I have found ways to be more like me but to be exactly me, it's really tough. My 2 kids well not my kids but my nephew and niece but ya. It's never been just them but it has to do with them a bit. They see a boy, an uncle and that is who they know, not me Larisa. My nephew just called me and she was there to and I just can't do that to them. I also know how important it is to have an uncle. My uncles never really were ever around so that's what makes it so important. This has never been the only reason but it's a big reason.

Take it at your own pace, sweetie. There's no deadline. Do what you feel is the right thing to do.

*extra big hugs*

The fact that you're there for them is important. It says a lot about you. Take comfort in that, okay? It's a trait that more people should have.

Larisa,
   I don't argue with however you need to do things, not at all. I would point out that young people are much more flexible with trans situations than adults. If you think showing them your real self would hurt them, I think it might be a big assumption. You are just as likely to benefit them by having a happier relative (you) and teaching them a bit about tolerance and acceptance. The most common reaction I got from younger family members hearing my news, was sadness. Specifically, sadness that I had had to hide my true self for so long. It didn't matter to them if I was male or female. It mattered that I was happy instead of miserable.
Moni

Quote from: Larisa1983 on October 22, 2016, 01:42:58 PM
I have found ways to be more like me but to be exactly me, it's really tough. My 2 kids well not my kids but my nephew and niece but ya. It's never been just them but it has to do with them a bit. They see a boy, an uncle and that is who they know, not me Larisa. My nephew just called me and she was there to and I just can't do that to them. I also know how important it is to have an uncle. My uncles never really were ever around so that's what makes it so important. This has never been the only reason but it's a big reason.

What is it you can't do to your nieces and nephews? I actually don't think you are doing anything to them. As a parent of a 25 year old and a 22 year old I can tell you from my experience that younger children are very flexible in their thinking and seem to have relatively no difficulty in dealing with these kinds of things as they are just honest. They will be more concerned that you are not going to go away or that they somehow may have caused the situation...thats more like the issue a kid would have, many don't have any issues at all.

Is having a happy Aunty not as important?

Take care

Liz

I pretty much know my niece would be fine with it. Im not always sure about him though. There are other people like on my sisters husbands side, his dad is a legalistic creep to transgender and gay people. My dad's brother wife is also against transgender people. I dont talk to her anyways usually. Than there is money issues, passing as my real self, putting up with hate, surgery and on. It's all very complicated for me. I just try to do what I can to get by.

Still, don't act like you're doing something horrible to them just by switching gender.  If one of my aunt's or uncles came out as trans, it wouldn't change much.  I like my mom's side better than my dad's side because my dad's relatives tend to be enabling of his clinical narcissism, and gender has nothing to do with that.  I'd still dislike his sister, I'd still like my mom's sister.

You are never gonna have a perfect situation to transition. The expression about omelettes and breaking eggs comes to mind. You have to weight the negatives and positives. I have some relatives who are very conservative. They would probably not be very trans friendly. When I told them, they said that I am family and that is more important than my new situation. Some of them say they don't understand it but there is no hostility. It could have gone very differently. People can surprise you in both directions. I got to a point where I could no longer live my life for other people. I had to be true to myself. Other people have to make there decisions.
Monica

It's more me than it's about acceptance from them. I just have thought it's important to be an uncle since I never really had that. I feel like if I dont be that, Im taking away from them what I didnt really have.

That sounds like it'll work for you...good on ya for being there in a way that you missed.

Keep in mind though, that what was important for you may not be as important for them. The tricky part is, you (and they) won't know if it was until enough time has passed to gain the reputed 20/20 eyesight.

If you're really female, you wouldn't be a real uncle to them. 

It might be more important to be who you really are, so they can have an aunt that's truly present for them.

I waited for my kids. My son is thirty now, his sister is twenty seven. I've been waiting 60 years. I finally decided everyone else is living their life, time to live mine. You are. Lucky as you have a knowledge base. To draw on. Not so in the 70's &80's. I just knew I was different but no explanation. So like many I just thought I was damaged goods. I knew I was not gay. At least I'm 95.5% sure. But that 4.5% chance raised havoc with my first wife. My nephew saw me about six months ago. While sitting at the table, he said. I can spot a trans from a mile away. I replyed. Oh really? I admire your loyalty to your nephews. You are, believe it or not, heading toward middle age. Average turn around time for a complete transition is what 4-5 years. See what I mean? It's a marathon. Not a sprint. But the earlier the better.  Your'e just an uncle with less comfortable shoes.   Peace

If you wait till the people you love are all on board...your ship will never sail.

I think one of the biggest hurdles to people coming out is that they feel that they will be seen as less than they are as their old self. I was convinced of it. I thought I could never transition, people would freak out. Bottom line is that those around you will react as they will. Some good, some not so good. If the feeling inside of you is strong enough, it will never let you go. If the dysphoria is strong, you will either move forward or make excuses to stall it off, all the time making yourself miserable. You are the judge of you. I would urge you to be honest with yourself about why you do what you do.
Monica

Quote from: Sophia Sage on October 27, 2016, 10:39:29 PM
If you're really female, you wouldn't be a real uncle to them.

It might be more important to be who you really are, so they can have an aunt that's truly present for them.

I will gently disagree with this. Many of us learned how to "pass" as a man, and in many roles...husband, uncle, etc. With children, perception is everything.

The issue here isn't (correct me if I'm wrong) about Larisa's need to be an uncle, but rather her need to provide an uncle-figure to her niece and nephew.

Hi Larica,

Full transition is a difficult road, especially if you do not have support or a support network.

I developed a support network such as group (friends from group), LGBT primary care, therapist and work friends. I originally was going to go for low level hormones to ease dysphoria because I was afraid and alone. I understand how you feel and transition is difficult. You can see a gender therapist and go to group even it you are not on hormones. 

Rachel

Quote from: Beth Andrea on October 29, 2016, 11:30:59 AM
I will gently disagree with this. Many of us learned how to "pass" as a man, and in many roles...husband, uncle, etc. With children, perception is everything.

The issue here isn't (correct me if I'm wrong) about Larisa's need to be an uncle, but rather her need to provide an uncle-figure to her niece and nephew.

Nope you are not wrong.

Quote from: Larisa1983 on October 30, 2016, 06:22:06 PM
Nope you are not wrong.

Larissa do you think it would matter to them if you were just a great person? I wonder if you can be that person if you are not able to be who you really are?

Imagine the incredibly positive lesson you could provide to either of these impressionable children as a happy well adjusted person who is just now, just a hoot to be with. Would they care if you were an aunt or an uncle?  Maybe they really wouldn't care...just putting it out there for your consideration. 

Liz

QuoteThe issue here isn't (correct me if I'm wrong) about Larisa's need to be an uncle, but rather her need to provide an uncle-figure to her niece and nephew.

Well.......of course, the TS mantra has generally always been, don't transition unless you absolutely
find it to be your final alternative. So of course,  you're making the proper decision.  If you can
Find a reason not to do it and still manage to be happy, that's the the correct decision.
     If on the other hand, you're miserable and not not transitioning on someone else's behalf, you've made a terrible mistake
and you're doing no one, least of all your self, any favors.