One of my biggest problems to getting any kind of help was my fear of revealing my true self. I was quite fearfull throughout my life to the point of not being able to tell therapists my situation. I could of probably been far more along with transition if I had been able to tell anyone. Grade school was especially a nightmare not being able to seek out help about something that was ripping me apart. I'm 64 and I've known since 4 years old that I was so different , but only 3 years ago was I able to confront it.

I lived in total denial of who I was for thirty years and complete paranoia about being found out too.

yea, it was a total bummer

I'm not afraid anymore at all, as now my identity and how I'm gendered are completely congruent.  I don't need to reveal my true self anymore, because my true self is now already out there for everyone to see, and everyone sees it.

But at the beginning, when all anyone could see was the wrong embodiment?  Oh, terrifying!

I always knew, it was just total fear that kept me down all these years, and only fear of telling my family, others I don't worry so much for.
I have told my mother, gf and brother.
Mother has been really hard on me,
Gf was pure support from day one,
And my brother is super supportive too, i was so afraid, the biggest shock was my brother.
Brother hasn't seen my mother since to let her know he knows yet, then he will try sort her out

Well, I knew I was different from childhood.  I was able to hang a label on it in my early 30s after an encounter with a transwoman.  I kept it buried as a deep dark secret that I had hoped to take to the grave.  I only made it 30 years, then the growing dysphoria and aging brain conspired to bring on suicidal depression and a complete meltdown.

So, yeah, pretty damn afraid until recently.

Now, I've moved out, my wife wants a divorce is is apparently telling her friends I've made a 'lifestyle choice.'  I'm writing long detailed messages about what is happening with me, and shorter 'elevator pitches' I can give to others as part of coming out.  I have no fears about coming out at this point.  I may lose friends, but I may also make new ones.

TL;DR - was afraid, now I'm out and not afraid.

For over 50 years I was absolutely terrified of telling anyone. Wish I would have had more courage, maybe I could have transitioned decades ago.
Funny though, after HRT and coming out to the first couple of people, I've had no fear of telling anyone.

the estrogen made a big difference for me in confronting it

I am my early 60's also and I always knew there was something different about me.
At first I thought I was just a little perverted by enjoying wearing women's clothes.
Later I thought there was something truly wrong with me.
I was afraid people would find out.
Now I know that the only thing that is truly wrong with me is that I did not admit to the world earlier on that I am transgender and want to transition.
I tried telling my wife. She was supportive at first but not now.
I still need to tell people, and I enjoy doing it.
I love telling people I am transgender.
But, since I have not pushed the issue again with my wife lately, I have not officially come out at work. I really want to negotiate this one with my wife and stay married to her. I think eventually, but not soon with her. However I enjoy telling trusted co-workers, retiring supervisor, managers who have been transferred, all the sales people I come across when I buy clothes, and all my neighbors at my vacation beach property.

I'm not sure what kind of difference it would of made for me to be able to talk to a therapist about this when I went for drug counseling in college, but I know because of my inability to tell anyone I was in this vicious cycle of crossdressing and hiding and I know my relationships were damaged. I know my life in grade school was damaged because of this severe weight I was carrying around. I was an extremely shy kid so it would of been a miracle to pry this information out of me.

i still remember the extreme terror of coming out to my parents back then, and subsequently facing rejection. now that it has been a couple of years and things have mellowed down, im not as terrified as back then. i guess im just super grateful i never got thrown out of the house. but damn, it was the hardest thing i've ever done and i had no idea where i got the courage from. that's why i feel so much for anyone that has gone through the same process or is in the process of coming out to anyone. it's really a terrifying ordeal and there's never a guarantee things will go well. as a result of the experiences i've gone through, it still takes me a while to open up to someone about something so intimate and personal if they wanted to know more about my background story. i have to do it on my own terms and under certain conditions.

I was super terrified of telling my wife but I ended up having a fevered mental breakdown while working away from home that was the wake up call. I'm glad I told my wife as that took a lot of weight from shoulders. I told my sister and that was good too. I haven't told my parents. I saw a video of Gigi gorgeous crying because she never got to tell her mom before she died and I don't want my parent to pass without them knowing who I am deep down. Is terrifying though

The only times I ever tell anyone about my "situation" is when it is relevant. Otherwise, nobody needs to know. By this, I mean that my doctors need to know.

As for "who I was", nobody finds out what my name was. Nobody needs to know that. The last time I had to give anyone that information, was when I had my name legally changed.

It's weird, I had little issue with worrying about rejection for coming out: I don't really DO closets.  I think my main issue though was worrying about coming out and changing my mind, because 1) I didn't want to deal with being "that guy", 2) I'm not exactly mentally stable, and 3) the transgender community doesn't need more people doing that right now.  As I started experimenting and accepting myself (I didn't WANT to be trans, but I'm pretty sure I am) I started getting more comfortable with talking openly about it, because I worry less about being wrong now that I know what I'm talking about.

With my psychologists, it was odd, because I was there for PTSD, and didn't feel comfortable bringing it up when I had bigger issues.  I think it was just the leap of taking it to a professional that I was bothered by, and even discussing it with him is still making me uncomfortable.  I don't know what it is about it... I guess maybe I'm still worried about changing my mind or something...

I was just terrified of bringing it up with the psychiatrists I've seen in my past even though it was probably the root cause of all my issues .I saw a lot of psychiatrists when I was going to college because I had been an LSD junky, but never a word from my mouth about the true issue.

I have had a rather compressed journey compared to most of you. When I began year 67 I had no clue about any gender identity variance in my life. Late in my 68th year I am 4 plus months into hrt and out to many. A political bell ringer just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out who or what she was talking to, all very pleasant but I believe that she was feeling awkward. Things turned around for me during a mega melt down about a month ago. I hit the point where I realized that I no longer (actually I probably never) had control of who I am. It was a tough wrestling match, one that I almost didn't survive. Before that match I was out and a bit open, since then I have only a few reservations about who I share my identity with. My sole criteria at this point is, "would it be better for the other person if they did not know about me?". My 95 year old mother is an example. She is struggling to maintain any sanity at all in her life and she will most probably not be here this time next year. It would do her no good at all to learn that she has one less son and one more daughter. She would try to process what was being said and if she could possibly understand the nature of the discussion it would only bring her pain. My EXTREMELY right wing conservative sister and brother in law fit into the same category, no gain to be had with them knowing, only strife and suffering. For the rest of my world it is mostly an open field with amazing acceptance and a few very painful losses but keeping secrets was much more painful and trying.

Anne

I frankly didn't care. It's their lives not mine. As a result, I didn't fear because there nothing to fear. Either they were with me or not. Hugs
Mariah

I am new to membership here but I have been following and reading for several years. At the encouragement of several people I decided to create a profile.

I was terrified!  I pondered how it would happen for years, literally years. Then I finally had had enough and just simply had to tell my wife.  That was this past summer. She encouraged me to see a GT and attend a support group, both I have done.  The next big fear was yelling her sister who is very supportive of the LGBT community. Well, just last night we decided to make the call.  I was terrified once again but now that I have told her the relief is tremendous. I'm not sure where this journey will take me but I am looking forward to the ride.
Paula

I spent at least 30 years or more in denial, i.e. not even telling myself.  Once I was done with that ("Yep, I'm trans.  Now what?"), I knew had to tell my wife.  The fear surrounding that was intense; it almost paralyzed me.  From the time I decided I had to tell her until I actually did was probably something like six months.

Many, many times, I decided that it was time to tell her, yes, I'm going to do it.  Any second now.  Right now.  Take a deep breath.  Tongue starting to form the first worrd.  And I would back out in a panic attack.  That happened a lot over those months.

When I finally did it, I just kept telling myself over and over, "Gotta do it.  Gotta do it."  Finally, I dissociated and heard my own voice speaking the words I had rehearsed, thinking, "OMG, I am actually saying it!"

Once I was past that hurdle, the rest came easily.  I told my neighbour an hour or two later, and then some email friends.

I still have fears about how I will be perceived in public when I am presenting, but I can do a pretty good "Damn the torpedoes" when I have to.

Quote from: PaulaLee on November 13, 2016, 06:52:20 PM
I am new to membership here but I have been following and reading for several years. At the encouragement of several people I decided to create a profile.

I was terrified!  I pondered how it would happen for years, literally years. Then I finally had had enough and just simply had to tell my wife.  That was this past summer. She encouraged me to see a GT and attend a support group, both I have done.  The next big fear was yelling her sister who is very supportive of the LGBT community. Well, just last night we decided to make the call.  I was terrified once again but now that I have told her the relief is tremendous. I'm not sure where this journey will take me but I am looking forward to the ride.
Paula

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