Quote from: KathyLauren on November 16, 2016, 07:41:58 AM
... I looked back at my life to see how various attitudes and incidents might fit in with that.  As it turned out, and what convinced me, was that pretty much everything fit perfectly:
- wishing I was a girl at age 7 (the girl in the photo had such a cute dress!)
- cross-dressing from about age 13 on
- being sexually assaulted at age 16
- despising masculinity and jock culture
- rooting for the women's lib movement
- never being the initiator for sexual activity
- constant fantasizing about being a woman
- inability to stop cross-dressing

Point by point that's pretty accurately my story as well. As early as age 6 or 7 I started thinking about being a girl. Between the ages of about 11 and 13, an older boy friend of mine coaxed me into roleplaying "the way older boys and girls do." He played the man; I the woman. I liked it very much, his strength and being protected. I discovered a nurturing and affectionate side of myself that was able to express itself to him. A little older, I started fantasizing about being the girl partner to sexy men. From a young age and into my early 30s, I was constantly mistaken for a girl, which secretly warmed my heart and soul.

In my late teens, three men made unwanted sexual advances on me, and one persued me quite aggressively, which made me strongly understand and identify with what women go through. Men making passes at me continued into my mid 30s. Sexually, I have never been the initiator, which caused problems in relationships--to the point that one woman secretly slipped a drug in my drink to "loosen me up" and get me to bed.

My best friends have always been women, and typical "guy" culture puts me off as I simply cannot play the role. Cross-dressing has been a part of my life since teenage years.

There came a point when I could no longer avoid considering the whole picture. Eventually this let me accept who I am. Acceptance was key for me being comfortable in my own skin--and happy.

Quote from: Elis on November 16, 2016, 06:44:42 AM
I having nothing to lose if I see if living as (fe)male would be better. I think every trans person hits this wall eventually.

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Quote from: T.K.G.W. on November 16, 2016, 07:16:50 AM
However when it comes to the bedroom and relationships - you cannot ignore it and the problem is absolutely unavoidable there. And because of that, I knew I had a genuine problem.

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Quote from: KathyLauren on November 16, 2016, 07:41:58 AM
- wishing I was a girl at age 7 (the girl in the photo had such a cute dress!)
- cross-dressing from about age 13 on
- despising masculinity and jock culture
- constant fantasizing about being a woman
- inability to stop cross-dressing

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Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 16, 2016, 07:49:19 AM
Being gendered one way made me dysphoric (angry, sad, scared, disgusted) and being gendered the other way made me feel good.

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Quote from: Mariah on November 16, 2016, 02:06:32 PM
one of things that only made it even more evident was that relationship aspect. In fact, I avoided them all because of what was down below and how I felt about it.

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Quote from: Sno on November 16, 2016, 03:36:07 PM
I could suddenly explain a huge number of 'quirks'

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Quote from: josie76 on November 17, 2016, 08:25:42 PM
My experiences
-Wishing to be a girl at age 4.
-Cross dressing starting around 11 continued through early teens, then just to scared of getting caught again to keep doing it. Always felt "right" in female clothes. Sometimes forgot for a few moments that I was a boy.
-Always unhappy with my maleness of my body.
-Unable to fit into the masculine group, eventually trained myself to act male enough. This still causes me issues with being me today. Around guys I am always self conscious and on guard to not act unmanly.
-always fantasizing about being female.
-always female mentally when masterbating
-feeling offended when guys talked about girls the way they do
-always emotional and sensitive no matter how deeply buried it was

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Quote from: SadieBlake on November 17, 2016, 09:23:51 PM
Starting hormones was all it took to know for sure I'm female and will continue HRT forever.

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All of the above.

I could go from the beginning of my life to when I decided to transition and tell you all the breadcrumbs along the way that got me here, but you're specifically looking for what sealed the deal. That is surprisingly tough for me to pin down.

I found out the word "transgender" when I was 17 after a life up to that point of a lot of discomfort and confusion. I spent months researching what that meant, what transitioning was, and what all could be done. I knew, absolutely, 100% at that point in time that I was transgender. There was no doubt. Unlike the labels I had clung to at earlier points in my life (tomboy, lesbian, butch, etc.), this one completely made sense to me. There was no aspect of it that did not fit. I poured over as many blogs as I could find, talked to my friend (who had come out to me and was the reason I had discovered the word in the first place), and got introduced to other people who identified that way. By my 18th birthday, there was no doubt in my mind that I was absolutely transgender. Sealing the deal in the sense of accepting and identifying as trans for me just took social confirmation. I needed to hear other people's stories and feelings and have them be similar to my own.

Yet it would take me another 8 years to transition. I was absolutely sure of my identity. I made small adjustments in terms of my presentation, tried on some different labels to see if they fit (thinking perhaps I could be happy with androgyny). It took reaching my 25th birthday and realizing that I had lived what will likely be more than a quarter of my life as someone else to really seal the deal. The internal me didn't match the external and I could no longer mentally carry on letting that be the case. I was tired of lying to people, tired of being uncomfortable with myself, tired of my relationships suffering, and tired of putting off the only thing that I knew would help, which was transition.

Now, largely post-transition, I am absolutely sure I did all the right things for me. It's easy to say that looking back, but I was totally terrified along the way. I think the vast majority of us enter into transition with some degree of uncertainty, whether that's with being trans in general or what we need to do in terms of transition to get to a point of stasis.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 10:31:15 AM
I found out the word "transgender" when I was 17 after a life up to that point of a lot of discomfort and confusion. I spent months researching what that meant, what transitioning was, and what all could be done. I knew, absolutely, 100% at that point in time that I was transgender.

Yet it would take me another 8 years to transition. I was absolutely sure of my identity. I made small adjustments in terms of my presentation, tried on some different labels to see if they fit (thinking perhaps I could be happy with androgyny). It took reaching my 25th birthday and realizing that I had lived what will likely be more than a quarter of my life as someone else to really seal the deal. The internal me didn't match the external and I could no longer mentally carry on letting that be the case. I was tired of lying to people, tired of being uncomfortable with myself, tired of my relationships suffering, and tired of putting off the only thing that I knew would help, which was transition.

Now, largely post-transition, I am absolutely sure I did all the right things for me. It's easy to say that looking back, but I was totally terrified along the way. I think the vast majority of us enter into transition with some degree of uncertainty, whether that's with being trans in general or what we need to do in terms of transition to get to a point of stasis.

This.

Your 17 was my 40 and of course I knew of transexuals before that but I only understood in terms of binary and it took learning that there could be space in between that made me accept that this was me.

And for me there's been 20 years of dealing and coming to better understand before I could start HRT towards GCS. Not time I regret and we'll see about passing - I'd love to but the difficulty of hitting that bar is what took me so long to decide.

Thank you so much, to all of you, for your input and your stories. It warms my heart to know that there are supportive forums where people can talk this out.

At this stage, I'm quite certain that I am transgender, and your input and kindness has helped me so much with that.

Thank you all