthesia, the worst outcome he has experienced in a patient is no pitch alteration, or not as much as the patient had hoped for.  I wish I could say that my surgery was ten years ago and his technique had advanced but, sadly, it was only last October that I had my operation. I'll reach the one year mark in a few weeks.

I have been meeting with a speech pathologist to help work through the scarring but even she admitted to me that the hoarseness will most likely never completely go away. My cords are just too scarred and not physically able to vibrate normally.

Believe me, I really, REALLY hate to come here to post about a horrific experience and I don't want to scare people! I just think it's important to know the risks. No waiver I signed ever mentioned anything like this.
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Miss Lux

Thanks Emily... Thanks Kwala....Kwala, I read your experience and geekgirl's experience before deciding... It made me rethink and delayed my decision, which I think is for the better and your  experiences truly gives our sisters a better look on what they are getting into amidst the raving promotions and positive reviews....but I guess this is something that I believe I really need and for me it is just Yeson or Haben...I was truly turned off with Yeson's unprofessionalism from the very start..... So I guess Haben it is...I just hope my experience would be a positive one.....
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Miss Lux

#25
Emily, yes I am just 5'2 and I always wear heels all the time.... 5'7 is my dream/ ideal height! If only we can exchange heights hahaha.... I think a height of 5'7 wld have opened more doors for me... I think 5'7 is the perfect ht for a girl not too tall not too short... You can model, u can be statueque if you want just wear heels, you'll look good with flats too... Easier to be a head turner beauty, it's modelesque  etc hihihi... I had piano lessons before but i think music isn't really something I have any competency lol... I had D Andrea James- too technical for me dint help at all same with the Kathy Perez... The Melanie Philipps helped a little together with the you tube videos... I got d best results from researching on tongue placement and mouth shaping etc....
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EmilyMK03

Quote from: Miss Lux on September 24, 2016, 01:00:10 AM
Emily, yes I am just 5'2 and I always wear heels all the time.... 5'7 is my dream/ ideal height! If only we can exchange heights hahaha.... I think a height of 5'7 wld have opened more doors for me... I think 5'7 is the perfect ht for a girl not too tall not too short... You can model, u can be statueque if you want just wear heels, you'll look good with flats too... Easier to be a head turner beauty, it's modelesque  etc

LOL!  Thank you for saying that, it really lifted my spirits.  :)  Maybe we always wish to have what we cannot have... hehe.

Ok, I looked back at some of your earlier posts in this thread and understand that you live near the LA area?  I have a very dear Asian friend who lives in Newport Beach.  She occasionally comes to Chicago for professional conferences, so we've met in-person too.  Anyway, she is also a TS woman, and she has the most natural sounding female voice!  Way better than me!  In fact, she told me a story once about how she was talking to someone in person, face to face, and told them that she is transgender.  And they were like, "what?  you're going to transition from being a woman to a man?"  HAHAHA!!  Her appearances and voice passes THAT well!

She trained with a local voice trainer, and has nothing but praise for her vocal instructor.  I'll contact my friend and ask for the voice trainer's contact information.  Then I'll pass it along to you.  You may yet have some success with voice training, and an excellent one who happens to be nearby!  :)
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Miss Lux

Thanks Emily! Though Newport is around 2/3 hrs drive from where I am but maybe i can do skype lessons :) btw I am all set for my vfs - paid deposit, plane etc but I know I'll need voice lessons even after surgery....
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Miss Lux

For the girls that had the VFS can you please give me tips on preventing coughing? I am really worried with premature suture breakage....
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Dena

Start now figuring out the foods that may cause a cough, spicy hot food or chocolate are ones to watch out for. Soups and drinking a bunch of fluid help.

Keep plenty of ice water available and take small sips, warm it in your mouth to cool then swallow. Warm beverages like tea or coffee may help as well but if it's hot, allow it to cool before swallowing.

Avoid cold dry air and if it's a big issue for you, you might look into an inexpensive humidifier.

When mucus builds up which it will, lean forward and exhale with your vocal cords open.

Dr Haben will give you some really strong cough medicine that will last for seven days. Don't overdose on it because it's really bad stuff but if you have issues with coughing, request a second bottle before you leave. I only used one dose because Dr Haben suggested I do it before my flight and that was a big mistake, I wanted to put my head down and in the small seats center seat, there was no place to do it. By the way, you  will have to check your bag with the cough medicine so you will need to take a dose before checking the bag.

Sleep on your side and use the pillow to keep your mouth closed. Breathing through your mouth will make you want to cough.

Start now learning how to suppress coughs. I spent the week before surgery resisting the urge to cough to reduce the risk of slipping up after surgery.

Most of all, the sutures can take some abuse and Dr. Haben's words are control the things you can and don't worry about the things you can't. The few failed surgeries I have seen so far were because the folds didn't heal together correctly and not because of suture failure however movement of the folds against each other might prevent proper healing.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
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kwala

Lots and lots (and lots) of water!

Wishing you well during your surgery and beyond :)
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Dena

An additional thought. I went into surgery knowing that I would not exit with a perfect voice. Dr Haben found that my vocal cords weren't the same length and it would result in a roughness in my voice. This is something that I appeared to work around in my male voice so I felt it was an acceptable risk. A secondary condition for me was with my GCS. They ran a wire from the top of my vagina out through my abdomen in order to retain the depth for the 6 days after surgery. It was referred to as the Biber belly button. After the wire was removed, I had proud flesh at that spot for many (like 20) years after surgery. I suspected that could be the case for my voice surgery as well but I haven't had a camera down there for a look. All of this was beyond Dr Haben's control and I was aware of that before surgery.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber
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EmilyMK03

Quote from: Dena on September 24, 2016, 09:24:45 AM
Start now learning how to suppress coughs. I spent the week before surgery resisting the urge to cough to reduce the risk of slipping up after surgery.

Quote from: kwala on September 24, 2016, 09:25:04 AM
Lots and lots (and lots) of water!

These two points are actually really important in training and developing a female voice too.  When you are training to develop a feminine voice, you're working out the muscles in and around your throat.  Coughing and clearing your throat actually ends up building up more mucus around your vocal folds, which makes you want to cough again.  It's a vicious cycle.  Instead, you must learn to suppress your natural instinct to cough and drink lots of water instead.  Drinking water regularly all day long will keep the vocal folds hydrated without allowing mucus to build.

Incidentally, this is the same type of advice given to professional singers (because they are working out their vocal muscles too!)  Coughing/clearing your throat is just a bad thing no matter how you use your voice.

My voice trainer taught these concepts to me.  Not only does she have years of experience training trans women (and trans men) in developing their authentic voice, she also has years of experience instructing cis singers.  In addition, she's professionally trained both as a singer and in private instruction techniques (she has a Master's degree in Music, with a focus on Vocal Performance and Pedagogy).  She carries a huge water bottle with her all the time and drinks constantly.  At one meeting, she said that she hadn't coughed or cleared her throat, not even once, in 3+ weeks.

As trans women, we are also "singers", in a way.  So take these concepts to heart and learn to stop throat clearing.  :)

For additional information about throat clearing and how it's damaging to your voice, read this article:
http://www.sltinfo.com/stop-throat-clearing/
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Miss Lux

Thank you so much for all the tips!!!!

Dena - we are not allowed to take cough syrup in our carry on bag?
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Dena

You are not allowed large quantities of any liquid. Check the rules as I am not sure what the restrictions are. I was going by what Dr Haben said and I didn't want to risk losing the bottle to security as it couldn't be replaced.  They sell mini shampoo and tooth paste in the drug stores that you may take in carry on. If you have CTA there are weight lifting restrictions so you may not be able to get you luggage in the overhead. In addition, I had to spend over 2 hours in Florida on the return trip and I didn't want to be dragging my luggage all around the airport.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber
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Miss Lux

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GeekGirl

Quote from: Miss Lux on September 23, 2016, 03:42:37 AM
Thanks Emily... i wish they have that kind of voice lessons in Los Angeles... i've been searching before for trans voice lessons but could'nt find one closeby but recently I've seen a few...I think I'll go for  the lessons after surgery... I dnt really get a lot of feedbacks about my voice since I am stealth but like you I  can intuitively sense it when Someone notices that my voice doesnt match the way I look but Pretty much pass almost always but I know in myself that i need some help from vfs... Ive tried several DIY voice feminization videos but I don't think it really helped. I think I am someone you can call as "tone deaf" ... I improved my voice more from research and intellectual approach like tongue placement etc and it worked to some extent but i have to put so much effort and it completely fails me when I have extremes of emotions or gets too relaxed or comfortable with the persom I am talking to.... Btw I am a skinny  petite -5'2 Asian Meztiza/ mix so I guess people are expecting to hear a higher pitched voice .

Like every surgery, VFS is such a personal thing. I know an Asian transgirl in the Philly community who is 5'2, really petite, pretty, and has a really deep voice. She's never bothered to correct it and probably never will because she has physical gifts that many transgirls don't. When she speaks, she pitches her voice up and acts very demure and anime-like, which works for her look. She's never been clocked. Occasionally, her unprocessed voice creeps out, but nobody cares because for the first few paragraphs of speech, she's already convinced people she's female.

It's that first impression that causes us to pass or not pass. But I sympathize with you. I had to really work on my voice to get it from bad to somewhat okay. At least now with VFS, I have a little bit of a head start so I can turn sort of okay to good.
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Miss Lux

Geekgirl,
I read your VfS experience and listened to your voice updates..... your voice is already feminine a huge difference from your original voice... I am so happy for you!
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GeekGirl

Quote from: Miss Lux on September 25, 2016, 09:18:16 AM
Geekgirl,
I read your VfS experience and listened to your voice updates..... your voice is already feminine a huge difference from your original voice... I am so happy for you!

Thanks Miss Lux!

What's really funny is I have people around me who talk to me on a daily basis and people whom I speak with maybe once every few weeks. The people I hang around with daily think my voice hasn't changed much at all. The people I don't speak to regularly hear a big change. A voice change is pretty much like a mini-transition. People around you will get used to it over time.

Sadly, the only thing I miss is my singing range... but if I were to weigh the pros and cons of voice surgery, I would say there are certainly more pros than cons for me.
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Miss Lux

Haben girls,

I emailed Dr. haben's office about the Marriot hotel reservations and pre-op instructions. Julie informed me that someone will call me to discuss hotel arrangements and pre- op instructions.

-Around when will I get a call from Dr. Haben's office regarding my Marriot hotel reservation arrangements?
- Around  When will someone call  me about pre-op instructions, stop taking certain meds etc?
- if I don't bring my own mouth guard/ teeth protector will they provide one?

Thanks much!
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