Like others  I've been confronted by this curious way of experiencing life. I've lived with this for 65 years. It's been quite a trip. For a long time it was this powerful wave pushing me forcing me to try to deal with it. For all those years it controlled me and I had no clue as to why, it was something I had to deal with on a daily bases too afraid to reach out. I finally began the long overdue process of transition and a whole new perspective awakened in me. I found Susan's and realized what a powerful tool this represented in try to find help and answers . I think others are aware that I seem to post a lot. I find delving into the trans topic is quite liberating. I'm so interested in trying to understand this situation of gender identity. I'm just curious how others view their situation  of being born trans . Do you feel its something to be understood or is it something that you just need to learn to deal with on a practical  level or a combination of a lot of things. Sorry I'm just curious.

Quote from: stephaniec on November 08, 2016, 10:41:52 PM
Like others  I've been confronted by this curious way of experiencing life. I've lived with this for 65 years. It's been quite a trip. For a long time it was this powerful wave pushing me forcing me to try to deal with it. For all those years it controlled me and I had no clue as to why, it was something I had to deal with on a daily bases too afraid to reach out. I finally began the long overdue process of transition and a whole new perspective awakened in me. I found Susan's and realized what a powerful tool this represented in try to find help and answers . I think others are aware that I seem to post a lot. I find delving into the trans topic is quite liberating. I'm so interested in trying to understand this situation of gender identity. I'm just curious how others view their situation  of being born trans . Do you feel its something to be understood or is it something that you just need to learn to deal with on a practical  level or a combination of a lot of things. Sorry I'm just curious.

To be honest i could tell you something today and it change tomorrow
But let me say this: Don't say sorry you've done nothing wrong sorry is word given when someone does something wrong or feels bad. So don't feel bad you're asking a question and the reason being you're curious and that is enough and okay. I'm someone who attempts to deal with being transgender but i don't think i've completely grasped that as much as i believed i did, and i struggle with this because i struggle understanding why even when people tell me it's my brain and it's who i am inside. I still struggle to grasp that concept, and i ask myself why me?
But despite all of this i also think i'm someone who is both because as much as i struggle,question and deal with it but i also try to understand why and i think trying to understand why is a very common and sought out thing for our community being the world shames us so bad that sometimes we just want to understand everything to help them and us for the better. I also want to say you had a very good question despite what anyone may or may not think
it was a good question because you where curious and a good question because it also made me think and a question that also makes me think i always enjoy reading.

thanks

I would love to know why?, but it does not eat me up inside or have me worrying day in day out, I am very happy being me and enjoy my life so much more, and I am only out to 3 people.
For anyone who has a problem with me, I don't even spend two brain cells think about those people!
I am happy, people need to stop worrying about these types of questions, if both trans and cis people never cared to think about it, it wouldn't be a thing!

It's a medical issue, not all of which have obvious answers at this point..

Other.

To me it was never a matter of "being trans" so much as "needing to be gendered female."  In other words, it was always about the dysphoria.  And I don't think "trans" really captures that particular experience or need.  If anything, I think it tends to obscure it.  Which makes sense, because dysphoria really really sucks. 

Understanding that the issue was dysphoria, and that the path to alleviating it was getting the gendering I needed, it was a lot easier to focus on what I had to do to make that reality happen.  Which then led into really examining and understanding how we construct gender -- not just the "we" who experience GD, but the rest of the world which doesn't. Because lo and behold, if gender is socially constructed (and I'm pretty damn sure it is), then we have to figure out how to navigate a social experience which is going to extend beyond our safe little enclave. 

I think most of us need a particular sort of gendering, and it's most beneficial to keep that in mind as we consider our choices for moving forward, whether you consider yourself "trans" or not.

I feel that asking why is like asking why my eyes have the color they do. I became aware of my gender at the age of three, when my sister was born.

Had to put other for when I had a weird puberty,i started to research on my own to find what was wrong with me and learned to be good at disguise so I could survive.

For me things changed a lot when I realized my dysphoria is a medical condition, probably due to prenatal event. I read several converging studies on the topic, for example "The gendered self" book by Anne Vitale. These scientific results happened to be key for me to understand why I could not get rid of my dysphoria through a psychological approach, in spite of a strong desire to be "normal". And this is for me confirmed by the effect of low dose HRT, calming my dysphoria since 18 months, although I still present as a male.

I sure wish I could weigh in on your question, but not having the benefit (if you could call it that) of living in male mode and experiencing the world as male makes it difficult for me to respond. For me, it is like you asking why I am female and how I deal with it. I know that sounds strange.  Trans is not a word or state of being I identify with -- but I know that is what my physical body is/was. When I was in my early teens, the difficulty it presented was in dating and probably not being able to consummate what I was feeling towards my love interest because of my insecurity and warnings from my parents (and that is a good thing). My sisters, on the other hand, never really saw it as a danger for me, but we did talk about our boyfriends. Rarely was the 'peepee' thing mentioned -- if ever.

All I really need to know is that it is a medical condition.  Knowing that is helpful in keeping guilt and shame at bay.  Having said that, I am pretty sure I know the reason in my case: DES.  It doesn't really matter, though.  That is in the past.  It's the present and future I'm more interested in.

I tried to understand it. For a long, long time. It made my head hurt. It was akin to trying to understand the meaning of life. Like trying to understand why I enjoy poetry, or the colour blue. Or Pringles.

One day I changed the "Why am I...?" to "I am..." and that made my head hurt less. So that's kind of how I've been ever since. It allows me to look outward towards the beauty in the world, rather than inwards to the tangled, twisted mess inside my own head. And I much prefer that, lol. If there is an answer, I figure it will find me when I'm not looking for it. Like car keys.

that's what happened to me , I just said yes I am

thanks for all the replies

In the beginning I wondered what the cause was. I thought that I could possibly be intersexed, but I had a normal karyotype test, so I'm not. I thought that perhaps there was some other reason like androgen insensitivity, but my body length compared to my leg length doesn't fit the criteria, so eventually I stopped caring why, because it really isn't that important to me anymore. And  one of the biggest reasons why I even cared anyway was so that I could justify my transiton to others by presenting some type of biological reason for my feelings and core identity, in hopes that it would have somehow made my social transition easier and given me the golden ticket of acceptance.

I just finally came to accept myself so it really  doesn't matter so much as to why. I just find science interesting and science fiction too.

Understanding that I am definitely trans was more important than why I am trans. That knowledge changed my life. Knowing why I am like I am was important mostly when I came out. I made sure people knew this wasn't a whim or a choice. When you look forward to going to bed at 4 years old so  you can dream about being a girl, it tells me that there is no decision aspect to this. The idea that some hormonal event happened is a good enough explanation to me. In my case, if I focus too much on a "cause" it is uncomfortable. I want to accept myself. I don't want to point to something like I'm saying, "See, it's not my fault."  I guess after denying being trans  for so long, I want ownership of me rather than focusing on an excuse as to why I am me.
Moni
PS Just to be clear. This is my way, not a criticism of the way others see things.

I got hit at 4 too

I put some thought and reading into it. I think I hoped to explain it away so I could have a reason to bury it as if it was dirty.

In the end it's developmental so it "just is" and that's all it needs to be. My breakthrough came when I finally admitted it both to myself and my SO. It was so freeing to hear that I was not defect for being me.

Also was first felt around 4 .

For me, "coping" has never been an option. I'm not going to sit around and let my problem become my curse. I want to know why it happened and I'm all for research that can both fix it and prevent it from happening to other people. The medical technology is there. Penis transplants for FTMs are starting in 2017 and regenerative medicine and genetic engineering have shown that biological sex changes and printed, functional ovaries are both possible. Soon there will be a lot less transgender people who will have to live through hell for diversity's sake, unless that's what they choose to do.