Other: Basically, no, and I don't hate anything about it. That's just how I am, and I consider the question "why are you trans" as beneficial as "why are you cis".

Of course, one might think about what trans* is and why some people are trans* and others aren't, but this is a rather academical question and when thinking about it, ethical implications (like: is this asked as a neutral question or does it separate people into "valuable" and "less valuable" people?) should always be kept in mind.

At the beginning. I cared more about the reason why, but there's no point. I am having a hard time going through the days... seeing people getting married, having kids, raising a family, and here I am just waiting for a someday that probably will never happened. If 1 is a man, and 2 is a woman, and 3 equals a child, then all the 2's of my life will never give me what I want. And I will never have a child. Simple math like that.

There's no point in caring the reason why, it just is. It's like why am I born human and not an insect or an alien from the planet X. No reason. It's a combination of an infinite possibilities that occur that created my existence.

I understand why I'm partially transmale, and I also found a way to deal with it.

In my case, my brother was born 11 months before I was, so I absorbed his male hormones in the womb. This is common, even in animals.

Although my body developed as female in the first trimester, in the second trimester, the loose male hormones formatted my right brain hemisphere forming a male personality, and my normal female hormones formatted my left side.
Studies show that male traits mostly stay on the right, and female traits on the left brain hemispheres.

The proof is in my finger lengths..my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers, indicating strong influence of prenatal male hormone.

Long ring fingers are also associated with higher occurrence of varying levels of dyslexia, high level musical ability, ability to visualize concepts in engineering, physical abilities, ability to maintain a mental map, and male-like behavior in women, including me.

The extra male hormone can be caused by many reasons; heredity, stress, drugs taken during pregnancy, or things like a woman having recently given birth to a male. Residual testosterone can be absorbed in the womb by a female baby born soon afterward as what happened to me.

http://viewzone2.com/fingers.html

Since I have both male and female hormone brain formatting, I have both a male and a female personality. My male mode is stronger but my female side is bossier.

The constant conflict of the gender sides caused stress, and the predominance of the male side caused dysphoria. When I looked in the mirror I didn't recognize the reflection as my own and couldn't look at my photos.

I solved most of the dysphoria problems when I discovered that the common Thai herb used to cure back pain, derris scandens, also integrated my dyslexic brain and blended my gender sides..I feel like one person now.

Here's a link to one source of derris scandens, in case it is able to help someone else. If nothing else, it's a great muscle relaxer, with no side effects.   http://www.oasis-stad.com/product.php?id_product=518

thanks for the replies

I found this older poll and voted.

For many years I tried to learn as much about this condition as I could, I read research papers, articles, books, all things trans. Having accepted myself, I have worked toward optimizing my life giving the circumstances I was given.

I don't worry about it like I used to, it just is.

C -

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 09, 2016, 09:05:05 AM
All I really need to know is that it is a medical condition.  Knowing that is helpful in keeping guilt and shame at bay.  Having said that, I am pretty sure I know the reason in my case: DES.  It doesn't really matter, though.  That is in the past.  It's the present and future I'm more interested in.

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 09, 2016, 08:53:15 PM
Understanding that I am definitely trans was more important than why I am trans. That knowledge changed my life. Knowing why I am like I am was important mostly when I came out. I made sure people knew this wasn't a whim or a choice. When you look forward to going to bed at 4 years old so  you can dream about being a girl, it tells me that there is no decision aspect to this. The idea that some hormonal event happened is a good enough explanation to me. In my case, if I focus too much on a "cause" it is uncomfortable. I want to accept myself. I don't want to point to something like I'm saying, "See, it's not my fault."  I guess after denying being trans  for so long, I want ownership of me rather than focusing on an excuse as to why I am me.
Moni
PS Just to be clear. This is my way, not a criticism of the way others see things.

I fought it for so long....

Understanding that I'm a DES daughter (are there really any DES sons?) may provide an explanation - but it doesn't matter...

I've always been this way.  Yes I repressed it; lived up to the expectations put upon me as AMAB - or so I thought....

Do I try to understand?  Maybe in my past; I did.  Now I just accept that this is how God made me.  I look around and realize how blest I am.  How many people in the world can have an idea of what both genders feel like?  How many can understand and empathize with a cis male and a cis female?   

Yes it's medical.  My hormones were all screwed up.  20 years of antidepressants only gave me the side effects.  4 weeks of Estradiol and I finally found the peace I had been so desperately seeking.

A little understanding helps.  But we can't focus on it.  We simply have to live each day as it comes.  So I guess I just deal with it.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

For me, it's a merely academic question, and only interesting on that level.

Emotionally? I don't want or need an explanation. I get to be a girl!  I'm too busy doing cartwheels to look a gift horse in the mouth!

I already know why I am Trans(or more precisely a woman).  It is as simple as breathing, you just know who you are.  That is why I don't particularly believe in de-transition as a construct of going back to your 'previous gender'.  Transition is difficult, and sometimes deciding to live in a body non-congruent is easier to deal with.  But you cant change who you are, you can only suppress it.  On the side of 'dealing with it', you're presented with a problem and you can chose your own way to 'deal with it'.  Be it transition or not. Understanding and dealing with it are not exclusive.

Dysphoria is a problem of society, it is where things like confusion and pain arise from due to everything that needs to be dealt with.  From passing, to fitting into groups, religion, family.  Things that in a perfect society would mostly be non-factors.  It is where you find denial in who you are.  In a perfect society gender expression, and identity would not be something questioned or cared about.  But we've a long way to go before we reach that point.  People fear homogeneity and for good reasons, but that couldn't be further from the truth if you open humanity to explore the parts of their existence openly and without fear of repercussion.

Never tried to understand as just dealt with it.
We are who we are, we do what we do. There is no try. x

I tried to dig up answers to the why for some time. Was it a childhood experience, was my mother taking drugs while I was in the womb, was it stress she experienced while I was in the womb, was it my genes?... I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know the answer to that one. There just isn't enough information on offer. Even science doesn't know yet so I'm not sure what hope I've got of getting to the bottom of it.

I'm ok with not knowing why exactly, but it's harder to deal with the idea of having this problem/issue/condition when you've convinced yourself in life that every problem you might have is a solveable one, like I have. I was brought up to believe there is nothing you cannot overcome but I know now that's not really true. Some things just are and cannot be side-stepped or denied or ignored. Practically, it's not difficult to live with it if I convince myself to just get on with things. Philosophically though, I have some issues dealing with the idea that I must be missing essential parts of the average human experience and will never have them. That caused me some bitterness and resentment. I can feel and know that I am fundamentally incomplete now, and I am not sure how to reconcile myself with it just yet. I'll find a way though, of course. 

Finally understanding who I am is all I really need. As to why the physical and the mental did not match up in the womb is biology and chemistry well beyond my schooling. I have a solid case to claim being a "DES" baby, which evidently increases the chance of being a trans women by 30x (not 30%, but 30x). I feel that if I started waiving that as "the reason" it would be an excuse. Something to "blame". I do not want or need something to blame as i do not see myself as a victim. I just accept it as one of the many unique things about me that I cherish.

Ricki