Carrie it has been 5 days since you last posted. How are you doing?

^Doing fine. My uncle's visiting, so I've just been busy.

Hi, Silly question but are you still having to force the last inch of depth in with your dilators or are the smaller ones going straight up to maximum depth. Only interested as I can use it for a guide on healing and time after my op next year. Glad your healing well now, please kepp the updates coming xx
Ann

Quote from: Carrie Liz on September 23, 2016, 10:15:26 PM
^Doing fine. My uncle's visiting, so I've just been busy.

When are we going to get a new YouTube video, girl! Lol, love ya  I'm excited to have srs with Chettawut in November. Your posts have helped a lot in preparing me.

So, I think I'm pretty much at the point of recovery where a lot of people hit the post-op depression.

I'm not depressed, but I'm just really exhausted from the tedium of recovery at this point.

It's been almost 2 months, and I'm still in pain almost every time I'm standing, sitting is still uncomfortable, dilation is still painful every time (that last inch is just SO painful... OW!,) and although swelling is finally starting to go down to a reasonable level and my energy levels have recovered significantly I am still REALLY REALLY tired of feeling so fragile and breakable and unable to just live life without recovery pain.

Every single day, day after day, for 2 months straight. That's enough to wear anyone down.

I have to go back to work in only 1 week. I start back on October 9th. I'm dreading it so much because I know I'm going to be in serious pain sitting down for so long every single day on a full-time schedule.



Dilating with the #2 dilator hasn't really gotten any easier since the 2nd day I did it. I still have to force it in every single time, and the resulting stretching sensation was still painful every single time. And it didn't get any easier. After a few days where it got easier, suddenly it started getting worse, it felt like I was hurting myself more and more, little by little, every single time I did it, so after about a week and a half of forcing myself to use it, yesterday I decided that for my own mental health I had to give it up and go back to just #0 and #1 until I'm more healed. Because it was getting to the point where dilation was becoming something that I dreaded, to the point that I was actually skipping dilations because I was procrastinating and then falling asleep.

Keeping up with the 3X daily schedule has been REALLY difficult. My uncle came to visit for 5 days last week, and because his schedule wasn't attuned to my dilation schedule, I missed my afternoon dilation for 4 out of those 5 days. I always got my morning and night dilation in, but that afternoon dilation is just really hard to keep up with when you're trying to have a life. Where was I supposed to fit it in? Once we left the house, there's not much I can do, we're not going to just go sit somewhere for an hour in the middle of the day just so I can dilate. And I'm not the type of person who can wake up at 7 am every morning just in order to squeeze a dilation in as soon as I wake up so that I can get another one in at noon before a hotel check-out. I don't have that kind of dedication. My dilation schedule was always 11 am, 5 pm, 11 pm, which just wasn't feasible with my uncle visiting.

So yeah, this has not been a fun two weeks. I haven't been able to keep up, my tolerance levels for this ongoing persistent pain are running thin, and I really really really want to just be freaking done with this emotionally-draining recovery.

Ugh...




I was not expecting surgery recovery to be this difficult. I was prepared for a lot of pain immediately after surgery. I was not prepared for my body still feeling fundamentally injured/recovering, still dealing with constant 2/10 pain that never lets up, a whole 2 months after surgery with no immediate signs of the pain getting better any time soon.

I've cried a few times in the last few days because I'm so tired of hurting.

Also, my hair is still falling out. (My hairdresser said "yeah, you can expect that after any major surgery.")

I don't think I like surgery recovery very much... I'm glad this one is done, and I wouldn't take it back for the world, but I'm actually rethinking FFS because this is just taking so damned long, and taking so much out of me. I don't know if I want do this again. I don't know if a minor improvement in my face is really worth going through this kind of healing process all over again. I miss feeling healthy so much.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on October 01, 2016, 04:30:36 PM
So, I think I'm pretty much at the point of recovery where a lot of people hit the post-op depression.

I'm not depressed, but I'm just really exhausted from the tedium of recovery at this point.

It's been almost 2 months, and I'm still in pain almost every time I'm standing, sitting is still uncomfortable, dilation is still painful every time (that last inch is just SO painful... OW!,) and although swelling is finally starting to go down to a reasonable level and my energy levels have recovered significantly I am still REALLY REALLY tired of feeling so fragile and breakable and unable to just live life without recovery pain.

Every single day, day after day, for 2 months straight. That's enough to wear anyone down.

I have to go back to work in only 1 week. I start back on October 9th. I'm dreading it so much because I know I'm going to be in serious pain sitting down for so long every single day on a full-time schedule.



Dilating with the #2 dilator hasn't really gotten any easier since the 2nd day I did it. I still have to force it in every single time, and the resulting stretching sensation was still painful every single time. And it didn't get any easier. After a few days where it got easier, suddenly it started getting worse, it felt like I was hurting myself more and more, little by little, every single time I did it, so after about a week and a half of forcing myself to use it, yesterday I decided that for my own mental health I had to give it up and go back to just #0 and #1 until I'm more healed. Because it was getting to the point where dilation was becoming something that I dreaded, to the point that I was actually skipping dilations because I was procrastinating and then falling asleep.

Keeping up with the 3X daily schedule has been REALLY difficult. My uncle came to visit for 5 days last week, and because his schedule wasn't attuned to my dilation schedule, I missed my afternoon dilation for 4 out of those 5 days. I always got my morning and night dilation in, but that afternoon dilation is just really hard to keep up with when you're trying to have a life. Where was I supposed to fit it in? Once we left the house, there's not much I can do, we're not going to just go sit somewhere for an hour in the middle of the day just so I can dilate. And I'm not the type of person who can wake up at 7 am every morning just in order to squeeze a dilation in as soon as I wake up so that I can get another one in at noon before a hotel check-out. I don't have that kind of dedication. My dilation schedule was always 11 am, 5 pm, 11 pm, which just wasn't feasible with my uncle visiting.

So yeah, this has not been a fun two weeks. I haven't been able to keep up, my tolerance levels for this ongoing persistent pain are running thin, and I really really really want to just be freaking done with this emotionally-draining recovery.

Ugh...




I was not expecting surgery recovery to be this difficult. I was prepared for a lot of pain immediately after surgery. I was not prepared for my body still feeling fundamentally injured/recovering, still dealing with constant 2/10 pain that never lets up, a whole 2 months after surgery with no immediate signs of the pain getting better any time soon.

I've cried a few times in the last few days because I'm so tired of hurting.

Also, my hair is still falling out. (My hairdresser said "yeah, you can expect that after any major surgery.")

I don't think I like surgery recovery very much... I'm glad this one is done, and I wouldn't take it back for the world, but I'm actually rethinking FFS because this is just taking so damned long, and taking so much out of me. I don't know if I want do this again. I don't know if a minor improvement in my face is really worth going through this kind of healing process all over again. I miss feeling healthy so much.

i sorry you are having a hard time... im sure it'll get better

I have followed you on this journey from your first post. I feel for you. After eight weeks, I can understand your frustration with your recovery to date. My thoughts are with you. I hope to get my date soon and have thought a lot about what my recovery will be like. I am sure that you will turn the corner soon.

Hugs,
Kelly

Just found this piece of information over on another one of the Thai non-inversion surgeon's information packets:

Quote
1.1. First Month Post-operative

In the first month post-operative (equating roughly to the period one stays in Thailand with us under our care), patients are asked to dilate twice a day for roughly one hour. This is the early phase of healing, during which the principle behind dilation is simply to ensure that the vaginal cavity remains open fully.

After about a month post-operative, scar tissue contraction starts to occur, and it is this process that causes vaginal depth and width shrinkage, and when dilation becomes most important.


1.2. Months 2 and 3 Post-operative

During this phase, the need for rigorous and diligent dilation is greatest, and the risk of losing vaginal depth and width is the highest. Dilation is also physically most difficult. During this phase, we ask patients to dilate ideally 3 times a day... but no less than twice a day.

So, this is the one thing I have to say about Chett, his aftercare is way less detailed. They just give you the bare basics and then you're largely on your own information-wise. I'm kinda bummed I had to go scavenging the Suporn manual that someone posted online to learn why dilation had suddenly become more difficult like this. Now I know it's because of "scar tissue contraction."



I also stumbled upon Suporn's technique for dynamic dilation, which involves gently "stirring" the dilator's base in a conical circular motion in 3-second circles , and someone said "I found that using this motion while inserting the dilator made insertion much easier," and I tried it, and I definitely concur, the stirring motion makes insertion WAY easier and less painful.

So yeah, I backed down away from the #2 dilator because I'm very careful, so when something is hurting I get terrified that it's because I'm doing something wrong and actively injuring it, but nope. It's just part of healing. So hopefully now I can get the #2 to work again and just push through it.

Thank you Carrie for sharing that information. I will be very helpful.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on October 02, 2016, 12:59:21 PM
Just found this piece of information over on another one of the Thai non-inversion surgeon's information packets:


So, this is the one thing I have to say about Chett, his aftercare is way less detailed. They just give you the bare basics and then you're largely on your own information-wise. I'm kinda bummed I had to go scavenging the Suporn manual that someone posted online to learn why dilation had suddenly become more difficult like this. Now I know it's because of "scar tissue contraction."



I also stumbled upon Suporn's technique for dynamic dilation, which involves gently "stirring" the dilator's base in a conical circular motion in 3-second circles , and someone said "I found that using this motion while inserting the dilator made insertion much easier," and I tried it, and I definitely concur, the stirring motion makes insertion WAY easier and less painful.

So yeah, I backed down away from the #2 dilator because I'm very careful, so when something is hurting I get terrified that it's because I'm doing something wrong and actively injuring it, but nope. It's just part of healing. So hopefully now I can get the #2 to work again and just push through it.

this might help me when im recovering... thank you

I think I may have posted this before, but it sounds similar to what you're experiencing. Also plenty of info on Suporn's dilation technique.

https://www.the-ress.net/files/SRS-With-Dr-Suporn-2015.pdf

Carrie with starting back to work on Sunday you should be returning to Ohio in the next couple days.

^I'm flying back tomorrow.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on August 07, 2016, 09:20:54 AM
A bit late on the update, but it's been a busy couple of days.

...

I've known for a while that I'm probably going to need Facial Feminization Surgery before I'm remotely tolerating of my own appearance, but ultimately my genital dysphoria is stronger, and I've heard from a few friends that "I thought I was never going to be happy unless I got FFS too, but that changed after bottom surgery." So I don't know. I have very strong bottom dysphoria. Having my current anatomy is a constant low-key reminder that my body feels wrong, and it definitely adds to my social anxiety and takes away from my ability to feel like a "real" woman and feel like my body really is a female body at all...

This made me tear up a little bit.  I have felt this for 18 long years...  It does seem to feel like I've been alive forever, that my life started forever ago...  My body feels wrong to me...  Next Thursday, I see the doctor to see about "upgrading" my transition experience.  I've already started cycling on my hormones, not doing the constant-dosage regimen I've been on for years.  I'm going to ask that she reads the Wiley protocol, and I NEED to find a way to finish what I started, and I'm scared...  My sexual response is absolutely phenomenal, almost always has been, and I'm afraid to lose it.  I would not have anyone to share my 'gina with anyway, so it makes me question whether to have the surgery at all, since I'm not attracted to men, and I'm already 50.  The only other reason I would have the surgery is to feel physically complete, not THIS.  What's hard is seeing whether this is pressure to conform to the biological binary from Western civilization (I see this from an Indic cultural perspective, i.e., Ardhanārīśvara from Indian Hindu culture), or simply the reality that "Hey, my body sex doesn't match my brain sex."  I do admit to having dreams of walking around in public naked, and wondering why I'm naked in the first place, and always covering myself down there to keep people from discovering my biological sex.  It happens quite often.

I've decided that I'm going to attempt to stay on the cycling regimen for a year before deciding whether to go for SRS.  I can say that I feel much more female psychologically after starting to cycle the estradiol.  It was particularly strong during the first cycle, and then settled down a bit during the second one, and now, I'm at the base line estradiol level before the primary peak starts again late this week.

The major obstacle has been money...  I am deaf (not to "poor me"), and the job reality is that it is hard to succeed in the job market as a deaf person, especially for someone who is born profoundly deaf with extensive hangover effects into late childhood and adulthood.  I don't know that I will ever raise the money to have SRS.

I'm still reading through this thread, so I don't know how your thread here turns out (successful surgery and recovery).  If it did turn out successfully, congratulations!

Quote from: Miss Lux on September 10, 2016, 07:09:20 AM
I am a nurse but I coulnt watch it... If I watched it I probably would not have pushed through with it.... Same here just do it I dnt wanna know d gory details...actually in d middle of d surgery I woke up and tried to sit up, I dint feel d pain and I dozed off again quickly .. C

Even you won't watch it?  To this day, I refuse to watch facial surgery videos, even though I've had top-bottom jaws repositioned while I was in braces to fix an overbite and misalignment of the jaws relative to the skull.  This complicated surgery was the reason I was rejected the first time by a surgeon-ortho team selection; my case was too complicated for them to handle, so they sent me to one of the two top surgeons for fixing dental bone structure cases like mine, and that surgeon in turn sent me to one of his orthodontists.

I'm back home. And God, I am so tired...

I don't think I really noticed it as much while I was with my mom in Florida, because that entire time I wasn't really doing much for myself, I was just sitting upstairs all day, and I only really had to come down for meals. Not much cooking, no cleaning, no chores, no work.

Now that I'm back home, and I'm back to being autonomous, jeez, now I realize how little energy I have. I woke up about 2 hours ago. I have a lot of things that I have to do today. My energy level for actually doing them is zero. My main tasks are that I have to go to the post office to pick up the mail that's been there for the last 2 months, then at some point I need to go to the store and restock on food and supplies. Then I need to clean the bathroom and replace the currently-moldy shower curtain so that I can take sitz baths without giving myself an infection. And somewhere mixed in with all of that, I need to dilate three times.

Dear God, it feels so daunting. I don't even want to get out of bed. I barely have the energy.

This is going to be a VERY long month. It's going to take twice as much energy as it usually does to do all of my normal daily tasks.

I have to say, again, I am so surprised just how much energy this is taking out of me. I've never felt this drained for this long, and it still shows no signs of letting up. I really don't feel much better than I did a few weeks ago. Still tired, still in constant minor pain from swelling and soreness, but now I can't just relax, I have a full-time work schedule.

I'm probably going to be skimping on cooking for the next couple of months. Fortunately the casino has an employee cafeteria, and I'm going to be working morning shifts now, so I can get two meals a day from them and avoid as much cooking as possible. (Which, if you knew me, you'd know that this REALLY shows you how drained I am, because I love cooking. It's not a chore for me, it's usually something that I look forward to.)

Blegh... I want my energy back... I can't wait to finally be done with this and just be in a normal-energy normal-feeling no-genital-pain body again, but unfortunately that still seems a VERY long way off.

I'm still super-happy with my results, and I know I'm going to be VERY VERY happy once the recovery period is over, but this recovery is just so grueling...

Hang in there girl.  I had my surgery a couple of weeks after you and I started back to work this week.  It has been hard but you can do it!  Rest as much as you need to and listen to your body.

I didn't realize what you were doing or I would have warned you to move around as much as the doctor would permit. I remained in bed for the first 6 days after surgery and when I was permitted to get up. I would walk until I was exhausted and then return to bed for a nap. I had pretty well explored everything I could in the hospital and spent time chatting with the nurses as much as possible. I knew I would have a fair amount of walking in my return trip so I wanted to build as much strength as I could. Two and a half weeks out of surgery, I returned to work and though I was sitting, I found I needed about 12 hours of sleep a day minimum. I blamed my weakness on 6 days of bed rest but it's possible the surgery was more draining than I thought.

I am not sure the day you return to work but if it's a few days off, move around as much as possible and take the last day off to rest. With the catching up you have to do, moving around may not be much of an issue.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on October 06, 2016, 10:24:29 AM
I'm back home. And God, I am so tired...

I don't think I really noticed it as much while I was with my mom in Florida, because that entire time I wasn't really doing much for myself, I was just sitting upstairs all day, and I only really had to come down for meals. Not much cooking, no cleaning, no chores, no work.

Now that I'm back home, and I'm back to being autonomous, jeez, now I realize how little energy I have. I woke up about 2 hours ago. I have a lot of things that I have to do today. My energy level for actually doing them is zero. My main tasks are that I have to go to the post office to pick up the mail that's been there for the last 2 months, then at some point I need to go to the store and restock on food and supplies. Then I need to clean the bathroom and replace the currently-moldy shower curtain so that I can take sitz baths without giving myself an infection. And somewhere mixed in with all of that, I need to dilate three times.

Dear God, it feels so daunting. I don't even want to get out of bed. I barely have the energy.

This is going to be a VERY long month. It's going to take twice as much energy as it usually does to do all of my normal daily tasks.

I have to say, again, I am so surprised just how much energy this is taking out of me. I've never felt this drained for this long, and it still shows no signs of letting up. I really don't feel much better than I did a few weeks ago. Still tired, still in constant minor pain from swelling and soreness, but now I can't just relax, I have a full-time work schedule.

I'm probably going to be skimping on cooking for the next couple of months. Fortunately the casino has an employee cafeteria, and I'm going to be working morning shifts now, so I can get two meals a day from them and avoid as much cooking as possible. (Which, if you knew me, you'd know that this REALLY shows you how drained I am, because I love cooking. It's not a chore for me, it's usually something that I look forward to.)

Blegh... I want my energy back... I can't wait to finally be done with this and just be in a normal-energy normal-feeling no-genital-pain body again, but unfortunately that still seems a VERY long way off.

I'm still super-happy with my results, and I know I'm going to be VERY VERY happy once the recovery period is over, but this recovery is just so grueling...

don't give up now carrie... i love reading your updates... you can do this xoxo

Little bit of an issue to report. (Unrelated to me, but still relevant to my goal of providing an overview of Chett.)

A couple of the girls I met during my stay at the Vertical Suites and I decided to start a Chettawut support group on Facebook so that we could stay in touch and give advice to future Chett patients.

Basically, we wanted to create something similar to what Suporn patients get, where there's a group with hundreds of people who've gone through the same surgery with the same surgeon and thus can answer basic questions about what's normal and what's not very quickly.

Right now the group consists of me, Youtube's Cindy Fox ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXVZz-kNsjtMzFnLqxZ11Fw ) and there's 10 other people in the group who we were in Thailand at the same time as.

Out of those 12, 11 of us had uneventful surgeries with no complications. But one of the women in the group just had one of the scary kind of experiences that have been reported intermittently before with Chett, and which I personally dismissed as "nah, that will never happen to me, she just got unlucky." Basically, she had an issue immediately post-op with severe constipation. She took 3 doses of laxatives, and it took 3 days for those laxitives to finally work, to the point that basically the gates of hell opened all at once. And then the next day the nurse examined her and reported that she had perforated her vagina. And Chettawut's office is refusing to fix it because they say that it's her fault. She had to transfer to a local hospital to salvage her surgery and receive treatment.

This is something that I've seen a few times before, but again, personally brushed it off because a vast majority of people have such positive experiences. And it continues the pattern of when Chett is good and nothing goes wrong, he is very very good. But if there's complications, it can be a serious problem where blame gets passed around.

I wasn't there to see it, so I can't really comment, but yeah, that just happened. (To be fair, though, Cindy had an equally negative blame-game experience with Suporn just over a month ago, which is why she was at Chett's in the first place, so that's not an endorsement of any other surgeon either. And I do plan on telling that rare negative story about Suporn, which will include an insight into why Suporn's reviews are so high and how he differs from Chett, once I get the energy to.)

(I should also mention, the woman in question with the Chett complication is 70 years old, and complications are obviously more common the older you are due to skin thinning with age, but still, it happens.)