Quote from: Mia on November 04, 2016, 01:32:47 PM
The final push was a discussion I had over 2-3 sessions with my therapist, centering on why I didn't want to transition. Every time we had the discussion, it boiled down to what other people might think. Never about what I wanted. A light came on - what about ME? MY life? Further, we got down to "worst-case scenarios" such as what people might say or do. I realized that my fears were not very realistic, and that I was living a life based on my very low expectations of the people I associated with. No wonder I was angry and withdrawn.

I transitioned and just about all of the fears I had harbored throughout the buildup were completely unfounded. I found love and support from the vast majority of acquaintances - and even had numerous people confide in me that they wished they could be so "brave" in their own lives. Day to day life as a woman has been the most incredibly joyful experience ever, even from the very beginning when being "clocked" can cause incredible angst or self-doubt. I came to realize how cheap I had felt my life was before, how almost suicidal I had been in my day-to-day decisions and attitudes. I finally understand what so many people have expressed, the feeling of a second birth and authenticity.

Mia,
Like you all of my reasons for not transitioning have to do with my relationship with family members. It will probably mean divorce or separation. My son is in his second year of a four year Doctoral Program and he tends to obsess and stress over things. I am trying to wait until at least May when he completes his second year. He will then be done with all his classes on mainly only have his dissertation to work on. My daughter says she wants me to walk her down the isle, when she marries, as a man and father. She is not even engaged yet but is 31 years old and in a serious relationship. This all makes for a tough decision but at the same time I feel I am falling deeper and deeper into depression and have to do something to save myself from destruction. Hopefully I can hold on until at least May.

I'm not there yet but God do I want to be! For me it has been that I'm just so tired of playing the part. Once I finally truly accepted myself I don't want anything else.

Realizing that the problems I was waiting to be dealt with (PTSD, finishing my bachelors, etc) weren't going to be dealt with anytime soon and that I'm already 25 and need to get a move on figuring this out.  I don't want to be a 50 year old man suddenly realizing he's missed the chance to be a young(ish) woman...

As I mentioned before, I am one of the seemingly very many Transgender M-F who is being slowed in her progression to desired transition by not wanting to wind up divorced in the process. I really, really love my wife.
My birthday is Friday.
My wife and two children who are in college or graduate school asked me what I want most for my birthday.
I didn't tell them what I really want.
I may never get this, but what I really want and dream of is full transition with my marriage intact, and with my wife and I renewing our vows of marriage, but now as wife and wife.

My wife, as I have said, has retracted her initial sympathy and support for my needs for womanhood, forcing me into stealth mode with her. She is also in her sixties. I think maybe in a few years we will have to re-visit a transition within marriage. Right now I feel as if I am going to burst waiting.
I compensate by gradually increasing the circle of people that I come out to and announce I am transgender.

Quote from: PrincessCrystal on November 08, 2016, 10:17:16 PM
Realizing that the problems I was waiting to be dealt with (PTSD, finishing my bachelors, etc) weren't going to be dealt with anytime soon and that I'm already 25 and need to get a move on figuring this out.  I don't want to be a 50 year old man suddenly realizing he's missed the chance to be a young(ish) woman...

From age 60, there's not much ish in the concept of being young at 25 ;-) just sayin'

Quote from: Donna on November 09, 2016, 07:09:04 PM
As I mentioned before, I am one of the seemingly very many Transgender M-F who is being slowed in her progression to desired transition by not wanting to wind up divorced in the process. I really, really love my wife.
My birthday is Friday.
My wife and two children who are in college or graduate school asked me what I want most for my birthday.
I didn't tell them what I really want.
I may never get this, but what I really want and dream of is full transition with my marriage intact, and with my wife and I renewing our vows of marriage, but now as wife and wife.

My wife, as I have said, has retracted her initial sympathy and support for my needs for womanhood, forcing me into stealth mode with her. She is also in her sixties. I think maybe in a few years we will have to re-visit a transition within marriage. Right now I feel as if I am going to burst waiting.
I compensate by gradually increasing the circle of people that I come out to and announce I am transgender.

Donna, I too find myself gradually increasing my circle of friends who I come out too. I sometimes wonder if I am subconsciously doing this hoping that someone will spill the beans and news will spread so fast I will have to finally come out to everyone and feel that I might as well transition fully since everyone would now know.

Well, for my birthday I received a very poignant gift from my daughter. I am not out to my daughter, but probably I think she would be the first in my family to accept me as Donna. I may have mentioned that I am a surfer. When I surf without my wife or daughter I always wear my very form fitting woman's wet suit with breast forms underneath, and I wear waterproof makeup. My daughter gave me this sign to post on our beach property as a joke, but it is very appropriate to how I feel at my favorite beach on the Washington State coast, not Waikiki:

Quote from: Donna on November 12, 2016, 09:05:06 PMI am not out to my daughter, but probably I think she would be the first in my family to accept me as Donna.

Maybe she has figured things out?  Nice gift either way!

Quote from: Donna on November 12, 2016, 09:05:06 PM
I am not out to my daughter, but probably I think she would be the first in my family to accept me as Donna.

Yes, I think maybe your daughter has figured it out and is giving you a sign to open the conversation. She may feel awkward about starting it herself, but is giving you an in to starting the conversation.

Suicide of a deer friend was the big thing that nudged me back into transition. Hugs
Mariah