Hi everyone.
Newbie here, just saying hi and giving my story, I'll try to keep it brief.
I'm Samantha, 34, TG lady. I'm here because I think my life would be easier on my mental health if I could live as a woman. I want to make the reality of my face and body go away by endeavouring to live in a body I feel would be 'me'.
These feelings have been growing stronger for most of this year in a way that I feel the need to present female for much of the time I am at home. I ache to go out and live this way but I have a fairly masculine face, voice and height (6'6") and all of this bothers me as I don't really want the headaches that may result. I'm letting fear steer me and I know that's wrong.
I started out the way a number of people do, crossdressing in mum's clothes in youth, guilt, denial, worry.
Over time the guilt and denial are over, all that's left is fear.
I don't want to grow old with testosterone letting my body fade into eternal masculinity.
I hate my face without makeup on. Makeup makes it easier, and forms/clothes are a help.
But it doesn't feel 'right'... Don't know how else to describe it. Just, no matter what I do to make myself feel more feminine, it's just not quite 'right'.
And now my wife knows I feel like I need to become more feminine, things moved along pretty quick.
The same day I went for referral bloods for the GIC, I came out to my parents, and my wife told hers (I said she could), then a month later I came out to my brother.... All of whom have been accepting, and for this I feel very lucky.
New year will see me looking for a place to start laser (will be rid of my god awful face spikes, it's pretty jarring seeing my face with stubble, but my skin cant cope with daily close shaves).
I'm happy at the though of a social and hormonal transition, I really would love to live as a woman, for real.
But there's still this whopping great beast on my back telling me it's a mistake, that I wont be happy if I start hormones, that my life will hit a downward spiral, that I'll regret it, or any number of things that comes with a high anxiety mind.
So then I tell myself I wont present in public until I'm on hormones/blockers for a good while, then I can get rid of my facial hair in good time, as well as beginning a public coming-out.
Am I over thinking this? My thoughts are such a constant chatter regarding my gender, I end up over thinking details.
Am I mad?
I could go on at length, for more insight into my messed up life, here is my blog.
http://sometimessamantha.blogspot.co.uk/The last 2 posts are the most relevant to my current situation.
I'm just looking for simple answers to complicated questions.
