Just curious as to how many members of the community are planning the final step of full disclosure for the holiday parties. Taking that last final step of being true to yourself with friends and family. I made my peace with family or what's left of family last year and things are all right.

That is where I'll be out in public with a large group that knew the old me, for the first time.

Currently, my youngest daughter has seen me via FaceTime, and I'm having dinner with my mother-in-law on Tuesday. One friend has seen a picture of me, the current avatar.

I did just update my online info with the same picture so others may notice a little change...

The Big Reveal will be at a couple of holiday parties for organizations that I am a member of, and a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration that it looks like all my family except my wife  will attend.

This should be a memorable holiday...


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I'll have the opportunity to do so when my family gathers for the holidays this year but I don't plan on making an announcement.  I have barely started transition, hope to start HRT after new years. Somethings may bring questions  (pierced ears most noticeable).  I  really just want it to be our normal holiday gathering and not about me.  If anyone guesses the truth I'll confirm  but don't plan to start that conversation

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good luck

My view is that holidays are to celebrate the holiday and not a time to make that special day about me. It would be acceptable if everybody was aware and it's the first time you appear as yourself but to come out on a holiday would be in very poor taste.

Because I saw my family only once a year at christmas, everybody who would be attending was aware of my transition before my visit so the switch in presentation wasn't unexpected and as such, christmas remained christmas and not Dena day.

Quote from: Dena on November 05, 2016, 01:58:26 PM
My view is that holidays are to celebrate the holiday and not a time to make that special day about me. It would be acceptable if everybody was aware and it's the first time you appear as yourself but to come out on a holiday would be in very poor taste.

Pretty much what I'm thinking, especially since I'm not presenting female anywhere near full-time yet.  Maybe next year but if that happens I'll have told everyone beforehand.

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Agreed.

The day is for the holiday, not about the 'coming out day' for the one in transition.

Allow these examples.

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One cousin invited me all-expences-paid on a cross-country trip to her wedding (June 1984).  Everyone in my extended family knew my history.  Talk, other than gossip, was kept to a minimum; only one question remained unknown among us all, 'When would they last see Nick and first see Sharon?'.

Sure, I could have attended as Sharon. I was already presenting part-time female and part-time male (mostly only at work and church).  But the wedding was for the couple and their immediate families, not my presentation.  There I am in the various wedding pictures as Nick / male, not Sharon / female.  Rightly so; it was too soon for me.

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Once you are full-time female and once everyone knows who you want to know (directly or indirectly), then there is that certain naturalness to appear as your transitioned persona to such special events.

It came that another cousin cross-state invited me to her wedding (1988); by then I had long been female full-time forever, post-op five years, and everyone throughout family knew my finality.  Yet this cousin had the explicit demand that I was permitted to attend only as Nick / male.  Unless this was to have been a ->-bleeped-<- attire event, her demand to me was obviously unreasonable. 

My father came to give me a ride, brought a most horrid-looking men's suit of orange-brown shade made of polyester, and told me that I either wore that suit or I did not go.  Yech!  No man should ever have worn that monstrosity let alone a woman.  My presence as Sharon / female would have meant no ripples among anyone; I did not attend.

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The message can get worse.

Two years later (1990), my sister got married.  She never as much gave an invite to me; she wanted nothing of my attendance.  She still considers me an embarrassment.

Her daughter's wedding will be in a few months.  My sister told me that I am un-welcomed to her daughter's wedding.

This is when it gets plain and simple to me: family is clearly telling me that I am ostracised. 

These latter situations are when it has nothing to do with whether anyone appears as their 'before' or their 'after', but that you are not welcomed whatsoever at any and all events.

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Hmmm...  I should probably note that although I am attending the holiday parties as myself, I have already come out to everyone who knew the old me.  There should'nt be any great shock or controversy raised by my being there.

These events won't be my 'Coming Out Day', but they may be the first time someone knowingly sees or interacts with a transsexual person.

Yes, I know that some people who don't already know me will see me, clock me, and that may trigger conversations, "Who's the T*" sort of stuff.   I'm sorry if anyone's transphobia ruins the event for them, but I was invited, I am what I am, and as far as I know, there is not requirement that transsexuals become hermits in my country.

Social transition does not normally preclude social contact.

Should someone in charge of such events inform me that I am not welcome I won't attend; but please refrain from inviting me in the future if you don't want me to be there.

yes, be strong

Quote from: Sharon Anne McC on November 05, 2016, 03:35:46 PM
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Once you are full-time female and once everyone knows who you want to know (directly or indirectly), then there is that certain naturalness to appear as your transitioned persona to such special events.

It came that another cousin cross-state invited me to her wedding (1988); by then I had long been female full-time forever, post-op five years, and everyone throughout family knew my finality.  Yet this cousin had the explicit demand that I was permitted to attend only as Nick / male.  Unless this was to have been a ->-bleeped-<- attire event, her demand to me was obviously unreasonable. 

My father came to give me a ride, brought a most horrid-looking men's suit of orange-brown shade made of polyester, and told me that I either wore that suit or I did not go.  Yech!  No man should ever have worn that monstrosity let alone a woman.  My presence as Sharon / female would have meant no ripples among anyone; I did not attend.

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The message can get worse.

Two years later (1990), my sister got married.  She never as much gave an invite to me; she wanted nothing of my attendance.  She still considers me an embarrassment.

Her daughter's wedding will be in a few months.  My sister told me that I am un-welcomed to her daughter's wedding.

This is when it gets plain and simple to me: family is clearly telling me that I am ostracised. 

These latter situations are when it has nothing to do with whether anyone appears as their 'before' or their 'after', but that you are not welcomed whatsoever at any and all events.

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Some pretty rough stuff there Sharon, so sad to hear that.  That long ago and they still act like that?

I'd be really surprised if I got anything like that from my Mom and brother and sisters and their immediate families.  My dad I'm not sure about and it really wouldn't matter as he lives far away, I never see him and talk to him maybe 4 times a year at most. 



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I had planned on talking with the inlaws on Thanksgiving because my wife thought that would be a good time to do it. She has since changed her mind. Her brother and sister now know and we will be talking to her parents soon. Thanksgiving will probably be the first time they get to see the real me.