Hello everybody!!

Hi, I'm new here. I have recently started dating a transman. He is pre-T, well pre- everything. I am the only one who he has came out to. I am a cis lesbian woman. And strangely enough I don't have any worries about us or his transition. That in its self is I guess worriesome. I am happy to hear about milestones and learning about FTM and everything. He recently just got his first packer and binder and I think I'm more stoked than he is. But I guess my concern is, well that I'm not concerned. I don't know if I'm in this happy go lucky stage but then when everything starts happening or once its all said and done that I will be idk different. Or that he will be different. IDK maybe I'm making a deal out of nothing.

I guess I am just looking for some insight on what to expect when dating someone who is transitioning. Or if I should even have expectations. I mean he is learning himself just as I am learning him, right?

OpenAries3, you both are learning about yourselves and each other at the same time.

Similarly I dated someone who thought she was only a lesbian then when I came out (didn't realise I was trans till we dated) she realised pansexual suited her better. She also said she didn't have a problem if I medically transitioned although we broke up before that happened.so who knows if she would have actually been ok with the changes.

So maybe you're not as totally gay as you thought or maybe he's just an exception. So I wouldn't worry about it; it's not always healthy to stick to the same label for life. Just make sure you use the right pronouns and stay away from words that you use affectionately for gim that he may find dysphoric e.g. calling him cute instead of handsome. You'll be fine

Doesn't that make you bisexual then, because when T is taken he will begin with the male characteristics and I assume may want to rid himself of certain female body parts? I guess you will have to find out how you feel when you begin to see stubble and other changes

IDK if that makes me bi. More so, there is just something about him. But I could honestly care less about the labels.  He already has a flat chest/pecks basically from being slender and fit, so the top surgery I don't think will bother me.

Just curious to what to expect out of it all. And wondering when I will have to stop consciously changing the pronouns in my head and it just come out natural without a thought.

But anyways, my overall purpose of joining this site is to learn more about Transmen and women from other people's perspective as well. Hopefully that will happen. 

It wouldn't make you a lesbian to be seeing a transman... their goals are usually to resemble and pass for men as closely as possible, and to been seen as and called men... and I don't know too many lesbians who like men.

One thing I might suggest you expect is that a transman is less likely be comfortable considering themselves a lesbian or to be in a lesbian relationship. Quite a few of them begin in lesbian relationships because they are naturally attracted to women, but do not consider themselves to be lesbians. The label tends to bother quite a few of them.

I agree labels are not important to some people, like myself, but to some people they are something they worry about

ive had one transman roommate (not romantic) and i was talking with another recently and figuring out if there was any connection or not.

all i can is never again.  both had severe anger issues, rage and were out of control. 

the roommate kicked my bedroom door in one night because I had forgotten to put toilet paper back on the holder in the middle of the night. he almost got shot because i was half asleep and had no idea who or why.

the other one turns out had 3 domestic violence charges and stood me up on our first date.  probably a good thing anyhow.

ill stick to women!

Yeah, we're all raging bulls. 

Except me, I feel wonderfully serene on T. It's like someone unplugged the annoying white noise from my brain.

Quote from: audreytn on November 05, 2016, 03:54:05 PM
ive had one transman roommate (not romantic) and i was talking with another recently and figuring out if there was any connection or not.

all i can is never again.  both had severe anger issues, rage and were out of control. 

the roommate kicked my bedroom door in one night because I had forgotten to put toilet paper back on the holder in the middle of the night. he almost got shot because i was half asleep and had no idea who or why.

the other one turns out had 3 domestic violence charges and stood me up on our first date.  probably a good thing anyhow.

ill stick to women!

Pretty sure it had more to do with them being ******** in general as opposed to them being trans men.
I could make several sweeping generalizations about any number of groups, as well, but I'd just be boxing myself in.

Quote from: Stone Magnum on November 06, 2016, 12:35:00 AM
Pretty sure it had more to do with them being ******** in general as opposed to them being trans men.
I could make several sweeping generalizations about any number of groups, as well, but I'd just be boxing myself in.

the roommate never once saw a gid therapist and was self-administering T (he told me this).

the other one wasnt seeing a therapist either but at least had an endo working with him to regulate his T properly.  Not sure how he managed that without a letter from a therapist though.

Just my observations that both thought they knew it all, when they didnt really know much about the process or how to control themselves.

Either way, its just too much for me.