As some of you know I hopped off the transition train the first week in July.  Then late in August I started back on a VERY low dose of Spiro.  Well it wasn't enough.  My dysphoria manifests itself in two ways; one is anger.  I blew up at someone at work and have been on suspension for three weeks waiting to hear if I was going to be fired or just reprimanded. 

So for the past three weeks from 8:00 until 5:00 I've literally been sitting by the phone waiting for any news. Getting maybe a few hours of sleep each night, waiting, wondering, trying to not drop into depression... NOTHING.... NOTHING.... until today.  I'll be given a strong written reprimand with expectations for future behavior.

Imagine working for a company for 30 (not a typo) years and suddenly looking at being unemployed with total household income cut by 3/4.  Thoughts of suicide were very real.  If it wasn't for a single close friend who talked me out taking a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" I might not be writing this note.

Lesson learned:  Gender Dysphoria is not to be ignored and taming it, at least in my case, is not possible without some closely monitored medications.  Find a Dr who understands this condition and listen to what they say.

Now, if only the Estrodial Valerate shortage can be fixed before I run out!

So glad you are still here.  I was very glad to leave that anger behind. It was a horrible part of my past.
Monica

sorry girl prayers always wondered what the reaction would be if i ran out of my drugs.  So so glad you are still here hope things get better soon


jennifer

I am glad you are still here and have a job.

I switched to pills. I was told end of November for delestrogen.

I have been fearful of going off HRT. I was recently off HRT for 3 weeks and was ok. My gonads were shut down and did not start back up during the 3 weeks.

I'm glad you didn't take the permanent solution to the temporary issue at hand, and that you heard the better of the outcomes for what was going on. I hope that you can get good news on your hrt sooner than later and wish you well.

Just know that even though you do have connections to help outside of this site, you are always welcome to ask for support here, we are all in this together and I know that there will be someone that can listen to your issues and help you through them just as your close friend did.

Kate <3
Always remember to smile your face

My first thought would be to apologize and explain its a medical issue, that you're now on medication to fix it and because of that it won't happen again.

After about 4-5 years on both E and an AA I figured I could ditch the spiro from my pill taking regime. It was slow. It was insidious. It went basically unnoticed by me how the feelings of despair, depression, and anger, slowly crept up on me. Yet a T level that was in the sub-basement became Low-Normal along with unchanged E levels compared to a year earlier.

Quote from: pj on October 07, 2016, 05:52:57 PMLesson learned:  Gender Dysphoria is not to be ignored and taming it, at least in my case, is not possible without some closely monitored medications.  Find a Dr who understands this condition and listen to what they say.

This is such a hard lesson to learn too.   I feel great, why do I have to keep putting stickers on my butt; that needle is long, do I really need help enough to stick that needle all the way in, my leg/butt'll be sore for days  why do I need to take this pill every day, it doesn't do anything, REALLY!!

/sigh

Has taught me much greater empathy for folks that have to take medications for serious mental illnesses.

PJ - So glad to hear you were able to get your job back. I to have worked the
same type of job for some 30 yrs and would have a dire loss of income if I were to be fired. I have
found my self becoming irritable and belligerent at work and even threatening to
quit which is some craziness since I so much need the money to continue my transition.
The thought of being without my meds does cause me a kind of panic so I understand your
stress and emotions about this.

Kath

Quote from: AnonyMs on October 07, 2016, 08:38:17 PM
My first thought would be to apologize and explain its a medical issue, that you're now on medication to fix it and because of that it won't happen again.

I believe there are two reasons I wasn't terminated at work:
1) Trans* is a protected class in Illinois
2) It was caused by a medical issue.

I believe an employment lawyer friend would have had a field day with this.

Sorry that happened to you, but glad you still have your job. I believe it is an issue with there permitting and manufacturing in regards to the Estradiol outage. There is more than one estradiol injectable though, you might want to ask your doctor about the other one  if  the outage results in your running out. Congrats though on getting your transition going and getting on HRT. Hugs
Mariah

Glad to hear everything turned out! I'm happy to hear you're back on the "transition train!"

being old and homeless is definitely no fun cberish what you have

The whole experience has been eye-opening.  Basically my liveliness is in their hands.  So let's not piss them off.

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