Quote from: Isabelle St-Pierre on December 27, 2007, 07:37:57 PM

Quote from: Berliegh on December 27, 2007, 07:25:35 PM
yes you definitely did.....

...But it must be nice for you to be over confident with the way you look.........but your probably right....... and I think I do need a bit of work doing still....

Oh goodness...I still obsess over passing at times...I go through days where I feel like...everyone is looking at me...they all know....and similar paranoid episodes...

By the way, your new profile picture does you a much better justice then the old one did. You look great.

Peace and love,
Izzy

That's funny......my NEW profile pic is in fact my old profile pic from 2005........and my old profile pic was in fact a new pic from 2007...

So it looks like I'm getting worse.....

Quote from: Berliegh on December 27, 2007, 05:14:25 PM.....yes...but if you look credable as a female it helps......if you looked like a bloke in drag I don't think it would go down so well.......

I agree with that. My own family, despite being conservative, might choose to try and accept me because I'm their child. But with the in-law side and others who happen to be very "concrete" peopl e (i.e., What They See Is All That Is Real) and not very intuitive or flexy, if they already think of you as male and your appearance and behavior is not stereotypically female (i.e., matches their definition of what a woman should be), then it really is like fighting an uphill battle and undermines the inner experience you are trying to relay to them.

Appearance helps with credibility, with some people.

btw, Isabelle, you wrote a very lovely Coming Out letter. Just so very awesome. I hope people responded positively to it.

Quote from: Jennywocky on December 31, 2007, 10:24:09 AM

Quote from: Berliegh on December 27, 2007, 05:14:25 PM.....yes...but if you look credable as a female it helps......if you looked like a bloke in drag I don't think it would go down so well.......

I agree with that. My own family, despite being conservative, might choose to try and accept me because I'm their child. But with the in-law side and others who happen to be very "concrete" peopl e (i.e., What They See Is All That Is Real) and not very intuitive or flexy, if they already think of you as male and your appearance and behavior is not stereotypically female (i.e., matches their definition of what a woman should be), then it really is like fighting an uphill battle and undermines the inner experience you are trying to relay to them.

Appearance helps with credibility, with some people.

btw, Isabelle, you wrote a very lovely Coming Out letter. Just so very awesome. I hope people responded positively to it.

Hey,

First, I'm glad you liked my coming-out letter. Funny, my father didn't really appreciate it, but I guess it's all just a matter of perspective.

OK, I give in. I can see where how one's appearances can have an impact on one's coming out to people, especially their folks. My point was that is really shouldn't be about how one looks; it's really about telling people how you feel on the inside and explaining what you are planning on doing (or have already done) to help you feel comfortable within your own skin. Some people come-out before they even do anything and are in a sense hoping for help/support in their journey; others come-out once they have started the process of changing; others go to such extremes as moving away, completely transforming themselves and just moving forward in their new lives, some may come-out to their folks, others choose not to.

There is no right or wrong way to come-out to one's family, only different. What is the right path for one person can lean another to complete failure. Everyone has to evaluate their own unique situation and decide what is the best path for themselves. Others may give advice and council, but ultimately the decision is your own.

I won't sugar coat things, coming-out is hard; it will most likely be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. It is also one of the most liberating things you will ever do. It frees you from having to feel like you need to constantly hide your true self from those around you and that is an amazing feeling.

There is and always will be the chance that some people in your life will never be able to accept you for you; you have some very difficult decisions to make. I too have lost some people along the way; but at the same time I have picked up a lot of new friends who accept me for who I am. I could have chosen to not move forward with transitioning or being honest with myself to please those around me, but at the same time I would have slowly died inside, become bitter with the world, and all those negative things that go along with denial. The only true path in life is to be true to yourself...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

Well I came out to my parents; it went very well.  My mom didn't have much to say and was very willing to talk about me being trans, my Dad on the other hand once we finished discussing the issue every time that I attempted to bring it up again he didn't want to talk about it again.  There were a few things that he said that really touched my heart. 
I told him that I would be changing my name and if he wanted me to change my last name so it wouldn't reflect negatively on the family I would.  (See my Dad adopted my when he married my Mother.)  He said that he gave me his name and at the time that was all he could have given me, well to say the least that is when I lost it I cried like a baby.  The next thing that he said was that no one in the family will ever say anything derogatory to or about me.  If they do he will deal with them.  My dad is about the biggest red neck anyone has ever meet and I know that if one of my 3 sisters or 3 brothers does disobey him in this matter, well I feel sorry for them, and he also means any of the in-laws as well.
But the trip over all was a great success and turned out so much better than I thought it would before going down there.

My own experience with coming-out was mixed, especially when it came to my parents.

First, neither of them believed I had reasons to transition. I was just a 'regular guy'. My father especially challenged me on any idea of feminity I might have had. My mother didn't challenge me, but in her mind, thought it was not something concrete, like, I wouldn't transition in her mind. I came to my mother in April 2005, my father in May 2005, separate occasions, since they're divorced.

I moved out the day I told my father (it was already planned, partly because of that).

I told my brother in December 2005, he was pretty supportive, whatever happened. Anything but having me die. He got surprised by my going full-time, like it 'hit him', but he was still supportive.

My mother was with a boyfriend who knew about me (from meeting me times before, he figured it out, I was almost blatantly telling without telling), he really didn't approve of my transition. This affected my mother's opinion, when I went full-time she got shocked and didn't even want us to see each other anymore. I got her an ultimatum; you either see me and we talk, or you never see me again. I was hurt. So we met, and talked...she got more supportive, slightly, though still thinking she'd rather not be with me in public (that was in April 2006).

In May 2006, I convinced her, both by circumstances, and talking, that this was the way it was doing to be (as a girl, no compromise), and to have me stay with her again. She got a lot more supportive over time...but it took a while.

My father, not being with me since May 2005, took a while longer to accept me as a girl...he more or less sees me as his daughter now.

My three brothers were the first to see me as who I was.

I didn't gauge reactions from friends as deeply, but most were supportive.

----------

And note that, however feminine you might have been as a child, parents can think it's just normal boy behavior anyway. I was shy, pacifist (never fought) and the complete opposite of my roughousing brother (who's just 2 years younger than me), I got bullied, and he would beat the bullies...so yeah to convince my parents I was a girl then, I'd needed to have the clothes and act really really intentionally like a stereotype...when I was a kid. It took a while for them to get past that and let reality hit them in the face...especially when I went full-time. and following months.

I've told my parents and tried to explain thing to them as best I could, but they still don't understand.  They sent me a letter recently saying I need therapy (like duh I go every month) to figure out my "mental problems".  What they don't realize is that I am overcoming a physical problem and it is my brain that is in the right place.  Not to mention the fact that Im actually happy for the first time in my life. 

They called around Christmas and asked if I was coming home.  To which I replied "I don't think that it would be a good idea".  After which I'm sure they breathed a sigh of relief.  My relatives would tear me apart.  Mentally and maybe physically too.  They are not very open minded and I figure it will be best to avoid the situation indefinetely.  I really don't see the point of putting myself in that environment.

My brothers and sisters (6 not including me) don't really have a problem with it, as far as I can tell anyway.

I'll probably go back home this summer though to visit friends (I live about 3 hours away) and to tie up loose ends.  It's been a year and a half since they have seen me last and they are probably going to freak.  I can't really say for sure if they'll ever come around or not, and I am not holding my breath.

Audrey 

Thats what I really can't stand. The fact that I wouldn't have had to deal with relatives before cause they thought we were both still immature children (I has brother). They practically ignored us, and generally acted like jerks, until now, when they choose the worst possible moment to make friends and do the right thing and relate and everything...

They're all getting older and sicker, which sickens me cause it makes me almost wish I could skip over all of them, but its too evil, so no. I kinda just want to avoid them all...

I'm probably getting hormones really soon, cause I'm sick of it all, and waiting especially. I just want it to synch up right with my new crazy art schedule. I want to be in art school working like crazy away from home ideally, and already a bit transitioned when I go there so I never again have to have that awkward moment months after meeting people. I'd think that the bodily changes would lessen the surprise...


But yeah. My mom already knows... Its just my Dads situation and my brothers situation. His reputation would probably plummet cause his friends seem generally shallow and stuff... So once again doing what my life needs is selfish once again.


...
Sounds like you had some success though Schala
And good job Erika... I'm surprised your dad accepted you to that extent. That was lucky.

May God Bless you all. I wasn't that lucky, family didn't accept me. So that's done and behind me. I am not a young spring chick anymore, and I am not going to waste what valuable years I have ahead of me chasing people around who would prefer to think I no longer exist.

I had a good bunch of friends I made in the small town where I was living whom I left behind to move here in BC. I think I suffered from culture shock during the first few months we moved here. I have only just recently been going out with Wing Walker feeling out the vibes of the new people I encounter.

Cindy   

oh yeah devious you reminded me. 
When I came out to my parents, my dad was like "what your doing is the height of egotism.  You don't care about anyone but your self, or how this will affect your relationship with your us (family)."

Well seriously who's being selfish here?

Audrey

Out of both of my parents the one that I was scared of telling was my Dad.  He raised us very strict and often disciplined us very harshly.  Now when I came out to him he just said that I had earned the right as an adult to make my own choose, now he did say that if I did had surgery I would be killing part of myself & I do agree with him to a point.  My question to him was and what part of me would get to live & I think that that part of me getting to live is more important than to continue to live in hell & to allow the old me to continue to live.

My Mom's concern is with the red necks that we know, plus the red necks in my own family; y'all see I am originally from the Mississippi Gulf Coast.  Now I live in Northern Virginia I'm not around that many red necks.

Now I told one of my Sisters and she is the only one's opinion that I do care about & out of my 3 brothers only one came to see me while I was down there.  I didn't tell him anything about me but all he had to do is to see me and he knew something was up.  As for the reset of them they can kiss my a$$.

I am soooooooooooo

soooooo
I repeat.

SOOOO... Happy I don't live anywhere NEAR the South.

The waffles have no power over me anymore, I can't even eat them... So Eat it South!


If I were down there I'd probably already be DEAD.

Quote from: Audrey on January 24, 2008, 10:18:10 AM
oh yeah devious you reminded me. 
When I came out to my parents, my dad was like "what your doing is the height of egotism.  You don't care about anyone but your self, or how this will affect your relationship with your us (family)."

Well seriously who's being selfish here?

Audrey

Yeah... The "Selfish" motive thing sucks. Maybe they shouldn't care in the first place! Geeze... I'm so sick of the human race. Why should I change my dreams to conform to their preprogrammed nonsense?

*Sigh But I do care about my family. Which sucks.

Ericka,

I had to have a chat with my mother after my brother decided to out me to much of the known universe.  I learned about this when I received a letter from my Goddaughter begging & pleading with me to not transition.  This was just one of 4 major crisis that occured last summer.  Add to this that I had JUST started HRT...  Well...  It was not a good summer.

What I did was send my family a letter explaining in analogies why I have to transition.  To be honest, I didn't have the emotional energy to meet face-to-face and explain what and why.

I would be happy to send the letter if you want.  It's a little too long to post here.

Chaunte


Addendum- I posted my coming out letter in my blog here at Susans.  The link is below - C
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,25814.html