So some of you read my last e-mail !  I appreciate that. This is regarding the same topic but to a little more extent... So as of now, I was dealing with issues (besides the transsexual part), such as anxiety giving me issues and premature ejaculation with my girlfriend, and afterwards no erection because I'm basically done...
So then I realize that I've watched too much porn my whole life, and that I'd get myself to edge or ejaculate really fast, mainly only reason I did it for...
But now I haven't masturbated for over 3 weeks, and it seems like my brain was rewired to see women as what they are, and not trigger a sense of ejaculating whenever I saw one. Issue is that, without that, I feel empty, like if I never liked women to begin with. Now I can't get erect with girlfriend even and I get turned off as well... This all starts to lead me towards me possibly liking men (I'm 28 and had anxiety about possibly liking men - diagnosed with HOCD which is homosexual obsession compulsive disorder) - so In a way... there has been some thought of the possibility of being gay since age 16 or 17 but as intrusive not wanting to thoughts. Never acted on it. Now all this is leading me to think that maybe I was forcing myself to like women, and since I've been climaxing thinking of them for the past 16 or so years I've come to link boobs/vagina with orgasm...

Just wanted to see once again, I know many of you realized you liked the other sex after realizing you were trans as well. Is this a thing? Or it might be actually me obsessing?

I really don't want to lose my girlfriend ... Being trans was one already, at least she might stay with me even if I was a woman, but me not being able to see her naked and such is another story ...

I'm so hurt. Being talking to a therapist and don't know what to do still. Realizing more things hurts a lot, I feel like I'm living a lie, a fantasy, more like a nightmare... !

Thanks for listening

Don't do a number on yourself. I did better when I stopped listening to how I was "supposed" to be. Labels can be toxic and misleading and plain wrong. Don't harm yourself over some label. A third of people who transition become interested only in the opposite sex, a third are interested in the same sex, and a third are bi--some are all three at different times. Some people are in trans-trans relationships and that's ok too. I was very briefly in one and there was nothing wrong with it. I have never felt so same-sex in my life.

We have had a lot of expectations about who we are and what sex we are and who we'res supposed to be attracted to and what not--all of which is irrelevant to your own identity. I was torn in several directions about wanting to fit in and have kids, and not have kids, and not fit in.

Let yourself off the hook and don't let anyone tie you into knots. Forget the acronyms. You are you and like what you like and to heck with some person with a pad and pen and diplomas on the wall. There is a lot of joy out there, and some pain, too, but you need to let yourself like what you like and live fully. You are the author and director of your own movie.

Life is for living! Go forward!

Quote from: needhelp on October 07, 2016, 12:32:45 PM
So some of you read my last e-mail !  I appreciate that. This is regarding the same topic but to a little more extent... So as of now, I was dealing with issues (besides the transsexual part), such as anxiety giving me issues and premature ejaculation with my girlfriend, and afterwards no erection because I'm basically done...
So then I realize that I've watched too much porn my whole life, and that I'd get myself to edge or ejaculate really fast, mainly only reason I did it for...
But now I haven't masturbated for over 3 weeks, and it seems like my brain was rewired to see women as what they are, and not trigger a sense of ejaculating whenever I saw one. Issue is that, without that, I feel empty, like if I never liked women to begin with. Now I can't get erect with girlfriend even and I get turned off as well... This all starts to lead me towards me possibly liking men (I'm 28 and had anxiety about possibly liking men - diagnosed with HOCD which is homosexual obsession compulsive disorder) - so In a way... there has been some thought of the possibility of being gay since age 16 or 17 but as intrusive not wanting to thoughts. Never acted on it. Now all this is leading me to think that maybe I was forcing myself to like women, and since I've been climaxing thinking of them for the past 16 or so years I've come to link boobs/vagina with orgasm...

Just wanted to see once again, I know many of you realized you liked the other sex after realizing you were trans as well. Is this a thing? Or it might be actually me obsessing?

I really don't want to lose my girlfriend ... Being trans was one already, at least she might stay with me even if I was a woman, but me not being able to see her naked and such is another story ...

I'm so hurt. Being talking to a therapist and don't know what to do still. Realizing more things hurts a lot, I feel like I'm living a lie, a fantasy, more like a nightmare... !

Thanks for listening

Hi Needhelp

Ok..Big breath, in and out slowly. You are Ok

I have read this post and the previous one and the first thing that strikes me is that you are in a tough space at the moment.I am no expert on HOCD but any kind of OCD is going to be debilitating. Are you getting help for this?

I think for many of us here our sexual preferences never changed. We may have gotten more clarity around our preferences but as far as changing goes then my understanding is that is not likely. For me I fall into the being honest with myself about what my preferences are. I am not even entirely sure for myself and feel at times it can be a little fluid and more about the person.

Hugs

Liz

Hi,

It sounds like you have a lot of things going on at the same time and are a bit overwhelmed. Coming to terms with your gender and sexuality can cause a lot of emotion and feelings to be opened up that were once held back.

The only person that can determine your gender and sexuality is you. You can be sexuality fluid.

I have never masturbated thinking of a woman, only a male. I could only climax with a woman if in my head I imagined I was with a guy.  My first consensual sexual experience was with guy and that lasted 4 years.

You haven't mentioned HRT and if you are on it, that can cause a major reduction in sex drive. If you aren't on HRT, the process of self discovery can cause a great deal of emotional turmoil that without therapy may take a long time to resolve. Even with therapy resolving the issues could take months. At the moment you need to take it one step at a time and don't feel pressured. You will come to a decision you are happy with if you continue to work at it.

Maybe it's your dysphoria that's causing your sexual difficulties, not porn (the universal scape goat) or worrying about being attracted to guys. I don't think you can "make yourself" be attracted to female bodies, otherwise all that gay aversion therapy hocus pocus would work and ... it doesn't. But if you have gender dysphoria, you can make yourself put it out of your mind temporarily ... and then it comes back. Being dysphoric can make you feel very confused (attracted, repelled, envious, disgusted, often all at the same time) about men AND women. So your feelings are very normal.

If your girlfriend is a good person she will be patient and loving enough to work through these issues with her together. Have  you thought about having sex with her in a more "lesbian" manner? Then these issues with erections wouldn't be as devastating. Using mouths and fingers, stimulating all parts of the body. Try it, you might like it.

About 90% of my life and 90% of me has always been sexually attracted to women. I never had any sort of genital dysphoria. Sure, I'd rather not have been born with them but.... Heck the dangly bits and I have had great times together, usually with others.

Yet oddly, while I can readily become and staying aroused, having an orgasm with a woman was usually a long time coming (pun intended ). 30 minutes can be worse then 30 seconds, just in different ways for a woman. In order to speed things along I needed to get deep into my fantasy of being the woman.

Thousands of books, perhaps tens of thousands about sex and the universe of emotions surrounding it. Face it, sex is fun. You give and receive great joy from it.

Does it have to be any more complicated?