i will try to explain this as best as i can, at times i find my mind constantly over-writing information in other words forgetting very quickly at times, on the other hand i can have a brilliant memory however.. i apologise if something doesn't make sense, if you are in doubt or i confuse you please ask and i will explain more accurately .


I've been battling my feelings for some years now and have finally come to terms with who i am, I've visited my GP who in turn refereed me to a GIC therapist, I've been placed on a 8 month waiting list from the letters date i received in the post, 6th/May/2016, i remember thinking brilliant so this is the first step. now this is the part where i need some help or understanding as i feel that it swirling around in my head is not helping its driving me complete crackers because my mind can't find a logical answer, i read the does and don't of HRT, also fully aware that smoking is a big no no as the nicotine interferes with the estrogen released into the body, so i found this my biggest issue to begin with but began cutting down and till i refused to buy tobacco or cigarettes anymore it was not to be such a massive issue then as i have had a lot of commitment in my life also helping other commit to the goals and become successful, so i quit smoking after starting when i was 18 well.. 17 and stopped on November the 15th 2015, although I'm not happy as I'm on a vape so silly me is still depending on a nicotine fix i really hate it, i actually manage to completely pack up for a week i read somewhere online that by drinking lots of water helps flush the remaining nicotine out of your system, however i let my self down when i went to my mums at the weekend as she smokes, however i find that no excuse and i should have carried on, i know i can do it now because i wouldn't have done it the first time otherwise, but I'll keep going till i pack in the habit my hope is to deter myself off the vapes with something else of interest without nicotine in, if anyone has any ideas that could help me please say would be very grateful .  the other part that really confuses me is the sexual orientation side of HRT some people say there's a slight chance that it could up and walk out on you basically i class my self as liking women, right now but at the end or halfway through hrt i could find my self either bisexual from some of the sources online or just liking guys, I'll be honest i have no clue on sexual orientations and how they work I've not had many relationships in my life due to different reasons, that being said if i place my self in a position where I'm to think about males in the same sexual way i would a female its almost like my mind gets to a certain point and shuts of off like a metal block, surely if I'm straight then those thoughts wouldn't even encounter my mind full stop. really... honestly what is going on because i can't make any sense of this its something that I've tried to figure out but i just can't. if someone could help or explain theses feelings again i would be grateful. i apologist for the massive essay.

Alexa

Welcome to Susan's Place. The danger with smoking and HRT is it can elevate your risk of blood clots. I think vaping would present the same risk as smoking. When you quit, it takes about a week to get over the physical addiction but could take a year or more to get over the mental addiction. There are programs that can help you with this and you should consider checking them out if you are having difficulty quitting.

As for sexual preference, that will remain the same. What can happen is if you are suppressing your attraction, the transition may free you from the suppression allowing your true feeling to come out. I have seen MTF on the site who before treatment were in the company of women but weren't really attracted to them. In treatment they felt free to explore men and thus the appearance of flipping but not really.

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I admire your fortitude as quitting smoking is often a marathon and not a sprint. I was able to quit cold turkey because I realized how selfish I was being and I realized my children were my "higher power" and they deserved a lifetime with their Dad. I don't suggest going out and having children but if you can find something or someone you think is worthy. Why not do it for them? In the long run you will be glad you did. I often think my kids saved my life. Once again they came to my rescue when I came out to them. I have stopped fighting within myself and have been on HRT for a month and a half.  As my son told me. "Dad you got to be yourself" My daughter asked if I was still going to be her Dad. I assured her I would. She then threw her arms around me and gave a big hug. I'm going to pass that hug to you. Metaphorically that is. 

aww thank you DawnOday really means a lot and i wish you all the best in you're journey, I'm still at the beginning of mine, i once though that i should maybe quit for my brother as i don't have many family or friends to talk to, been classed as a outsider which can hurt at times


and thank you Dena for your response you really put my unanswered questions in a new light which has helped me understand a little more

i Wish you all the best

Alexa

Hey Alexa.  I'm 27 as well and just started hormones a few weeks ago.  I was a former heavy smoker, 2 packs of reds a day.  I had cut down dramatically before hrt.  My Dr told me at the appointment that she would take me off hormones if she suspected I had started smoking again.  I have found that my hrt has calmed my anxiety quite a bit and has reduced my cravings to smoke.  I knew a girl in my old city that got a blood clot from smoking on hrt.  She had to quit estrogen for a few months. 

I'd smoked since i was 17 so I'm not sure how much of a impact that will have on me. at the moment I'm still using a vape, but i don't trust the online sources to sell e-liquids without nicotine in after all nicotine its self in its form is poisonous to the human body, I'm hoping to quit my vape in the next month and the GIC clinic said i should get a response for my referral in march next year still feels like a long wait but will give me time to completely rid my self of vaping.

Hello Alexa,

My story is from the eyes of a now 68 year old trans woman and thus is from a different viewpoint. I smoked heavily starting at the age 13 until I met my wife to be at 35. She had (and still has) a strong allergic response to smoke. So I quit, cold turkey. She was more important to me than smoking and that made it easy. Perhaps you can do the same thing to honor Alexa.

As for sex, I had always had a very high sex drive. I needed a lot of very regular relief from age ~12ish to 68 (probably tmi). HRT has changed all that. It has not changed my orientation at all but it has dropped the urgency or drive down to zero. Amazing what a T level below 5 will do. Obviously 27 is different than 68 and your mileage is guarantied to vary, but your sexuality may prove to be less of an issue than you think.

Enjoy your journey,
Anne

thank you for the nice response Ann, i think i may have to quit in the same way for someone i care about.. my mums quit as well shes been on vapers alot longer than me though so i could do it for her or my brother as he don't smoke at all, i know i have a very exciting and long journey ahead that being said all journeys have there challenges and i believe the smoking issue weather it be normal tobacco or vapers to be one of many challenges i'm going to be faced with.

thanks again

Alexa

Alexa, here I go again, giving advice rather than just answering queries...but.... Just a very little thing, you use the word "challenges" and to me, those are things that I may or may not be able to overcome. These are winning or losing sorts of things. I prefer to look at them as "Opportunities", some things that, when you chose to pursue them, can only get better. Addressing smoking as an opportunity to take the next step on Alexa's journey suggests up and to the right rather than a struggle. And I promise you that, as you continue along this amazing journey, you are going to be presented with bucket loads of opportunities to experience the wondrous magic of Alexa's new life. You have begun the journey, taken the first steps, you are on your way. Everything from here on out are opportunities to experience life more fully....losing or failure is not even in the cards.

Please forgive the rantings of an old lady. I am afraid that the emotions are running the farm today.

Anne

Its ok i sometimes word things incorrectly, opportunists seem to fit in well and i believe i have a lot to discover



Alexa

Also consider that if you ever want surgery (such as FFS), you will need to stop smoking.  My FFS surgeon outright refuses to operate on anyone who is smoking, because of the risks involved.  It would be better to stop smoking long in advance, because planning or recovering from surgery while also trying to kick a nicotine habit would make things exponentially more difficult.

Quote from: Alexa08 on September 28, 2016, 09:47:56 PM
I'd smoked since i was 17 so I'm not sure how much of a impact that will have on me. at the moment I'm still using a vape, but i don't trust the online sources to sell e-liquids without nicotine in after all nicotine its self in its form is poisonous to the human body, I'm hoping to quit my vape in the next month and the GIC clinic said i should get a response for my referral in march next year still feels like a long wait but will give me time to completely rid my self of vaping.

Good luck stopping vaping!  I was never able to stop my brief stints with vaping without going back to tobacco.  Also, nicotine in an of itself can increase atherosclerosis and damage blood vessels, not just when present in tobacco smoke.  Good luck.  I started at 14, full time at 18, quit at 27.  You can do it!

Smoking also reduces the effectiveness of the hormones when they are taken orally, there is less that ends up in the blood so feminization is also compromised.

thank you for your responses, I'm hopeful and determined to give it all i have what have i to loose by quitting completely there's no gain from smoking and quitting wouldn't clear up the mess its made over the years but certainly help my overall heath i should also be starting a membership at my local gym next week, this is to help me get out and about more as i confine my self indoors a lot due to anxiety, i still go out but not as much as I'd maybe like to. 

Alexa