I'd be interested to hear the experiences of anyone who's undergone or considering transitioning who didn't think they would at the outset. Maybe people who just started dressing without thinking it would go any further and then got deeper and deeper into things.

I fully dressed up very occasionally a few times a year. Had female underwear i would wear at nights once a week while my wife was in bed. A few years ago i had a discussion with my wife about wearing female underwear full-time she just dismissed it. Then last year things just happened in my head it wasn't a want to do these but a need.
I looked into a lot of things and did research it was at that point i discovered i was transgender. Then i had to tell my wife.
After that it was where do i want to go. Hrt was a must and now i have been on hrt for 8 months. I didn't see any of this coming if i had i would of started earlier.

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I dressed in urban/grunge/feminine clothes, feminine/androgynous clothes and tomboy clothes for two decades before i transitioned. I'd been wearing panties since my teens. I got married in stockings, garters, panties and bralette under my tux. I refused to admit i was anything other than a feminine or quirky guy.

At various times i also rejected the term of crossdresser because "those people dress a lot more feminine then i do "

Then some years back, i started to admit to myself with therapy, I've been a girl all along and i needed to transition.

I've known I was trans for about four or five years and have been adamant that I wasn't going to transition.

Something happened last year and at the end of the year I decided to transition. I'm not quite sure what happened but the feelings just got stronger and stronger all year until I just had to do something about it.

I've not been on HRT for 8 months and have had laser and am working on electrolysis and plan on socially transitioning next summer, provided my boobs don't out me before then.

Jx

Ya, I never thought I would, or could. I figured out that I was transgender (though we didn't call it that back in the 70's) in my late 20's. Information was hard to find back then but from what I did learn the requirements of seeing a psychiatrist for a year and living as a woman for a year before they would even consider giving you hormones scared me to death! There was no way I could live as a woman if there was a chance someone could discover I was not a "real female" so I buried my feelings and desires for over 30 years.

Then a couple of years ago something happened, I discovered informed consent. Well, I was only a few years from retirement so I decided I would start HRT and then maybe in a few years (around when I retire) if I've become more feminine looking I could come out and live full time as myself.

I had done my research and pretty much knew the effects of HRT, but the mental effects were much greater than I expected. The absolute need to pass 100% just wasn't such a big deal anymore. After 6 months I told some close friends that I was transitioning, they turned out to be very accepting and supportive. Three months after that I was living full time outside of work and that meant living the dual life. About 2-3 weeks of the dual lifestyle was all I could take, I had to come out at work.

All of the bad things I was told could happen and I expected to happen, never did. Work was very accepting and supportive! I still took a month to transition at work, mostly to give co-workers a chance to get used to the new me. So there I was, 10 months after starting HRT, living full time and doing rather well.

I wonder what would have happened had I cracked up my courage 30 years ago and transitioned then. No sense in dwelling on it as I can't change it, but if I had it to do over again, I would find the courage!

Yes, my story is similar.  I just thought I was a strange guy.  I cross-dressed for about ten years, and guessed that I might be trans.  But my internal transphobia and the perceived impossibility of dealing with transition (especially "What will everyone think?") let me deep into denial.

So here I am, 20 years later, hoping to start HRT before the end of the year, planning to come out publicly in the spring, and contemplating GRS in my future.

I am 67 years old and post op less than a year. I knew I had a problem since a very early age. I tried my best to be a man, but those feelings never went away and I was miserable.

Lets fast forward a lifetime and I started having prostate problems. The damn thing hurt. I tried standard medical treatments to no complete relief. Then I tried estradiol and I never looked back. I feel much better now and by the way, I only crossdressed occasionally. For me it was about being, not so much as appearance.

Also i think knowing it at a young age and accepting it are two different things. ( as opposed to fighting yourself about it is probably common) In hindsight i always knew i was a girl, i just refused to confront it properly.

Being transgender is not a choice, but deciding to live an authentic life is.  There are so many factors that go into making that choice.  It's not surprising to me that many wait as long as they do.  We each have our own tipping point.  Some of us reach it early, some later, some never. 

Yeah, that's kind of a tricky one. Clara Kay said it best, "...transgender is not a choice, but deciding to live an authentic life is..."

I already transitioned a couple times. I transitioned after HRT to get to GRS, then life events happened where I chose to transition back to my former self again. That sucked, but it was good. I know that doesn't make sense...

But now I find myself kind of following my own flow, and I seem to be transitioning back to me again. I am post op, for about 25 years now. Just sayin'.

For bizarre reasons, it was determined I needed hormones again, since I am Osteopenic etc... I foolishly went with straight 'T', and soon remembered what my dysphoria was all about in the first place. Pretty bad scene. I took 'T' for about 6 weeks, then quit taking it for about 6 weeks, then after talking with my GP again, started Estradiol. The patch started at <dosage not allowed>, but today I started at <dosage not allowed>.

Anyways, to get to the point, I find my self finding myself again. I feel better, calmer, more honest and really wanting to transition again. I really don't know if I will/can or not fully re-transition, but I don't expect to again. But here I am going down a familiar road. Other than Susans Place, I am strictly on my own.

So, I never thought I would, but if I continue on this track, I will. Hard decisions coming up. Weird story.

Moderator Edit

Regarding Dreams:
I've been thinking about this for a while. Thought I would put it here to think about, because it definitely fits the Topic.
Sometimes, dreams defy logic. Sometimes they define it. Can dreams come true? I don't remember much about my dreams before I transitioned or started taking hormones. Mostly they were about flying and such. Pretty cool, but really who would want to be a pigeon? I never paid much attention to my gender identity in my dreams at the time. In fact I didn't till just lately.
After HRT and transition, my dreams started taking on a different tone. Sure there were the lucid flying dreams I sort of controlled, but then there were the recurring dreams. These would start off in a familiar place I had been to years ago, and usually involved jeeps turning into tanks, dry lake beds, and me sitting in the middle of some kind of artillery field. There were different men and women involved, but I never identified them. These all started in the mid -80's, transition and HRT time. I never identified myself as male or female then either. Hmmmmm...
In the mid 90's, some years after GRS, the dreams changed a little. I had decided to detransition. The basic part of the dreams were the same, a little flying, and all the rest of the stuff, but after my de-transition, I found myself being Tanya in my dreams. Me.
As time went on, I was me more and more in my dreams, which was quite all right. But since I was in my altar ego male role at the time, I was noticing more. My dreams seemed to be catching me up to my real age, and my clothing choices became more evident and harder to hide. Eventually, it got to the point that I decided to get me to the apothecary and invest in some 'T' to settle me down. That really backfired, as my dreams became more and more insistent on releasing the male id. The super ego was getting weaker, and it was really starting to work on me.
As soon as I began Estrogen again, my dreams returned to the more comfortable state of me just being me again. I am free from that guilt trip again. Weird, huh?
Not only that, but I also don't need to deny who I am to the world anymore. I am carrying on with what appears to be a re-transition to being Tanya. I will quit coming out when I am out enough. Getting weirderer. And I love it.

I'd actually pretty much blocked out the though of ever transitioning, even if it was eating me alive without me realizing it.

Only after a somewhat emotional conversation with a friend did I suddenly find myself telling them about this buried pain I was carrying.  Afterwords I felt like a mountain had been lifted from my shoulders and I realized if I wanted to be happy I had to pursue transition.  It was like the scales finally tipped, it was a lot harder to live as a guy than the difficulties I faced being myself through transitioning.  It hasn't been easy but every step I've made towards being my authentic self has made me glad to be alive.

As for clothing, while I was always fascinated by women's clothing I never actually had much interest in wearing any previous to transitioning.  I've always been pretty minimalist with clothing, most days I'm fine with a simple t-shirt and jeans.  I do admit I never liked men's clothing and these days I loath the very idea of ever wearing them again.

I had a pretty strange upbringing that pointed to my true nature, but I didn't know what I was.  At age 15 I had medical treatments that included testosterone injections and counseling from a parish priest that supposedly cured me of my sinful ways.  Off to college, met my wife, married, Navy duty, and then a tech career.

When I was 32, I think, i was interviewing people for a technical position on my team.  One of the interviewees was a transwoman in early transition, with an unfortunate heavy beard that was obvious by the afternoon of our long interview process.  I interviewed her, and thought she was a reasonable fit, but at one point i had the thought "She's so brave.  I wish I could do that."  Wait... WHAT?!??   My sneaky subconscious had just dropped the T-bomb on me.

In spite of long dark nights thinking about this, I was married with small children, and tried to bury my thoughts, feelings (and myself!), thinking I would hide and take my 'perversion' secret to the grave.  Every once in a while I'd dress for a few times, then purge, holding off for years sometimes.  The intervals came closer together over they decades, until for the last 10 years or so I'd dress, nothing fancy, just briefs and a cami, early every morning for a couple hours while I was alone in the house and my spouse was at her early morning job.  Yes, I'd get up before dawn, dress and go back to sleep dressed.  That was the only real rest I'd get many nights.

That lasted until last March when I found myself planning my suicide in detail.  I thought at the last minute (literally, pills in hand, hoses hooked up on the car, etc) to call a hotline and see if I was really beyond help and hope.  I broke down and told my wife I wasn't what she thought I was, got into therapy, and after a few months came to accept myself for what I really am.

I'm out to my wife and children, in transition, and moving to full time shortly, alas, not with my wife along.  I'm happy now. I enjoy life, and I haven't felt this good since I was a child.

I'm Michelle, and I like being me.

For a long time I wished I was transgender but didn't think I was. The time I grew up in, the denial, and thought of losing all my loved ones convinced me I would never actually transition. Well... I was wrong. I thought I could take a few steps toward it, stop, and live with it.  The more I did the more I found that I was powerless to resist what I had to do. The final thing that convinced me was the joy I got when I was perceived as a woman.
Moni

I always felt from about the age of 3-4 I wanted to be a girl. The feeling I should be never went away. What did was the hope I'd ever could between first mom telling me in no uncertain terms boys do not wear dresses, growing up in a blue collar second generation home in a city filled with a lot of other off the boat to second generation eastern European immigrants with either a church, bank or bar on every corner. Growing older I saw I was soaring to a 6 ft height, maybe more thanks to the genes from my mom's side of the family. Thanks to my dad's side, add in balding fast.

Still, some 40 years ago after finishing uni, I had my first transition experiment. After a few months of testing the waters part time, I saw it was never going to be. I was just some 6ft tall guy in a dress. So I shifted gears to try to be a "Normal"(ish) guy, otherwise known as a closeted CD.

When wife #1 learned of my closeted status, a few months later and a separation, transition experiment #2 started. It ended the same as the first.  I met and fell in love with another woman whom I told of being a CD. By then I had even convinced myself no way, no how, can I ever transition. I reluctantly resigned myself to being "Just a CD". The dream forever denied for my own good. Sometimes honesty doesn't pay because as wedding date pressures mounted she bolted. I wasn't a real man

Rather then yet another experiment, I started spending time again with my Reality Therapist and most amazing person ever in the world, who happened to be female and also knew from very on in our long going on/off history. It took about 10 years for her to say yes to getting officially married. Knowing I was a CD I had the freedom to "Escape Maleness" when necessary. About once a month in general, sometimes more often as life/work pressures peaked. We all know how that works.

Life generally went along fine except for the occasional total disasters every 5-10 years. As they say, life often gets in the way of living. Such was the case with me. Too little time for all that needed doing. My escapes from maleness needed to give. No way could I spare an entire day for such a self indulgence. Monthly soon became almost never.

On que, the inevitable total disaster happened. Seven years ago I lost my dream job at the peak of my career. Jobs were scarce but I landed a new one, some 350 miles from house, home & semi-invalid wife. Having way too much quality time alone with my thoughts I came to realize how I was NOT handling being trans was the root cause of the latest, if not all life disasters.

In the middle of hillbilly country and no longer in the shadow of New York City I somehow found a TG support group which led to finding a T-Friendly therapist. I knew I needed to unlearn a lot of bad habits and ways of thinking about myself. The Absolute Last Thing on my mind was any sort of transition. Been there tried it twice. Not for me. But that didn't stop be from starting up on low dose HRT once again for the much needed Brain Reset

A funny thing happened along the road to healing, the road that led away from the deeply seated shame and guilt of being trans. I slowly began to see, to discover, to explore the real me and not some twisted version of a "Guy" I felt I needed to be for others. Low dose HRT led to full blown feminizing. Magically, that "Some Guy in a Dress" feeling I always had seeing myself in a mirror morphed into "I look damn good for an old bat".

Ironically, my new found denial was no longer about where on the spectrum I really was. The denial of "No way No how..." began to melt away after a few more months of being out in the real world as the real me.

Today it is "In a perfect world I Would". My world is far from perfect. I am able to balance all sorts and manner of conflicting needs and wants in my life. Most to about every day I don't feel like I need to transition fully. The days or hours when the GD really hits me hard feels more like a lead filled pipe then the pillow I now know it used to be like. I know where my true joy lies... In a perfect world. But if basic survival requires it, I know I can and I will.