Hello Everyone!
My name is Max, I am 28 and 99.99% sure that I am transgender
I really wanted to get on a forum and share a bit about myself with some like minded people.
For as long as I remember I had always wanted to be a girl, growing up I used to take my mothers and older sisters clothes and dress up when no one was home or when everyone was asleep. I did get busted a few times but my parents just walked off and did not confront me.
I always used to wish at night and even prayed a few times that I would wake up as a girl in the morning. If a family member or friend made a joke about me being a girl would always laugh but secretly wished this was true.
I didn't really have anyone to talk to and was always scared because in my family we had an uncle who came out as gay and the family cut him off. I did have one or two friends in primary school that I would say something like: "imagine how fun it would be if you could change between boy and girl when you wanted" but they all said it was gay and looked at me like I had said something bad. The way some people in my family and friends would speak of people who were gay or even the idea of a trans person scared me and I knew I had to just get on living life as a normal boy.
Throughout high school I always tried to hang around with the most popular boys and try to pick up girls but it never sat right with me and I was never good at it. Throughout high-school I would still take my mothers and sisters clothes and I felt so good wearing them but as soon as I looked in the mirror to see my developing male body I was upset. I even spent a lot of time doing weights at the gym because that's what guys do but I never enjoyed it.
Towards the end of high-school I started working on cars (my dad was a mechanic) so I ended up being a mechanic too and it was then that I developed passion for cars.
When I started working I would buy clothes online hoping that no one opened the package and I would build up my own little stash. I adored form fitting clothing but to me it didn't look right on my body. I also remember I never wanted to cut my hair and let it grow out but everyone always complained it was too long.
I would go through cycles of buying clothing, feeling remorse and then burning them (kind of a ritual I had). I figured that once I found the right girl and settled down all these feelings would go away. I felt a lot of pressure to get married and have kids as I carried our family's last name on in this country.
I have been in a relationship now for a few years now with a beautiful woman but before that I couldn't be with anyone more than a week. One night my girlfriend made a joke asking would I ever sell my car for her if I had to and the answer was no, it dawned upon me that I would however sell my cars to become a woman.
Here I am at 28, still wanting to be a girl and dressing up when no one is around. One night about a month ago at a house party I had a lot to drink and couldn't take it, I did a quick search and found a transgender helpline so I ran outside the house in the rain and called, that was the first time I had opened up to anyone and it felt great.
I realized that my passion for cars was mostly a distraction although I have become very sought after in the industry with lots of enthusiasts wanting me to do work for them, enough is enough, I want to do something for me now, something I have wanted for many years, so I started selling off everything that I didn't or wouldn't need if I transition.
I am now seeing a councilor and trans specific GP and day by day the more I think about HRT and learn about other trans woman's stories I want to start now.
I hope this wasn't too long but it was the cut down version lol.
Thank you for reading,
Maxie
