AMAB. Has had 'genderfluid' tendencies, though I don't want to use the label.

A part of me has wondered: 'well, what if I DID change my gender to female? Wouldn't that be so much fun?' I suppose a part of me would enjoy to be a woman on the outside, even if only for a week. But alas...I really think that in the end, it would be more trouble than it's worth. To have to change a huge portion of my identity: the person I built myself to be. The man I built myself to be.... My name, everything. To have to spend all that money, come out to family and friends...live as someone else, with different roles and expectations: I don't want that. To have to be catcalled in the street, to have to focus more on beauty, to have to take on society's female roles...I don't want that.

So I'm going to have to love being a man. It would seem I only have two choices: a biological man or a transgender woman. Of the two... I need to be happy as a biological man. Because there's no way I can ever be a biological woman from birth.

Snidi,

Perhaps as non binary you can be happy accepting the male part publicly. Maybe you can explore the female side in private.

I think for most of us here who have headed down  a path to transition(however far we choose to go), we do not feel much of a choice. Yes, changing all those legal aspects and coming out over and over is a pain but there is that or trying to continue with self destructive habits. Transition does not mean all of one thing or the other. That is where your non binary tendencies will come in handy for you.

As a person who could not put a word to what I am till late (about 50), I can say it has always been there. I guess what I am saying is if you can choose and live that choice, great. Embrace it. Be happy.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Snidi

So many of us who are non binary have had similar thoughts.  In my case I realised that I was asking the wrong question.  Ironically, I was thinking of this as being a simple choice, a binary choice between no transition and a binary transition. 

It wasn't until I realised:
-   that there was a whole world of possibility between these two 'book ends';
-   that there was a real opportunity to reduce or to eradicate my dysphoria;
-   that I could release my gender 'strait jacket'; and
-   that I could find/express a more authentic self;
that I was able to move forward and find a much richer and fulfilling life.

There is a lot that you can do to find that 'sweet spot', that point between the two 'book ends'.  Perhaps you may find that expressing more of your female self is important; perhaps it is the dysphoria that you wish to shut down; perhaps you wish to access and to express both your masculine and your feminine according to situation or to fancy  ...  it doesn't really matter as this is entirely your call. 

Denial and defeat are over rated.  You have one life.  Go out and live it.  Dysphoria is a curse.  Many of us have found that it won't go away unless you seek help and address it.

As a first step find a competent gender therapist,  They will help you unpack your feelings and your objectives.  From there find a good doctor, a good endo and a great support group and they will help you on your journey. 

Safe travels

Aisla

Snidi

Sorry I missed your other thread, 'telling friends'.  Without access to a gender therapist the next best alternative is accessing a general therapist.  Perhaps speaking with a local support group may help you find one who has some relevant experience even if they are not a gender specialist.  There is only so much work that you can do by yourself.

Aisla

Well put Aisla,

I too am having some gender dysphoria, and I really don't know how far I want to go for transition. I am fairly satisfied being a man, but I have always wondered if my anger issues and unhappiness with my appearance I've had since puberty might go away with at the very least partial transition. I am lucky to be able to go to a therapist and have a spouse that supports me going to counselling(although she doesn't know about the dysphoria diagnosis yet) but friends and family aren't enough to work through all the issues associated with gender dysphoria. I have not told anyone outside of Susans.org yet, and I hope with the support of this community plus my therapist and possibly a support group I will be able to let all my family know about my choice to change hopefully sooner rather than later.

Good luck to you Snidi I hope you can find your place in the gender spectrum.