I have thought about this my whole life; does being at odds with one's gender make you depressed, or does being depressed make you more at odds with your gender? While surely there is some cross-over, I feel I have at least a slightly better understanding of what makes it so unbearable at times.
These days, I am taking finasteride for MPB. Many people say that puberty is a terrible time for transgendered people, but to be honest, I have blocked most of that out. I am, however, at the stage in my life where my hair is starting to go. As a transgendered woman, this is the worst time for me in my life. So, finasteride works well. I was also fortunate enough to find a hair clinic that prescribes a small amount of spiro to go with it, tehehe.
Finasteride makes me somewhat depressed, but I continue to take it, because it reduces the awful male hormones within me, and I can't bare to think of losing my hair and appearing even more male. Whenever I take finasteride, however, my so-called GID gets worse. Most of the time it's unbearable, to the point where it is the only thought on my mind. When I'm not on finasteride, my GID is always, always there, but it is not crippling, merely awful. So I ask you all this:

Does being at odds with one's gender make you depressed, or does being depressed make you more at odds with your gender?

I've had enough experience with depression to say it makes everything worse.

I'm not sure I understand the value of finasteride for an mtf, it converts T to DHT so I guess the effect is in allowing one to keep the so called good effects of testosterone while eliminating the bad effects on prostate and hair loss.

Why not just take estrogen? For me IM injected estradiol valerate has completely suppressed testosterone and resulted in good feminization. And while my balding ship sailed long ago, there's been an unexpected slight reversal.

There is also no doubt that disphoria has been one of the principal causes of my ongoing depression and HRT has been the best solution so far but this doesn't mean I didn't have to address the other roots of depression.

Quote from: SadieBlake on November 08, 2016, 06:35:37 AM
I'm not sure I understand the value of finasteride for an mtf, it converts T to DHT

Finasteride blocks the conversion of T to DHT.

E by itself will suppress T production, but using blockers like F allow lower doses of E.

If I may re-confirm... finasteride blocks DHT. It actually increases T a little. This, in turn, can be reconverted, thus my hair 'specialist' prescribed the smallest dose of spiro to block the extra T. I'm very lucky, cos 99% of 'first world' 'specialists' wouldn't prescribe spiro for 'men'. God, too many inverted commas. Anyway, my point still stands; the increase in depression I feel from finasteride has made my disphoria much worse, and in a way, tipped me over the edge into being very close to starting transition. I just wonder if, without this medication, would I have been able to hold off / perhaps just manage?

QuoteI just wonder if, without this medication, would I have been able to hold off / perhaps just manage?

Maybe, for a little while.  I doubt it would be a permanent fix.  My experience has been that trying to hold off and just manage to get by wound up making things worse.  Every time I've tried that since I started treatment has resulted in a mental/emotional crash.  I managed to pick myself up and move forward again, but was never successful at just holding things off forever.

We do have members here who have managed to hold off from moving through transition for years, but that requires some serious inner strength and support from others.  I just didn't have that.

yeah my strength reserve is all tapped out myself(as in holding off)well almost i am here arent i?

knowing the reason is half the battle and it wont be like this forever


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk