"... are lesbians and other trans men."

I'm filing the above statement in "->-bleeped-<- people have actually said to my face." Yep. I have so many problems with this, let me tell you! First of all, the idea that a woman who dates me would be a lesbian... um, no. Either they should acknowledge that I'm a man, and anyone who dates me falls into one of the sexual orientations that involves dating men, or they should just say "I don't think you're really a dude and I'm just playing along."

And hey, way to build up a gay trans man's confidence! Nothing says "you'll always be single" like "Your dating pool is limited to the tiny sliver of the Venn diagram between "gay men" and "trans men.""

Ugh. I just started T and my libido is already ten years younger than it used to be. If it gets as bad as it was when I was eighteen, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Rant over (but for how long?) Thanks for reading.

Very harsh statement.

And I don't see why lesbians would be even remotely interested in transmen. Unless they only care about one thing that only a pre-op transman might have. But that thing is such a very small part of the package. In every other way, transmen look, behave, smell and actually just are men. So why would a lesbian be attracted to that? It's so odd.

My problem is, I attract the " ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s" who claim to be straight men....lol. I long for the day I meet a man who wants to DATE me and start a relationship...whether he is trans also, or cis.

For what it's worth, my wife is and has always identified as straight. She's never been with a woman. She sees me as a man and loves me as a man and did even before I was on T.

I'm not clear on the above if you're gay/bi/straight but they are out there (that is, people who will love you and see you the way you want and need to be seen). Don't let the people who don't know jack get you down.

My girlfriend is straight. My last girlfriend was also straight. I dated one transguy early in my transition when I thought I might like it. I did not.

Pre-transition as a lesbian, I mostly dated bisexual or closeted "straight" girls. I actually don't think I've ever dated a lesbian. So I find the quote to be false in my experience.

I am at the point where I don't even try with dating. I'm trying to accept that I may never find a woman. Maybe ill try when I have phallo but I'm not expecting anything.

The only people who make hasty generalizations are bigots and sexists

Anyways that ornery rebuttle aside Im dating a trans woman so...they forgot one.

I'm a gay trans guy. It's been a long time since I've dated, or even tried... never was a lesbian though, always into guys. Actually, my unexpected anger at people showing interest in me the last couple years or so was a big tip off that something was wrong and got me questioning. Because I didn't feel right in my body. And then I had the epiphany that I didn't want others to be attracted to me as a female, but as a male. I was getting angry because it was all wrong... that I felt all wrong in my female body. It makes so much sense now, looking back.

I want to believe that I won't be alone forever, but I'm definitely not the sort of person to be with someone for the sake of not being alone. I've always been very independent. Time will tell. Right now, since I'm pre-T, I don't really look male or at least as male as I want to be. So I find it very unlikely any other gay cis or trans guys would be into me, even for casual dating. If I'm not feeling confident in how I look, I don't think that's exactly going to be attractive to anyone else, either. I'm trying to do what I can with exercise right now.

So I'm lying low right now till I can get on T in the next few months. I know that T doesn't make a trans guy, but that's how I'm feeling right now. There's a few things I need to sort out in the next couple months at least before I can make changes. Meanwhile, I ll admit it sucks.

*eyes the trans guy dating Venn diagram*

Quote from: Hughie on October 12, 2016, 12:36:01 PM
I'm a gay trans guy. It's been a long time since I've dated, or even tried... never was a lesbian though, always into guys. Actually, my unexpected anger at people showing interest in me the last couple years or so was a big tip off that something was wrong and got me questioning. Because I didn't feel right in my body. And then I had the epiphany that I didn't want others to be attracted to me as a female, but as a male. I was getting angry because it was all wrong... that I felt all wrong in my female body. It makes so much sense now, looking back.

I want to believe that I won't be alone forever, but I'm definitely not the sort of person to be with someone for the sake of not being alone. I've always been very independent. Time will tell. Right now, since I'm pre-T, I don't really look male or at least as male as I want to be. So I find it very unlikely any other gay cis or trans guys would be into me, even for casual dating. If I'm not feeling confident in how I look, I don't think that's exactly going to be attractive to anyone else, either. I'm trying to do what I can with exercise right now.

So I'm lying low right now till I can get on T in the next few months. I know that T doesn't make a trans guy, but that's how I'm feeling right now. There's a few things I need to sort out in the next couple months at least before I can make changes. Meanwhile, I ll admit it sucks.

*eyes the trans guy dating Venn diagram*

I feel ya on this.

Ugh, I hate that comment, too.  Honestly, I just want to reply with "And why are you thinking so much about who does and who does not date trans men?"  Do they not have better things to contemplate, much less dump on us?

Fist of all, sorry, im AMAB

... to get to the point: I can totally relate, even though it's like the inverse. But perhaps it's a bit more complicated, but PLEASE enlighten me if that's the case.

Here's the thing.. I've basically had two transitions, when I first stepped on the trans* train between 23-26 I was like living the girl life. Until the point that I was so blindsided by what I was doing that I lost touch with myself. As for life itself, I was pretty much living as a girl then, socially accepted, passable and whatnot. Then, I detransitioned, so in a way I went from woman to man. There were many different reasons, but I'll elaborate on those in a different thread. Basically I'm on HRT again a year now, I'm passable and my SRS is coming up in 8 months.

How people treated me when I transitioned back from woman to man went 100% in reverse. Suddenly, instead of getting attention from lesbians and guys, I started to get more looks from girls and gay guys. This shift is what I wanted to share with you guys. Because in my mind, I was still the same person. Same hands, same feet, just the face and the body contours changed (even my boobs deflated). But generally speaking, I was still the same person, just more truthful to myself. I slammed the breaks on transitioning hard, but for me this felt as a relief at the time, actually.

I guess what I wanna share is this incongruency between how you look in your own mind's eye, and how others perceive and judge you. In the end, they can't look into your heart. That's why I wanted to respond to this harsh statement. There are and always will be people who judge you by what they THINK you are. For me, these aren't the people I'd happily share my bed with!

Sounds like a statement intended to invalidate trans men as "real men".

If the speaker was rational, they'd be aware that it's not a rule. Just sounds like another throwaway derogatory comment made by someone ignorant, or someone attempting an insult.

Quote from: FTMax on October 11, 2016, 10:41:04 AM
My girlfriend is straight. My last girlfriend was also straight. I dated one transguy early in my transition when I thought I might like it. I did not.

Pre-transition as a lesbian, I mostly dated bisexual or closeted "straight" girls. I actually don't think I've ever dated a lesbian. So I find the quote to be false in my experience.

I've never dated a "lesbian" (woman loving woman), either.  Pre- transition I always dated women who identified as Stone Femmes or straight.  They saw me as a Stone Butch/FTM.  None of them connected with the term, lesbian, and none of them were interested in my female genitals (I wouldn't have dated them, otherwise).  My current GF, who I started dating right after my meta, has always preferred trans men to cis men.  Just her thing.  For the past 20 years (she is 40), she has dated most often trans men, or was single.  She was never interested in their junk, and was never keen on cis men's genitals either.  I am the first post lower surgery guy she has been with.  She is crazy nuts over my genitals.  Go figure.

Hmm. Guess I better tell my gay husband. He must have gotten confused...

Seriously,  that's a stupid statement.

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may sound odd, but honestly i feel like a lot of "tumblry" lgbt/trans activists help to perpetuate the stereotype. i see lots of people say they "won't date cis men, but will date girls or trans men" and i find it incredibly insulting and disgusting. i want to be seen as a man. that's the whole point

but regardless, i have one cis male ex boufriend and my current boufriend is also cis; we've been together 2 1/2 years and plan on staying together. there are cis men who will date you and love you

Quote from: groudon18 on October 18, 2016, 04:28:11 AM
may sound odd, but honestly i feel like a lot of "tumblry" lgbt/trans activists help to perpetuate the stereotype. i see lots of people say they "won't date cis men, but will date girls or trans men" and i find it incredibly insulting and disgusting. i want to be seen as a man. that's the whole point

I also think this may play a huge role regarding the issue... and, aside from that, it really can make a difference how far you have transitioned. Some of us may look attractive (in a potentially sexual way) to some lesbians and some heterosexual men before transitioning (including the time in the beginning where you may not see any big changes yet), but as soon as the changes start and/or become more intense, it's highly unlikely that any lesbian (or purely hetero guy) will date you as FtM. Yes, even those who prefer dykes/butches, because those are still girls/women and in fact still look like that. Masculine girls/women, but still not men.
Not to mention that those FtMs I've actually seen in real life via things like local support groups are often hard to be recognised as such out on the street. Or generally before you get intimate with them - and dating doesn't start with pulling your pants down and showing what you may have or not have down there... would be both creepy and rude.

Hey now, I'm from Tumblr.

And yeah, I've met trans guys where at first I was like ... no, you're obviously a cis dude, wtf. But of course I was wrong. Someday I'll be there, too.

I guess I just hate. Being. Single. So much. Rationally I know I should be patient and that things will be better once people can look at me and see a man, but damn. It's hard to be patient!

I find this topic interesting and slightly comical, I'm pre t and recently came out to my girlfriend who considers herself a lesbian, we both did before I realized who I truly was. she has dated cis men in the past as well but generally went with stone butches. we joked the other day as to what "label" she now fitted in because she's been all over the spectrum! I guess she's "pan sexual" lol! labels can be tricky I suppose but we are all still part of the beautiful lgbt community. 

Well I'm Bi, and I would love to date a trans man. People do say the most stupid ill-informed things sometimes. Xx

Can't say a lot about this, 'cause I haven't transitioned yet and so. Buut, since I am, pre-T and all, very androginous it's not that hard to pass when I go to other places where nobody knows me and such. And, at the start of the school year... There were quite some new girls that would try to talk to me. xD It was reaally weird to me because I'm not interested in girls, and I'm reaally anti-social. Then, all the students from the other semesters came back to school (I went to school earlier than the other from third and fifth semester because I was accompanying my little sisters in their preparatory courses) and the new ones all found out "I'm a girl".

Now, it's really weird 'cause there are several guys in my school, that know "I'm a girl", that have been trying something with me. I just get unconfortable because I hate been seen as a woman.

But, anyway. I agree with something said before in this thread, although I haven't lived it myself. Before you begin looking simply male (or, in my case too, when nobody know you're trans and have known you before any special change in your appearance) you'll probably attract lesbian girls and straight guys, because for them you're a "masculine woman". That'll change when you look just as any other man. But, of course, there will be always people that only care for what you have down there, and such people are not worth. And, by the other hand, there will be people just the opposite, that will love you no matter if you're trans, if you got a surgery or not... Or whatever. That will love you for who you are. Regardless if they're trans or cis, hetero girls or gay guys.